idahomommyof4

And yes, I have tried to get my husband to go talk with the bishop with me. He absolutely refuses. We have very little money, and of course that always contributes to stress in a marriage. I make do with what we have. not that I don't want or hope to get to a different position where things aren't so tight so we can eventually go on our first-ever family vacation. (I'm talking about something besides camping...which we do occasionally during the year...but even then...he goes off into the mountains hiking--we usually go with friends, and the husbands go hiking/hunting, and the wives stay in camp, entertain kids, and cook). So kind of takes any fun out of doing a family thing together when the men are gone all the time. I guess I am just so tired of trying to talk to a wall. He doesn't listen to one word I say. If I ask him ONE time to do something "would you mind taking the garbage out" (which I don't even bother asking him to do anymore, I just do it so I don't get chewed out or yelled at), I am accused of "nagging" him. I'm sorry. I'm just so....at the end of my rope, which is exactly why I entitled this post that.

My husband doesn't want to have to do anything in our marriage, in our family, in our home...that requires any sort of "maintenance" (my word, not his). I mean that he doesn't think that he needs to make any sort of effort in his relationship with me or his kids, unless it's convenient. When I say that, I mean if he's going hiking (which he spends WAY too much time doing), he will sometimes take one of the kids (we have 5, ranging from 10.5 to 1 year). He and I never go out on dates, or do anything together. He is always "too busy" (which most of the time translates to hiking, hunting, or sitting in front of the computer reading about sports or politics). I have tried SO MANY TIMES to change for him over the years. He always complained about every single thing I did or did not to do his expectations. The problems we have had in our marriage? Always me. I was brought up to tell the people you love that you love them. When we were dating, he was the first to say it, although I knew it before he said it. And I always said it to him more than he did to me. After we got married, I tried to always tell him I loved him. I was not obnoxious about it, just the usual times that you'd tell a spouse you'd love them. Most of the time, I'd say about 98%, he wouldn't even reply back to me. That kind of bothered me, but in his family they weren't really affectionate and I have never once heard his siblings tell each other or even their mother (dad is not even in the pic). I've never even heard the siblings or their spouses tell their kids that they love them in public (and yes there's plenty of family get-togethers that you'd think I would hear it maybe once?) I take every opportunity to tell my children just how much I love them and how important they are to me. I have pretty much thrown myself into showing my kids how much I love them...they are my whole world. My husband leaves dirty clothes wherever in the house he takes them off, dirty dishes wherever he finishes eating, shoes where they were taken off...if he takes something out (tools, food, vacuum, etc) and uses it, he leaves it out for me to put away. He treats me like a maid. I do all aspects of cleaning and everything else in our home, and take care of the yard. I am just at a point where I am tired of being treated like a nothing. In November, my grandmother passed away, and I have had a very very difficult time with it. I found out about 7:30am, and he was out hiking that morning. He came home and I told him about it. His reply, "well, it's not like you didn't know it was coming". COMPLETELY without feeling. No hug, no "i'm sorry"...NOTHING. My opinions and thoughts and feelings just don't matter to him. My mom also has recently had some health issues...she is dealing with cancer for the 4th time. When I tearfully told my husband about THAT....I got the same response, with no feeling whatsoever..."Well, it's cancer...you kind of EXPECT it to come back". There's alot of other issues too, this is just the tip of the iceburg. But I am at a point where I think things would be better if we either separated or divorced. He has told me time after time that I am "selfish" for wanting to be happy...this is during "talks" of when I am trying to get him to sit down with me and makes some goals to improve our marriage and family life. He doesn't know how to talk things out or communicate. His idea of communicating is, he says what he thinks...and that's all there is to it. he's right, I am wrong. There is no "my" side of things or "my" opinion. He is the priesthood holder, I am just the lowly wife. Children are very forgiving...and they don't see (luckily) how he treats me or realize how little he puts into his family life. I"m glad they are young enough not to realize. It truly breaks my heart. And yes, I have been to the bishop. SEVERAL times. I have told him what our marriage and family life are like. The bishop's response was..."support him. Show him that you believe in him. Take time to do things with him. Communicate with him. Tell him what's going on in your mind, and ask him his opinion". I flat-out told the bishop that I have been desperately TRYING to do just that for YEARS.....but when he only sits and blames me for everything (having had 7 jobs in 14 years, it's my fault the economy is bad, our home is not the cookie cutter perfect house that his sister, who's husband is a dr., has; I am not some mindless idiot who lets my husband do anything he wants). He has anger issues and won't even address those. It's ok for him to go around the house cussing and swearing and slamming doors and kicking things etc...but if I have had a rough day (and have been obviously crying) and am stressed, he yells at me and lectures me on how I need to quit feeling sorry for myself. I am frustrated with my bishop, who said that he would bring my husband into his office to talk to him and see what he could help with. That was almost 3 months ago that the bishop said he'd bring my husband in and talk with him. My husband won't listen to anyone....so I don't know that the bishop talking to him will help, but I was hoping that since he IS our bishop, maybe something he said would hit home with my husband. I am just at the point where I am at the end of my rope. The job my husband has right now ends in July. he has to get another job, and right now is applying for grad school, because he thinks that is our only option. He has hardly even looked to see what else there is. And it was never a joint decision for him to go to grad school...he just decided, and that was that. Problem is....that will make us have to move our family to one of two places. One is 4 hours away, one is about 10 hours away. But....if he continues to be unwilling to work on our marriage and family, I am not going ANYWHERE with him. No matter how I say it, no matter how hard I work to keep things calm and cleaned up and stuff for him, it's NEVER good enough. I'm tired of it. I'm tired of being treated like a maid and servant, only used when it's convenient and needed. I am worth more than that. Not to him, obviously, but to someone. I am the type of person who give their whole heart to someone. And to have someone chip away at that year after year after year...slowly breaks one down. Please tell me I am not alone in my situation! I have only one friend who knows what is going on. Apparently at church everyone thinks things are just peachy. Which I am very quiet and shy...so people don't really know me. The husband puts on a good show, I guess. I guess that I am just at the end of my rope. I am tired mentally and physically and don't know what to do anymore. I have tried everything I can. And when nothing I do is good enough for him....I just don't know. I am at a loss. And I have never felt more lonely. I have not said a word to any of my family members. We live far enough away it's easy to hide what's going on. I don't know what he says to his family. Anyways, sorry my rant has gone on and on and isn't very organized. I have so many emotions and feelings going on that my brain is a little big scrambled sometimes.

I would also notify the Primary President about what is going on. I just got released as the 2nd counselor in our primary presidency and we had boys (twins) that are developmentally delayed. We have had a lot of problems with them (starting when they first came into Sunbeams). We decided that as a presidency that we would help these boys as much as we could without having their parents have to come sit with them (which their parents every Sunday assured us that we could come get them if we ever needed them--but we told them we'd see how well we could do on our own). If the child is misbehaving in primary (whether it's in class or in singing/sharing time), they went out in the hallway with one of us Presidency members. We sat down with them and quietly explained to them why their behavior was unacceptable. We reminded them that they are at church, and that the spirit can't be there if they are not acting right. We then gave them two options--they could go back to class and behave, or else they could go sit in a classroom by themselves with the Primary president or other presidency member and have a one-on-one primary lesson. Of course they wanted to be with their classmates. This really worked well not only for these twins but also some other kids who occasionally were having problems that day. I also liked the idea another member posted about talking to the mom and mentioning that you noticed that the boys weren't getting along and asking for her help in coming up with a solution. Then she won't be defensive, but rather responsive and most definitely would appreciate having the opportunity to help resolve the problem than add "fuel to the fire" that the boys seem to already have going on. I hope things get resolved!!

Hi and welcome to the forum! I mostly just kinda stay behind the scenes on this forum, but wanted to let you know that I can totally relate! Ok, granted I am 31 years old now, but when I was a laurel, it was really hard. And I even went to the SAME school as the girls I was in class with! I was very shy, however. I'm sure that had a LOT to do with it. One idea is you said you try to be involved in the conversation (good for you!!!--I would've had a hard time w/ doing that especially if I was at another school!), instead of just saying "I hate teachers like that", you could say that and add..."I have this awful teacher that does this...." and add to it. At that age, it's awkward for a lot of people to engage in conversation with someone they aren't familiar with their situation (family, school, etc.). Give them a chance, though. Try to force yourself to be MORE outgoing that you usually would. Start the conversation! Talk about who's on what reality shows right now that you like/dislike. Talk about your classes (likes/dislikes). Plans for the future (college, etc.). They are probably feeling a little awkward too about how to include you. Sorry for the rambling :) I hope that the YW make you feel welcome and that you feel more a part of the ward. Take care!!!

Last month, the 1st counselor was doing Sharing Time. She was talking about faith and was explaining what faith is. She talked about how it is believing in something we can't see. She asked the classes (jr. primary) if any of them had heard of China. Everyone raised their hands. She asked how they knew that China was actually there & wasn't just something someone made up. The kids gave different answers such as seeing pictures from there, having family/friends who've visited there, etc. Then one boy in CTR 7 stood up and said, "well it's GOTTA be real, 'cuz everything is MADE there!" The adults just CRACKED up! It was priceless :)

Kayle, If you pm me your email address, I will get the one that we used for our ward and scan it in and email it to you. I'll pm you with my email address :) Alyssa