ryanh
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Posts posted by ryanh
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Do any of you think that sometimes God's answer to prayer is to not answer anything at all?
While He wants us to have a relationship with him through prayer and to ask for His assistance...I think by not answering He is saying "Come on..work at it a little more, you'll come up with an answer or solution...come on..you can do it."
Therefore he is giving us the wonderful opportunity to challenge ourselves. The opportunity to learn, to have our faith increased. If one were to think that because there is no answer he is an uncaring God..then they truly don't have or understand His relationship with us.
Yes, I do beleive that at times non-answers may be the answer.
Yes, my fretting,
Frowning child,
I could cross
The room to you
More easily.
But I’ve already
Learned to walk,
So I make you
Come to me.
Let go now—
There!
You see?
Oh, remember
This simple lesson,
Child,
And when
In later years
You cry out
With tight fists
And tears—
“Oh, help me,
God—please.”—
Just listen
And you’ll hear
A silent voice:
“I would, child,
I would.
But it’s you,
Not I,
Who needs to try
Godhood.”
(Carol Lynn Pearson, Beginnings, Provo: Trilogy Arts, 1967, p. 18.)
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I actually have thought of this thread a couple times in the last day or two. I ran across a quote that by Elder Oaks that is applicable to the discussion.
In speaking regarding divorce, Elder Oaks said:
Elder Oaks - Divorce - April 2007 ConferenceWhatever the outcome and no matter how difficult your experiences, you have the promise that you will not be denied the blessings of eternal family relationships if you love the Lord, keep His commandments, and just do the best you can.
Note: he doesn't indicate that to enjoy eternal family relationships, one must reconcile to their former spouse in this life, or other various steps. 1) love the Lord, 2) keep His commandments, and 3) just do the best you can.
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Pam! Where is the Vehemently Disagree button??? This type of behavior is one of the few things on these forums that really gets me steamed! I'm ticked that my sister who is struggling was just kicked while she was down.I was not and am not trying to be mean, just honest and frank. I HAVE suffered through depression and the fact of the matter is you're only depressed because you keep thinking about yourself and how dismal your situation is. How telling is it that you want to die when you have two daughters to worry about? How is your death going to help them? It may ease YOUR suffering but it will definitely make THEIRS worse - as someone who has lost a parent at a young age I KNOW. And yet you're not thinking about them or their pain, only your own. That's the definition of selfishness. I don't care what you've been through, your daughters are more important. "The Son of Man hath descended below them all. Art thou greater than he?"
So I reiterate, you're being selfish and you need to get over yourself and start thinking about the other people in your life. If you want the LDS doctrinal equivalent - lose yourself in service and you'll find the joy of the Lord.
It's not judgemental, it's tough love.
That post was not done in love at all was it Puff? Clearly, it is judgemental, and very self-serving. Very very ugly. If you are not uplifting the downtrodden, which master are you really serving? The LAST thing that someone with depression struggles needs is to be told they are inferior or doing badly. Perhaps you feel you need a swift kick in the butt to motivate yourself to get past your personal deamons, but applying that across all mediums and all people is just flat wrong.
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YEP! It was about 4 months after baptism that I was really being tried and tempted. Everyone's situation was different, but for me, it was in part because I hadn't changed enough yet to really be able to be in tune with the Spirit. Getting involved in serious regular reading of the Book of Mormon was the primary turn-around for me. That helped bring me to where I needed to be to be able to feel the Spirit.i was wondering if there is any other members that have felt like this.
Depression was also an issue for me. Sadly for some of us, there are true medical issues that can prevent us from being in the right frame of mind to feel the Spirit. They are all 'hormone' problems per se, although some may be rooted in the thyroid, hormone changes in aging women, or specific neurotransmitter deficiencies or excesses. Your GP doesn’t sound like he’s being very through or considerate. You might have to demand to see a specialist if he isn’t willing to help as he should. Sometimes we have to take control of our own health and view the Dr’s as tools rather than hope to rely on them for answers.
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I can't say I've dealt with the dilemma you are facing. I didn't have a woman to worry about when I served a mission. But I did serve, and I've felt the euphoria you are feeling about her. I do offer a little bit of hindsight perspective though having been married 14 years now.
If you want advice plain and blunt, mine is: serve a mission. No question or hesitation in my mind (and that is because I’m not wrapped up in the emotions you are).
A few of the reasons that would be my advice:
Have you both prayed to find out what Heavenly Father's will is? If she has, and He approves of you two getting married, AND, she is committed enough of a person to be an eternal companion, she will wait. If she really wasn’t willing to wait and be committed given such a revelation through prayer, one must wonder if she would have the determination to remain married for the long term.
And yes, you should be seeking Heavenly Father’s will and approval before making a decision to marry IMO. The decision is FAR too important to make on your feelings alone and without spiritual guidance.
What you are experiencing right now – the euphoria and infatuation of a new relationship are real feelings you are experiencing, but they are counterfeit feelings in the grand scheme of marriage relationships. To understand that idea, I would highly suggest reading the first two chapters of The Five Love Languages.
It’s also my personal opinion that marrying her before you have a chance to serve a mission not only shortchanges you, but is selfish in that it also shortchanges her, or whomever you do end up marrying. She deserves someone that has gone through that maturing and development of the spiritual dimension that a mission can bring.
I do wonder if you have talked about it with her. Is she encouraging you to go? Or is she putting her own selfish desires before the counsel of prophets (that you should serve) and what is right? As we tend to gravitate towards individuals of our own individual development, I suppose she’s struggling the same as you.
It really does boil down to what you want most – your own desires right now, or to do what is ‘right’ – to do Heavenly Father’s will and work and save marriage for later. You will have 50+ years in this life to be married, and eternity to continue that marriage, but only one small window to serve a mission at this point in your second estate.
I have lots of other thoughts about why you should serve, but I’ll leave it at that for now.
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Kumusta ka vanghienelson!
I'm not sure there is much you can do if he is unwilling. What you describe of his behavior makes me nervous that there is far more going on with him than is readily apparent. I'm reluctant to even refer to him as a 'husband' given what you have described.
I would second the idea of contacting his bishop for assistance in resolving the matter.
Your prediciment seems to be one of the situations Elder Oaks describes where divorce may be justified. It is simply not fair for him to abandon you and leave you stuck in a country where divorce is not allowed. Elder Oaks - Divorce - April 2007 Conference
From wikipedia:
Philippine law, in general, does not provide for divorce inside the Philippines. The only exception is with respect to Muslims. In certain circumstances Muslims are allowed to divorce. For those not of the Muslim faith, the law only allows annulment. Article 26 of the Family Code of the Philippines does provide that
Where a marriage between a Filipino citizen and a foreigner is validly celebrated and a divorce is thereafter validly obtained abroad by the alien spouse capacitating him or her to remarry, the Filipino spouse shall have capacity to remarry under Philippine law.[11]
This would seem to apply only if the spouse obtaining the foreign divorce is an alien. However, the Supreme Court of the Philippines declared in the case of RP vs. Orbecidio
[..] we are unanimous in our holding that Paragraph 2 of Article 26 of the Family Code (E.O. No. 209, as amended by E.O. No. 227), should be interpreted to allow a Filipino citizen, who has been divorced by a spouse who had acquired foreign citizenship and remarried, also to remarry.[12]
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Can you say INSECURE? Wow. Not quite the polished response typically expected of a politician and leader.
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I may be wrong here, but since LostSheep hasn't had a chance to reply more timely, I thought I would jump in and try to keep the thread from derailing completely.
I believe LostSheep wants this for himself - to create a sense of accountability to someone else. And I think he is doing a good thing looking for a tool like this based on what I know. So, there is little or no intent of violating other's rights.
I suppose if it is a common family computer, the family has to be aware of it, but that's easy to deal with. I do wonder though Lost if your family is involved in this, otherwise, wouldn't they be willing to put out a few $ for a reliable program?
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It is not uncommon for clinical depression to set in in the late teens. What you describe in the first two lines says to me you ought to see a specialist and see what they think. If you simply can't shake the feelings, there may be an illness underlying it all. Go see your doc, ok?
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[sarcasam]Yeah, and the atonement was for naught, and we must save ourselves through perfection.[/sarcasam]You can't really divorce anyway. Jesus was against divorce.
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that girl's sooo coool
Ok, now I understand the reason for not wanting to go!
Just kidding.What's that line from the animated jungle book? "Don't pay no attention to them things, they aint nothing but trouble!"
Seriously, I think we can all understand how a third delay would be a blow that would thow most any of us off balance. But we all want to see you pick yourself back up, shake it off, and remain resolved. Easier said than done. But in the case of a mission, it will be WELL worth it.
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Another thought I had, (although not the best for the kids' learning to take on responsibilites) is to hire a house cleaning service. Seems that both you and your wife are VERY busy, and not having to deal with household chores could allow you to spend more quality time with your children. Just a thought.
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Only two months Vort? I ended up being in the MTC 3.5 months. Regular 2 for learning the language, 1.5 in the telecenter just after it started. Then it was 4.5 months in a temporary mission stateside before finally shipping out. Visa waiting can be trying.
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Yep, and yep.
Remember the other thread regarding attempts to thwart your serving financially, and why you might be having such difficulty?
I did some visa waiting, albeit after I had entered the MTC. Even that wasn't easy to deal with. I feel for you.
What is two more months in the scheme of the eternities?
Consider this, there may be very purposeful reasons your departure is being delayed - something that you are needed for at home in that time, or timing that has to be right in the field. Time to not worry so much about what you are thinking, and get on your knees and find out what HF is planning. :)
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No IMO. It would not be fair to you, AND it would not be fair to them. I would suggest the same thing that ViolinGirl suggested, do your own laundry (or yours and your wifes), and that way they have an opportunity to learn - as opposed to doing it all yourself and denying them of that opportunity.would i be better to just forget about it and do every thing myself?
As you already identified, going the route of doing it all yourself will complicate the situation with more anger (and resentment). In reality, what is needed is for everyone to take a step back and calm down, and learn how to live with one another peacably, right?
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What makes me uncomfortable with the stances taken in some posts is that the poster(s) seem to presume that we are responsible to “save” ourselves. The language that a person ‘must do this or that’ seems to deny the Savior’s necessary role in our salvation, let alone the role the atonement will have in our exaltation.
RealDeseret’s ex wife will never be perfect no matter how hard she tries. Does that preclude her from any possibility of exaltation? If I accept that, than I might as well quit trying, as I’m doomed. Fortunately, I understand that the atonement is far more encompassing and merciful than that.
I honestly don’t think the posts are meant to express positions without faith in the Savior, but that is the result I see. It’s a hard line for LDS to walk as the culture is so driven to do all we can (which I don’t see as a bad thing, so long as we retain the correct understanding).
I also see extreme unresolved pain in the past of a couple individuals strongly coloring their ability to consider the whole picture.
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As unfriendly as it may seem RealDeseret, I mean it with love when I say I agree with Rameumptom that there are some aspects that perhaps you should address with a therapist and priesthood leaders. 10 years is an awfully long time to have not moved on, and to be feeling hurt and blindsided by the latest action by your former wife.
Hopefully the tangential discussions have been beneficial to you to understand that you are in no way “screwed” because of the actions of others. We all are hurt at various times to varying degrees by the actions or inactions of others. As long as we are trying to do what we need to, all will be made whole.
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I'm about a half hour north of you Pam. As I was laying in bed to go to sleep last night, I began to smell faint smoke. My mind immediately began racing wonding if my son was alright, what was burning, etc, etc. Then I remembered the news stories. Yep, smelled like grass fire.
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Harvey, sorry about that unfortunte timing where ours posts crossed one another. I am referring to InnerGold, whose website is a commercial site selling products.
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Just because a program works doesn't mean it is founded upon rational understanding.
I'm callling spam on these InnerGold posts. They are just an attempt to advertise commercial products and get links out there for search engine optimization.
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LOL. You should try taking abnormal psychology classes. Talked about confused people! Everybody thinks they are everything. It's quite disconcerting.
That is why all those on-line type questionnaires have (or at least should have) the disclaimer that they are simply initial screening tools, and that a professional should be consulted for diagnosis.
Edit to add: Many disorders are simply extremes of what are otherwise considered normal behaviors or responses (i.e. most everyone gets ‘blue’ from time to time, but not everyone gets depressed to the point they cannot get past it). That is why it is so common to see traits of oneself when looking at the various disorders.
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I disagree with your understandings of the functions of the brain. We would not die without learned behaviors and experience, else we would all be dead before we had a chance to even get started!!! Rather, the brain is self regulating with neurotransmitters that are both excitatory and inhibitory. It doesn't take learning for the brain to engage either of these mechanisms. Babies are able to self-soothe and regulate without any learning.
How then do you explain brain scans that show pornography as exciting dopaminergic networks similar to psycho-active stimulants? And why the prevalence to self-medication by stimulation seeking disorders such as ADHD?
Have you ever viewed porn? An increasing heart rate, increasing blood pressure, "arousal" - tenting or erection, and all of the other physiological changes that are associated clearly show stimulation, not relaxation.
From Science, 2001: cientists have traditionally confined their use of the term to substances--namely alcohol and other drugs-that clearly foster physical dependence in the user. That's changing, however. New knowledge about the brain's reward system, much gained by super refined brain scan technology, suggests that as far as the brain is concerned, a reward's a reward, regardless of whether it comes from a chemical or an experience. And where there's a reward, there's the risk of the vulnerable brain getting trapped in a compulsion. "Over the past 6 months, more and more people have been thinking that, contrary to earlier views, there is commonality between substance addictions and other compulsions," says Alan Leshner, head of the National Institute on Drug Abuse (NIDA) and incoming executive officer of the American Association for the Advancement of Science, publisher of Science. ... [says] Howard Shaffer, who heads the Division on Addictions at Harvard. "...a lot of addiction is the result of experience ... repetitive, high emotion, high frequency experience. But it's become clear that neuroadaptation- that is, changes in neural circuitry that help perpetuate the behavior-occurs even in the absence of drug-taking."
A review of neuroimaging studies of how the brain changes as a consequence of addictive changes may be found at Nat Neurosci. 2004 Mar;7(3):211-4. Epub 2004 Feb 24.
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I'll contend it is a stimulant not a relaxant, and that is why people predisposed to becoming addicted to stimulation seeking behaviors have such a hard time letting go of it. Research I have read regarding PET scans of brains supports the idea that it is a stimulant.Pornography provides a sense of relaxation when viewing it and our brains record this as a survival mechanism
Relaxant that triggers survival mechanisms?
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Done, see your PM inbox. I'm not posting links in the public forum for a variety of reasons, but the introduction to the book is available on Google Books.
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"Insight doesn't set us free-it just lets us know where the fight is. The question remains whether we are willing to fight it out . . . with ourselves." - David Schnarch - author of Passionate Marriage. Passionate Marriage is clearly not a book aimed at LDS as it is more frank, detailed, and crude than most would feel comfortable with, but the book has some great insights in how to identify your own motivations for your actions. Lost, you might enjoy this book even though it is aimed at improving relationships within marriage. The entire premise of the book is that people improve their marriages by identifying counterproductive motivations within themselves. I can send you a couple scanned chapters if you are interested in seeing if you want to read the whole book. Let me know and I'll provide you links.hey puff...that is a really interesting point...can I ask just for my own benefit how you can come to find out if there is a deeper problem? I am stuck on the same thing and no matter how hard I try i always slip back into it...so how do I know if there are other issues I need to address?...sorry for borrowing your thread regretfulguy!
Sealing Cancellation Request
in LDS Gospel Discussion
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Chet, as one that has felt gender bias here at times, I didn't see that as one of them. Perhaps my perspective is different because I understand what it is like to live with someone that has mental illness - esp undiagnosed mental illness. Even if you DO know what is driving the behavior, it can be more difficult to put up with than most people will ever understand in this life. And when it is undiagnosed/unknown, it is incredibly difficult. I dare say there are very few that are able, or to be expected, to be fully faithful under such circumstances.
To expect a woman or man, to not be tempted to leave a marriage when their basic needs are not being met is unreasonable IMO. We are faliable mortals. We all have our limits to what we can deal with. Bottom line, I didn't see Maya's post as gender biased, simply a comment on a specific situation.