RandomEquine

When I lived at home, I never got an allowance of any sort. I got a (legal) job at 16. Before that, I babysat, horsesat, and did other odd jobs to earn money. I bought my own car, my own horse, and paid most of my own expenses. Mind you, my kind, loving mother paid my insurance and my phone bill, but you get the idea ;-). I suggest your daughter get a part time job. You, of course, can still supplement everything. It's not like you have to send your kids out on their own :). But do teach them the value of a dollar, how to work, and how to spend wisely. If you don't do a job well, you either get fired, or don't get paid......then your money runs out, and you're out of luck....that's the real world. Sadly, I see too many young people who don't understand this....and they're ruining their lives and their credit oh-so-young. As a young person, THANK YOU for caring about your children :)!

Baha! Amusing.... Apparently she wants to move to Ireland....maybe my hopes and dreams will come true? But thank you all -- this is something I'm going to struggle with....

Ooops, to verify, he's not exactly 'sticking up for her' so to speak. He does have his boundaries with her. He just doesn't want to lose her, while I would be perfectly happy not having to see her, much less deal with her. He wants to have some sort of relationship with his mother, I have a very difficult time with it.....

I need some help, I'm at a loss. My fiance and I have been together for about 3 years, and I've been with him through an amazing amount of things, including him leaving and returning early from his mission and dealing with the hazards that go along with it. We love each other and plan on being sealed next year at Nauvoo. My problem, however, is with his mother. She's, well, an extremely controlling woman. Everything has to be going her way, or it's completely incorrect. She's a perfectionist beyond pleasing. She doesn't allow me to call her anything but 'Sister', and everything I do is incorrect. She FREAKS if she even sees my fiance and I holding hands, let alone giving each other a small kiss or the like. Her perfection has ruined two marriages, and now I can't stand her. In the past, she has called her son useless, pointless, and claimed that all of his "I love you's" are completely token, that she doesn't believe he really loves her. I feel that his depression and panic issues are based in the way she has treated him over the years. When we first began dating, she referred to me repeatedly as 'jail bait' seeing as I was 17 and he was 19, that I was apparently attempting to seduce him so I could throw him in jail. These are just some of the things. My aversion to being around her, though, is tearing my fiance apart. He really doesn't want to ruin or hurt the relationship, and I know that I *am* marrying into the family, but I'm at a loss. I have issues keeping my mouth shut when I see something that upsets me, and she has done it countless times. Suggestions on dealing/coping/etc? I can use anything I can get...........*sigh*

Doing Temple work....lots and lots of Temple work!! Baptisms, endowments, sealings..... And family history (everyone's favorite, I'm sure)!

This is a lot like what is happening/has happened in my fiancé's family. His mother and father were married in the temple, and then a few years later (after having 4 kids and financially ruining his mother), the father and older brother took off. Fast forward to now -- his sister still goes to church, but is marrying a man who drinks and smokes and has never been involved in the church. His brother is vulgar, has anger problems, and suffers from a somewhat "arrested development" -- only goes to church because it makes Mommy happy. Mom is somewhat verbally abusive too, but a devout member of the church. I'm the only member in my family, and every one else thinks LDS is a cult and I'm crazy. My best advice is PRAY. Heavenly Father is ALWAYS there, even when you feel like you're all alone. And don't just pray for yourself, pray for everyone in your family...and do it with real hope and intent :-). I know I am guilty of praying for people who I feel are "lost causes" and never believing anything will come of it. But God takes care of all, and wants all of us to be eternally happy. Study your scriptures (just a little at a time if need be!). And another good thing to maybe think about is visit with the missionaries in your area. If you just can't deal, talk to your bishop or stake president. These two men have been called of God to help members of the church -- they could help give you ideas and make sure you stay strong. Good luck -- stay strong -- and know that God is in all.

This is true! And he and I want children -- no doubt about it! Yes, with as much schooling as I'm going through, we *may* get a late start on having a family (first child at 28 or so) but my education is very important to me as well. I certainly hope I will never have to support myself and my children alone, but if I have to, with a good education, I can do it. Unfortunately, with the program I'm in, it's not exactly something you can go for a couple years, take a few years off for children, and then come back an finish. Vet schools across the country would laugh in my face for doing that -- you either go all the way through, or quit with your bachelors. Plus we don't want to bring children into the world unless we are certain we can support them and give them everything they need. Having children while in school would greatly decrease the time I would get to spend with them -- and we all know how important mother/child bonding is. For everyone who has been following, my parents and our families have softened to the idea a bit more, understanding that we've thought and talked and prayed about this. We've talked with our stake president as well -- we know this is right :-)

Um, wow. Well, first off, we're not conservative -- and we are mature, believe it or not. I know it's difficult for many adults (who aren't LDS anyway) to understand that we can be mature at our age, but it's true. Also, we haven't had sex, aren't getting married for sex, and will not live with each other before marriage (of course, these were my thoughts before converting, so they didn't change). Thank you for your response. I enjoy different viewpoints.

Ah, yeah, I know that. But it vet school, everyone is learning. I attend a university that has a tech program running simultaneously, so it's a bit more dangerous. No one know what they're doing yet . I worked in a vet clinic where one of the women was pregnant, and now with you, I know it can be done. Obviously, I will have to be pregnant sometime in my career, it's just not a smart idea while in school. Plus, there's that whole "kids are expensive" thing. I guess I'd much rather be making money than spending money when he and I decide to start a family :)

Oh, there is NO WAY I'm giving up my schooling -- and with animal science/vet medicine I really can't start a family before I graduate (all of the chemicals and gasses and whatnot that I'm around cause miscarriage 80% or so of the time). We're going to finish school. Enough said :-)

Alright.....this may sound childish/teenagerish/whatever -- but I'm always happy to get advice from people, and it never hurts to ask I suppose... My boyfriend and I have been dating for the better part of three years (good friends for longer than that). We are planning on getting married this coming summer. He's been out on mission, is back, and I was baptized while he was gone. I am the only LDS member in my family. Now, we've been discussing with my family (parents and siblings) that we want to get married. I'm 19, he's 21, and I'm a freshman in college. I'm in a pre-veterinary program, and coupled with vet school, I will be in college for a minimum of 8 years. He currently is working, but will be taking a few classes this spring towards his degree. The college he will be attending back home (we live about two hours apart) has a campus about 10 minutes from my university, so neither of us would be giving up an education. We've talked alot about marriage, what it means to be married, and how difficult it very well may be getting married at such a young age. Here's the dilemma. My mother, when she was 18, became pregnant, married the father of her child, and gave up all of her educational dreams to start a family. That marriage ended in divorce. She is extremely concerned that I will give up my education for the same thing. She claims that we are simply "too young" to understand what marriage is, how it will be, etc. That people change and we'll probably end up divorcing. Basically, she would much rather he and I "shack up" for 8 years while I finish schooling than get married. Mind you, both he and I refuse to live with each other before marriage (for obvious reasons). I know most LDS marry young, but my question to you is, how young is too young?

Just dropping in to say Hi! I'm a recent convert (okay, not so recent anymore...)....engaged to a wonderful man, whom I waited for while he was serving a mission in Arizona. Excited to have found this place! :-) RandomEquine