Tired

Update: It has a been a rough few days but I'm happy to say that we are headed down the right path. Satan is working hard on me but with the love of The Lord I have been able to sift through this whole mess with out completely losing my mind. We will be attending our first 12 Step support group mtg tonite. I am so grateful for this forum for helping me thru my darkest times. Thank you to all for the advice, support & kind words .

Yes, that would be the ideal thing for our marriage right now . I would love for that to happen. Too bad its not that easy. He says he is unsure. He hates his addiction but he loves it. He wants to stop but he doesn't. I am giving him time to think this over because I want the desire for change to come from him .

I told him my feelings as suggested by missionary. No ultimatums . I just wanted him to knoe where I am at with this whole mess. Im looking into support groups for myself. Prayerfully taking things slow . Trying to fix me. I am still scared to break my kids heart but I've decided that Im not going to live with this addiction. I love my husband very much but I need to love myself too. Now more than ever .

My kids are not at all affected .They don't know that mommy is sad & daddy has an addiction.We don't fight & scream & drag out our drama in front of the kids. My misery pretty much stays between my husband & I. I have come a long way & learned to hide my pain... and that's why I'm torn between divorce. Deal with my own broken heart is hard enough .I'm not sure I can deal with 4 innocent ones....

Thank you for sharing you story. When does the desire to change come? When will he acknowledge that his behavior is unhealthy to our marriage? I realize now that all the times he was "clean" was because I pushed him to . There was no time where he came clean or seemed out help on his own. I'm scared that its not the porn that's ruining our marriage , It's my marriage that's ruining his beloved addiction ..

Yes we are

It was enough ... at the time. Then he'd relapse

Exactly! We seperated before when the kids were much younger. Broke my heart the way they cried when daddy had to leave. 10yrs and they will be young adults.. If I could just endure that much longer ...

Thank you. I believe that too.. However my kids have no idea there is anything wrong with our marriage. My & my husband are pretty good "friends" and so that's what my kids see. We have regular family outings, FHE , prayers etc.. My kids are my heart and I sheild them from my personal drama . That's why divorce scares me..

His addiction started with pornography. Then recently I caught him texting these fantasies to an actual real person.i'm afraid the next step will be infidelity. Although he denies it, I believe that if he was given the oppurtunity to be unfaithful he will. We have gone to the bishop several times in the past . He would get "cleaned" & few months or yrs later he will relapse. Lots of broken promises of saying he will get help but than never follow through . Everything he has done was because I pushed him. In the end HE has to want to change, like you said. I'm not seeing that .It's been such a roller coaster ride that I think even he has given up. All I know is that It's draining me & I just want to b happy & I'm lonely because I feel like I'm the only one putting my heart into this marriage. Thank you for taking time to response. I appreciate it.

Let me clarify .. Pornography addiction not sexual preditor.

There are rental/vacation homes in the area that you can rent. Instead of paying for rooms at Turtle Bay everyone can pitch in for a house instead. It's pretty pricey but so is staying @ any hotel unless you have hook ups = )

I have been married to a porn addict for 15yrs. Through out those yrs we have countlessly battled against this addiction.... Losing each time. It's a continous cycle. In the last year I have caught him sexting (sending sexual texts) to someone he claims to have never met. I guess its like calling those "900" #s . I have given up on trying to fight his addiction. That has given him the green light to go full force into his addiction. How much more am I suppose to endure? Words cant explain all the pain & misery this addiction has brought. I have 4 beautiful kids and I am trying to put their needs before mines. It hurts to be in this marriage but I don't know what other options do I have. I don't have the strength to fight anymore.