[Stupid marriage...]

So, were you looking for advice, or simply venting?

If I were to give advice, it would be much along the lines of LM's post. Just go reread that. :) In fact, if you want to read a chapter (about 30 pages in a paperback) that explains how to go about doing this, send me a pm and I'll send you a link.

Have you considered mental illness as a possibility? Both depression and/or ADHD could account for a lot of the struggles you describe.

[Marriage failing/failed]

Geesh, Vort is right. Crazy.

Semper, thank you for having the honesty and integrity to give us an update. Even with the anonymity, that took some guts to expose yourself like that. Life is a process like that for some of us, especially us stereotypical 'dumb' men. Thanks for showing us the process you are going though.

You will find that there is a very wide variety in quality of counselors out there. A person really does need to interview a few of them to find the right fit and knowledge.

What helped me was the book The Five Love Languages. If you and your wife still have an interest in meeting each other’s needs, that book will help you learn how to do it.

I’m still left wondering about the initial interaction though. Why would you be so blunt as to only label it as an “affair”, but not concurrently identify it as non-physical? She understands now what happened, right? And why would she threaten to leave “forever” in front of an older child who understood what was being talked about? Was she really intending to abandon them?

Have patience! It will take time to rebuild the trust and emotional connections. Good luck!

[Question for LDS in the SLC area]

Northern Davis County has been crazy wet. I was talking to a friend in Provo and they haven't had nearly as much cloud cover and rain as north of SLC.

I'm loving it!!! Just like W. OR where I grew up! My tomatos are wanting the hot weather, but all the rest of the garden is really liking it.

I recall one or two cool storms most Junes over the last 8 years I've been in UT, but this has been something I hardly recall ever happening in the winter, let along June!

[Why does HF allow good things to transgressors?]

A couple thoughts come to mind.

The adversary would seek your material success in order to draw you away and entrap.

There is no trial of faith if we were all to be punished immediately, or rewarded immediately for choosing what is right.

As Ecclesiastes observed in a vision, "time and chance happens to them all". It's important to remember that correlation does not equal causation. Your success and comfort is not necessarily a result of the direction you are choosing.

[In Law Woes]

Sometimes I'm really left scratching my head wondering why replies like the first three are even posted. I don't understand.

I'm of the persuasion that loving and caring for someone as fellow children of Heavenly Father does not preclude our right to protect ourselves from harm. There are family members that I have not had meaningful contact with in over 11 years because their behavior is repetitively harmful and sadistic. I don't think there is any reason, nor purpose, in exposing ourselves to such situations any more than we should expose ourselves to moral evils.

Have you critically examined your own thoughts and motivations for wanting to continue to interact? Does classifying an individual as 'family' really put them in a different category? Are we not all 'family'? And yet, does it not seem reasonable to avoid interacting with certain elements of the human family?

Disrespecting your husband's wishes to cease contact could feel to him like a forced subjection to that which he doesn't want to be subjected. I would urge you to consider his perspective in the matter. I've been there, and when my wife made moves to contact certain family members, it really hurt.

[Need Preventing Divorce Tips]

Charley - I'm glad you brought up depression. Too little of society (including LDS society) recognizes the impact that mental illness can have on family relations.

ADD, depression, anxiety, Alzheimers, etc, etc, are all biologically based illnesses that receive far too much negative stigma, and too little understanding. They can all throw a monkey wrench into a marriage and make the pat sunday school answers insufficient.

Ryan