angela
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Posts posted by angela
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So, I haven't posted much on here - so I will review the situation I am in. My husband left me about 18 months ago. At the time I was 2 months pregnant, and we had one other child together (I also had an older child from my previous marriage). Well, to make a long story short he suddenly quit counseling (we were living seperate and trying to work things out... or so I thought). After that it became quite apparent that he was already seeing someone else. A within 4 months of our being separated he was living with this other woman.
--On a side note, my husband was baptized (I believe genuinely) about 6 weeks before we separated. He ran completely away from the church (obviously, since he was living with another woman). I know that this man has some serious emotional problems (quite possibly even some depression himself). He also has a pornography addiction that he has always denied. His past is full of using woman, lying and cheating - but I can say without a doubt in my mind that I was prompted to be with him and stay with him when things got bad. --
I spent most of the past 18 months in a VERY deep depression. Most of the time I wanted to die. I felt so alone in miserable in my life. My husband stayed as far away from me and the kids as possible (even though he lives and works in the same small town we are in). I feel like he almost flaunted the fact that he was with someone. I on the other hand stayed loyal to my values and relied on the Church and my faith to help me struggle through my life. Eventually I had had enough of it, and filed for divorce even though I could not get a solid confirmation about it throught the Spirit. I guess I should mention that part of the reason I got so depressed is that some of my blessings (before he left, and after) had hinted at the fact that we would end up together in the long run. The promised were very vague - but I always felt that it meant we would be together.
About 2 weeks ago my husband started texting me and hinting towards wanting to again return to his family and quite possibly even chruch. Anyway, as circumstances would have it he and his girlfriend split up. He was staying at a friends house a few houses down from her when she showed up and attacked him (tried to choke him and stuff). So, I offered him my couch until he could find something better. Well, that turned into hours of talking about what happened between us and how he ran away when things got bad and returned to his old patterns... So I guess we are going to try to reconcile again.
I know we need to get back into counseling because I have sooo many hurt feelings and trust issues with this man. I question whether or not he is being sincere or whether he just needs a place to stay.
I don't even know if any of this made sense. I don't even know what I am asking here. I guess it comes down to "Is it just plain stupid to try to reconcile after our history?" I am really willing to forgive him and work towards the future... I just question whether or not he is ready and sincere.
I do want to add that we stayed up last night talking some about the gospel and about what happened between us. I do think that he does regret a lot of the things that has happened between us. He talks about going to back to church and he understands that he will have to talk to the bishop. He says he is scared of the hurt and pain he will feel. I think a lot of his "change of heart" is superficial right now, but could develop into somthing more in the future.
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Hi and welcome! :)
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Welcome to the site!
I think October 11th was the PERFECT day to be baptized...
It's also my birthday! -
I called ahead and my drypack cannery allowed my non-member daughter in law to go and can food.
Did she go by herself or was a member with her?
I was going to try to find a member in her area if they won't allow her to purchase by herself. Anyone close to the Concord, Ca cannery? I think it would be a good missionary tool. :)
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I am going to try to call the cannery closest to them. They don't want to work a canning shift, they just want to purchase some of the prepackaged cases. I asked if they knew any one that was LDS, but they said no. I laughed because I thought I could have two lovely elders show up at their door in no time.
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I have some friends that live in another state that aren't members. They are interested in building up their food storage. Can they go to the cannery and buy the prepacked and bulk items?
I can't think of a reason why they couldn't, but I thought I would ask.
Thanks. :)
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You and your family are in my prayers.
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Sometimes life isn't as simple as it should be. Especially when in the past you made some wrong turns. Where things stand now, I've been counseled by several bishops and had confirmed in prayer that with my husband is where I need to be.
If that is what was confirmed to you by the spirit, then absolutely that is where you need to be. I was in a similar situation, and trust me I had all the same thoughts about why I should stay with a man that seemingly will never be able to take me to the temple. You need to lead by example. It is not an easy task, but stick with it and try to stay strong.
One night while I was struggling I found a wonderful talk on BYUTV. Here is a quote:
There’s a beautiful verse that many of you are familiar with in the book of Obadiah. You probably haven’t read that recently, but in Obadiah chapter one, verse 21, we read the following: “And saviors shall come up on mount Zion, and the kingdom shall be the Lord’s.” So you’ve heard that phrase, “saviors on mount Zion.” It has much more than simply temple work and family history, as important as that is, because each of us in various ways are called upon, are asked to be, saviors on mount Zion.
A dear friend named Carlfred Broderick, a wonderful marriage and family therapist, a professor at USC, a former bishop, stake president, patriarch, most importantly father, husband, and even a guest on Johnny Carson from time to time, shared the following story: “The term ‘savior on mount Zion’ is ordinarily reserved for those engaged in vicarious work for the dead. But I believe that term might also be applied to another group of saints. These have been called to sacrifice for the sake of saving the living, often of their own household. I first began to think in these terms as a result of counseling to women who had hard life assignments. The first had convinced her boyfriend to join the Church and one year later to marry her in the temple. Unhappily, the conversion didn’t take and soon thereafter he returned to his worldly ways, which included all the minor vices and several of the major ones. They had children who seemed to elect their father’s lifestyle rather than their mother’s. I watched this good sister struggle with her rebellious family over the years, and I’m ashamed to admit that I had sometimes judged her harshly. For example, if she had asked my opinion, I could have told her before she married him that her husband-to-be was more committed to her than to the gospel. Also I felt that she had been overly permissive with her children; in short, I self-righteously judged that if she had made better choices--as I had, for example--her life would have turned out better, as mine had, for example. It eventually became necessary to excommunicate her husband, and in agony of spirit, she asked me, her stake president, for a blessing to guide her as to what her duty was under the circumstances. In that blessing I learned a few things that even now make me burn with shame for my earlier spiritual arrogance toward this sister. The Lord told her that she was a valiant spirit in the premortal existence who had volunteered for hazardous duty on earth. Not for her was the safety of a secure marriage to an equally valiant partner. Not for her was a relative ease of rearing naturally obedient children. In the blessing she was told that the Lord loved her husband and children despite their rebellious spirits, and if they were to have any chance at all, it would be because of her Christ-like patience and long-suffering with them. True to her promise, she is succeeding against all odds in her mission. To everyone’s surprise, her rowdy eldest son straightened out his life and went on a mission. He came back on fire with the Spirit and committed to the gospel. Her second son, who had often stated his intention of playing football instead of going on a mission, was helped by his older brother and has also completed a successful mission and is headed for the temple. Her daughters are slow to come around, but I began to see some softening there as well. Even her husband, the toughest of all, is beginning to mellow at the edges and to talk about putting his life in order. No action yet, but I am prepared to believe in miracles in this family.” So again a part of our call is to be saviors on mount Zion. That in no way denotes that we should endure abuse that comes to us. There are appropriate ways to handle these challenges that occur, but indeed to remember that the Lord in his infinite and perfect knowledge knows the answers to our questions and can guide as we face the various challenges that we do.
"That He May Succor His People": Healing from Abuse through the Power of the Atonement
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:) I will be praying that your family will find what is best for you.
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Angela, contact the local Bishop and see he can send over two worthy elders to bless him if it is allowed. Anything....I mean anything I can do or any of us, we are here to support you and your brother. For me, it brings much pain to see someone go through this and brings much tears.
Oh, I have been so scattered. I forgot to add in the update that my brother did get a blessing from the missionaries in the area (my uncle got ahold of them). The information I got from my mom was that his blessing was positive. Even if he does pull through physically, my brother has a tough road ahead of him emotionally.
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Your profile says you live in Orting, is that the one in Washington? If so, the number for the Seattle temple is 425-643-5144. All you have to do is call, tell them you want a name, or names since you can have nonmember names placed on it also, placed on the prayer roll, and they'll do it for you.
OH THANK YOU! I called and their names are on the list! I never knew it was that easy. I wish I knew this a long time ago!
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I just received a phone call that my brother tried to commit suicide last night. He is at the hospital now. I have heard conficting reports from family members, but it appears he is still unconscious, and might not wake up. He took an overdose of his medication.
My brother has four children, ages 23 years to 2 1/2 years. He also has one grandchild that is 2. Please pray for him and his family, especially his wife. I am praying that whatever happens she will have the strength to carry on.
My brother has battled depression and bipolar disorder for years. He has not been active since his teens, and his wife and children are not members.
Please please please keep them in your prayers.
Does anyone know how I can get his name on the prayer roll in the temple? I have never had to do that beforfe. (I am not a current recommend holder.)
Update #1: My brother is stable. He is still on a ventilator to keep him breathing. The doctors are purposely keeing my brother under sedation for the next 48 hours. They are not even going to try to wake him up until then. Apparently he hit his head when he passed out, and we will not know the extent of his injuries until they start to wake him up. Thank you for your prayers.
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Sorry my post was so short last night, it was late and I was completely overwhelmed and frustrated yet again.
My original post did not exactly stress all that DS has going on. He has a pretty severe case of ADHD, but also have two co-existing conditions (which are pretty common). My son has also been casually diagnosed with ODD and Depression. I say casually because they haven't done an offical diagnosis but said he tested high for them. After studying on ODD I am pretty sure that he is suffering from this also - infact I think that may be our biggest challenge right now.
I work from home right now and I have to run, but I will be back to post more later.
I do appreciate everyone's posts, encouragement and information. :) I will respond more later.
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Does anyone else have a child with diagnosed ADHD?
My 8 year old has been on medication for over a year now. I do not see any light at the end of this tunnel. I feel so overwhelmed with it. (Of course it does not help that I am a single mother and I don't have anyone else to help me through all the difficult times.)
Anyone? Any advice, suggestions?
:)
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I really do know how you feel. :sigh: I am probably not the best person to give you helpful suggestions though. I am a single mother with three children (ages 8 yrs, 3 yrs, and 9 months). If my baby isn't crying, the toddler is acting up. Most of the time they are crying and throwing fits at the same time. More Sundays than not I end up in the hall crying with them, literally. The only reason I even attmept to go is to be somewhat of a good example to my children.
As some of the other people have suggested, I would look for someone to help you that doesn't have children. Maybe you could even ask the RS president to put out the word or to point out someone that might be willing to help.
Good luck. :)
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I am absolutely in a situation of need. I am a single mother to 3 children and I work for my family's construction business (owned by my mom and one of my brothers). The day after the first financial bailout bill failed to pass we received a call from the company that we had been working for. We were supposed to start a new project the next day, but the bank pulled the funding and the project came to an abrupt stop. So, now we are scrambling to make even enough money this month to pay our overhead and keep the company from folding. This means that all of the family members that work for the company are going to have to skip paychecks in November - there are 4 total. Our next scheduled project doesn't start until Dec. 4th - so it could be a very sad Christmas at our house, unless we are able to find some work before then or the project we were supposed to start gets funding elsewhere.
I do not own a house. But, I do have rent and all the other expenses that comes along with living. I have very little savings so I have nothing to fall back on. I have applied for food stamps from the state in hopes of easing some of the financial burden next month... and I feel somewhat ashamed that I need the help.
I am not sure that the church will help me. There seems to be a lot of people in this area that are struggling. I just don't think that I will be high on the priority list. (I guess I always feel like I am being judged for being a single mom... like I did something wrong, and that I deserve to struggle.)
Anyway, the financial "crisis" as the media describes it is VERY real to me. It's not about my savings or house... it's about the money that I need to survive.
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Sigh... so I don't really have anyone to celebrate with anyway. My kids are too young and my husband left me a little over a year ago while I was pregnant. My mom didn't even tell me Happy Birthday until after she criticized me about buying something that I bought for myself as a present. I don't even think she remembered. Heck, she didn't even tell me happy birthday, she said they were out of cake at the store.
Of course nobody from church has called or stopped by. I have no friends. I feel so alone in this world. Most of the time I sit around thinking that I really don't care if I die. I would never kill myself, but I just don't like living my pathetic life.
Not really looking for advice. I just don't know where else to post this.
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Okay, your post hit VERY close to home. Although our situations are not exactly alike, there are some similiar issues that I had to deal with (mostly trust). I am going to tell you part of MY story. I am no way, shape or form suggesting that this is the answer for you. My answer for you is to TRUST your Heavenly Father. I understand the trust issues with your H, I REALLY do - but with your current situation more trust needs to lie where it is appropriate, meaning with God and Christ and the Holy Ghost.
I wish that I had the time to go into my situation, but I don't at the moment and I am not sure I want it entirely out on this board just yet. (You can always send me a message, and I would be more than willing to go into more detail with you.) I will just say that my husband was a non-member. He wasn't only a nonmember, he had several problems that he was dealing with, and the major ones included pornography and fidelity. I know now without a doubt in my mind that the Spirit directed me to stay with my husband and try to help him with his problems. No doubt in my mind. To the world it seems absolutely STUPID. Even to most LDS people, it seems ridiculous to stay with a nonmember that had such problems. (My H and I eventually separated - HE chose to leave me... But that's another long story.) Anyway, I started to question over and over again if I had really felt the Spirit and if that is what kept me with him, or if my promptings were my own imagination. One night after he left me I was getting ready for bed. I usually leave BYU TV on in the background. I was having a bad night and I started to watch a talk, but decided by the title that it didn't apply to me. (It was about recovering from abuse.) Anyway, my baby woke up a few hours later to nurse and I turned the TV back on. That same talk was on and I reluctantly listened to it. It came to a part that I will never forget:
There’s a beautiful verse that many of you are familiar with in the book of Obadiah. You probably haven’t read that recently, but in Obadiah chapter one, verse 21, we read the following: “And saviors shall come up on mount Zion, and the kingdom shall be the Lord’s.” So you’ve heard that phrase, “saviors on mount Zion.” It has much more than simply temple work and family history, as important as that is, because each of us in various ways are called upon, are asked to be, saviors on mount Zion.
A dear friend named Carlfred Broderick, a wonderful marriage and family therapist, a professor at USC, a former bishop, stake president, patriarch, most importantly father, husband, and even a guest on Johnny Carson from time to time, shared the following story: “The term ‘savior on mount Zion’ is ordinarily reserved for those engaged in vicarious work for the dead. But I believe that term might also be applied to another group of saints. These have been called to sacrifice for the sake of saving the living, often of their own household. I first began to think in these terms as a result of counseling to women who had hard life assignments. The first had convinced her boyfriend to join the Church and one year later to marry her in the temple. Unhappily, the conversion didn’t take and soon thereafter he returned to his worldly ways, which included all the minor vices and several of the major ones. They had children who seemed to elect their father’s lifestyle rather than their mother’s. I watched this good sister struggle with her rebellious family over the years, and I’m ashamed to admit that I had sometimes judged her harshly. For example, if she had asked my opinion, I could have told her before she married him that her husband-to-be was more committed to her than to the gospel. Also I felt that she had been overly permissive with her children; in short, I self-righteously judged that if she had made better choices--as I had, for example--her life would have turned out better, as mine had, for example. It eventually became necessary to excommunicate her husband, and in agony of spirit, she asked me, her stake president, for a blessing to guide her as to what her duty was under the circumstances. In that blessing I learned a few things that even now make me burn with shame for my earlier spiritual arrogance toward this sister. The Lord told her that she was a valiant spirit in the premortal existence who had volunteered for hazardous duty on earth. Not for her was the safety of a secure marriage to an equally valiant partner. Not for her was a relative ease of rearing naturally obedient children. In the blessing she was told that the Lord loved her husband and children despite their rebellious spirits, and if they were to have any chance at all, it would be because of her Christ-like patience and long-suffering with them. True to her promise, she is succeeding against all odds in her mission. To everyone’s surprise, her rowdy eldest son straightened out his life and went on a mission. He came back on fire with the Spirit and committed to the gospel. Her second son, who had often stated his intention of playing football instead of going on a mission, was helped by his older brother and has also completed a successful mission and is headed for the temple. Her daughters are slow to come around, but I began to see some softening there as well. Even her husband, the toughest of all, is beginning to mellow at the edges and to talk about putting his life in order. No action yet, but I am prepared to believe in miracles in this family.” So again a part of our call is to be saviors on mount Zion. That in no way denotes that we should endure abuse that comes to us. There are appropriate ways to handle these challenges that occur, but indeed to remember that the Lord in his infinite and perfect knowledge knows the answers to our questions and can guide as we face the various challenges that we do.
"That He May Succor His People": Healing from Abuse through the Power of the Atonement
My advice is to pray to your Heavenly Father. You need to do this with an open heart and mind. I don't know what your answer will be. You need to be prepared to accept to go whichever way you are led. If all you can pray for at first is for help to have a pure heart and an open spirit, then so be it. It will not work if you go in biased one way or the other. Without the advice of your HF, you may be led to go the way of the world. You may cause undue contention between you and your husband. Take it up with the Lord, and TRUST that he knows best. I was prompted at times to confront my H about certain issues, but I was ALWAYS guided to do so in a LOVING nonjudgemental way.
Heavenly Father knows what lies ahead of you on your journey. He knows what YOU need to develop your spirit and gain experience (even if those things cause pain and sorrow for a relatively short time when compared to eternity).
I hope that I got my message across like I intended to. It's late and I still have a 2 year old up distracting me. As I said before, I am not trying to sway you either way... Just giving you one side of a story. :)
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All my life, I just haven't felt like I fit in - especially at church. It is one of the main reasons that I became inactive. I have talked with my current bishop about it, and it was no help whatsoever. He basically BLAMED me (or at least it felt that way). He told me that it was my fault for not coming and opening myself up to the ladies at church. I told him that it was hard when you aren't a social person. I promised him that I would try (and basically meet the ward half way with trying to be active). I tried and it was even more uncomfortable than before. I am a single mom with 3 YOUNG children. There is only 1 other single mom in the ward that I know about, and she is less active too. I have asked the bishop to help me out with several small things to help me be more active, such as finding me a different home teacher (one who doesn't wait until the last Sunday of the month and act like it is such a burden to come by). It's not like I haven't tried. I also asked him to find a male role model that would not mind being an example to my 3 BOYS, who have been left without a righteous male figure in their life. My Home Teacher showed up 2 months ago with 2 of the young men in the ward to play ball with my oldest son, but he wasn't home. That is the last time I have had any contact with my HT. I even tried to call him once, but he never got back to me.
I KNOW the church is true. I know it with every ounce of my being. I just don't like going to church. It is physically and emotionally painful for me. Most of the time I leave sacrament meeting in tears because my children are acting up and there is nobody that offers to help me.
I know that the underlying issue in this is that I don't have any self esteem. I don't feel like I mean anything to anyone (and yes, this includes Heavenly Father and Christ). Part of me feels like I am the ONE person who the atonement did not apply to. You can sit here and tell me that they love me all you want and it will just go in one ear and out the other.
I have been depressed since my H walked out on me when I was 3 months pregnant (he didn't want to live the gospel principles and moved in with a girlfriend). The bishop offered to help pay for a little counseling to try to fix the marriage, but balked at the idea of helping with counseling dealing with the divorce.
I TRY not to be judgemental about the bishop and everyone, but I feel like I am slipping through the cracks here. Everyone knows that I am struggling to be active, yet I feel like nobody cares. I have askedfor help with SPECIFIC things, so it's not like they don't know HOW to help.
I am not sure what I am looking for here. Just need to get my emotions out somewhere.
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Thanks guys for the warm welcome! :) I just wish I had more time to be on the computer! Most of the time I have to myself is LATE at night while the kids are in bed and I should be sleeping! :)
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My name is Angela.
I am currently struggling with my faith. I KNOW the church is true. I know that with every ounce of my being, yet I still struggle. Life has thrown some things at me that aren't very easy for me to deal with.
I hope that I can rebuild my strength and faith by reading some of the wonderful posts here. :)
Reconciling a marriage...
in Advice Board
Posted
I am going to add a little information and answer some of the questions/suggestions... (I have to add that I was very down yesterday, and today I am doing much better.)
I cannot even begin to convey the feelings/promptings the Spirit has given me about this man. I have been prompted our entire marriage that I was to stick things out and be an example to my family. I prayed and prayed about filing for divorce after we separated. I COULD NOT get a confirmation that divorce was the correct thing to do. (Yes, even after I KNEW that he was seeing another woman and had already started down a destructive path.) It was around this time that I fell into a DEEP depression. Essentially I revolted and decided to file for divorce anyway. I rationalized it that I need the child support (but still chose divorce over legal separation). I feel like this was probably a large reason why I was depressed. I was turning away the Spirit and not following the promptings I was receiving.
I saw an LDS counselor immediately after our separation (individually first). We then went on to have a couple of joint sessions. I explained to this counselor everything I had felt and been told/promised in blessings about my husband. After praying about me/my situation/my husband she believes that she received guidance and confirmation that I was on the right track doing EVERYTHING I possibly could to work things out with this man. I hold the firm belief that I was put into this man's life to guide and help heal this broken man. I see so much possibility in this man. I have learned not to use wordly standards to measure him. Instead I pray for guidance to see him how Heavenly Father sees him. I look for his potential. I remember the light he carried about him shortly before and after his baptism. I see that he gets pulled down by the worldly challenges. I see that there can be a time in his life where he will overcome his limitations.
My husband and I have talked quite a bit lately. I do see the moments when he is deeply sincere about our situation. I see the grief and anguish that is starting to surface over some of the decisions he has made. I also watch him burry those feelings and allow them to become superficial because he IS afraid of the hurt, pain and anguish he KNOWS he needs to feel and at some time HAS to feel. He has watched tears come to my eyes when I talk about the hurt that I have felt because of his choices - and he has fought back his own tears. I also tell him that my hurt is in NO WAY a relection of his worth as an eternal being He has made some bad choices but he can repent and be forgiven by his Father (as I have already forgiven him).
YES, his timing was very convenient. But, I also know that it was a sequence of events that needed to take place to bring him to point he is at now. He has told me that when he suggested that he wanted to come back to his family - he NEVER expected me to agree. He was thrown for a loop when I said we could continue to work things out.
My big hang up right now is that to the world I appear to be stupid. It appears that this man has suckered me into taking him back because he needed a place to stay. The truth is that I have had the Spirit with me when I made the decisions to continue to work on my marriage. I still get huge flashes of doubt, which I attribute to the adversary wanting to throw me off again.
I could write novels about my feelings and emotions surrounding this whole situation... Sorry. :)