Thanks.
I have tried the Veteran's Affairs and they have proved without doubt that they are dishonest. For the last year, I have been fighting with them to recognize that I have PTSD. They are still fighting me on whether not it is related to my deployments. They have lied to my face. I have learned that I can't really trust them to help me.
I know that there is only one person that can truly help me but I cannot feel His love. There are many times where I just feel that I am beyond His love, His Mercy, and so on. I am sorry that I am going off like this. I just don't have anyone that I really can talk to about this. The people in my ward are just so young, I just feel so old compared to them that I know they won't understand where I am coming from. I cannot talk with my parents over these things because I am so afraid of hurting my Mom more than I have. My Mom knows that I am hurting but I just can't let her see how much.
I had trials when I had gotten home from Iraq the first time. I turned to the Lord and I thought things were going great but I began feeling like HE was not listening to my prayers. It seemed like the carrot being dangled in front of the animal that as soon as they take a step towards it. The carrot is another step away, the prize is dangling in front of you and you are never allowed to have it. Yet people around didn't want it, and they were finding it.
I guess that I know some of the things that I need to do in my life but still when I was trying to live the best that I could. Attending church, reading my scriptures, saying my prayers, home teaching, attending the temple, and so on that I could not find the happiness or the peace that I so much wanted. It is gone and I am not sure how find it anymore.
Please, excuse me for my babbling.
Jason