Hheinze

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  1. My circumstance: recently married, part of YW, and going to community college. So I have a wonderful husband but he is pursuing a lot too much... He's working ft and trying to complete a certification and the house is always a mess.. It drives me insane.. And I try to manage my time so efficiently but I feel it isn't enough. I don't feel like I have enough energy or time to take care of the home and studying. Part of it is also that I have been sick and so I have to catch up at school but I just can't help but feel like I am not enough sometimes. My grades aren't doing well and I try so hard to keep them up but I just feel like a mess cause I'm so disorganized right now and I am not blaming just my husband, trust me... I want to change and I want my relationship with my husband to get more spiritual again...I don't manage stress well and I'm having breakdowns... He says to just concentrate on my studies and he'll do the rest but it's like an itch I can't help scratching every time I see something messy. My life I feel has lost complete order. Please help.
  2. i am accepting professional help (counseling/psychologists) but I don't want to take meds.supplements, sure.anyways, thnks for the advice.
  3. Return missionary I have mentioned says as often as he can "I never imagined falling in love with a borderline".I have been diagnosed as bipolar although the doctor and I never even had a session- rather just a hypothesis made up from genetics and the fact that my mother has been diagnosed as such.I have been diagnosed with depression, adhd, ptsd and was put on medication when i was 8 yrs old.Thats when I started having psychiatrists.Freshman year I realized what they were doing but regardless was influenced to such an extent to believe that the pills would help that yes I am less than human without them.Theyve put me on lithium ritalin zyrtec (which made me pass out in the middle of health class freshman yr) along with other nonsense.The only difference I now feel between taking pills and not...is that my parents feel better when Im on it rather than not.Not to say that medication can be necessary but as a personal choice, I feel better understanding what my diagnosis and not being dependant on a drug to be able to better myself and practice self-mastery.I do believe from my own research that yes I probably do have ptsd and signs of depression but I have experienced that the gospel can heal all wounds and regardless of what psychological term you can reference to describe an individual, jesus christ makes up for bad experiences...You can still learn from bad experiences...Though I and I know he would prefer otherwise. He makes weak things strong...He is the great equalizer..I need him so...!!!
  4. yes, i agree maybe mental illness is of concern but I am more than willing to evaluate myself and figure myself out, do not get me wrong.I am seeing a counselor and have seen many psychologists and embrace change and self-improvement but, in too many occasions, people begin to see others as the title of their medical prescription and that, good sir, is what I would like avoided.
  5. everyone has some type of diagnosis.i don't like to stick to psychological terms.all i know is i need my hf.
  6. i don't think that the suicide hotline would be necessary.All my thoughts derive from lack of spiritual/emotional nourishment.i need a long time counselor and my bishop.ive been talking to both which helps.I'm not like that 24/7...But I'll be sure to contact them if I feel like dying.thanks again. hheinze.
  7. Yes, I realize that the farther I am from heavenly father the less likely I can feel love. I've been raised in a family that makes me feel worthless. I left a guy to go with my previous boyfriend he says he wants to marry me despite our breaking the loc.I regret leaving my ex...I'm uncertain about my future.I tried killing myself on monday.got back from the hospital yesterday.ive been active again in the church for like this month.i know suicide is wrong but ive had suicidal tendencies since i was 13-ish. help. HHeinze
  8. Thank You, everyone for your comments.I want an eternal marriage in the temple so bad...I want to be married and to be a pure beautiful bride so bad :) The disciplinary councils been moved to two weeks from now.
  9. The worst part is knowing I've disappointed the man I left...And that I cant go back.
  10. Hi, I have been a church member for almost 2 yrs now and am going to have church disciplinary action.I am meeting with the bishopric on Sunday. My membership has been the most emotional period of my life and I wouldn't want to leave for any reason.I have gained a deep testimony and I am a True convert in the sense that, though I make mistakes, I will never truly forsake God.I cannot blame him for what I do...But in there lies also my biggest dilemma cause I am so so hard on myself. I am the only one who understand right from wrong in my family and have been alienated from them for a long time now. My missionary came home early.I sent him back. I was dating an amazing man who wanted me to become his wife and I walked away from him to rejoin this missionary because I couldn't accept someone else's word when saying that me and this missionary couldn't work out.It led me back to my previous sins and after 3 months of not going to church I have started to talk to my bishop again and will be receiving church discipline. I feel ashamed, I feel like I shouldn't have left the man I was dating while the missionary was on his mission...I regret so much and I am afraid.I can't say I'm not because I haven't taken sacrament in a year and a couple months now and I'm okay with knowing that there is consequence but it's a matter of accepting this time as my friend (and a time to heal) rather than my enemy. I don't need to be told what I have to do...I just need genuine support. As for the people dealing with the LOC, I am glad to see you're here looking for help.I'm just like you and I know we know there is only one way.This road is long, hard, and can get lonely.I am glad to hear I am not alone and I pray all of you the strength to endure. I would love to get in touch with at least one of you so that we can become anchors to each other.Support groups aren't there for no reason and neither are forums :) Please respond. I feel really alone and Ill probably get dis fellowshipped- I know I'm doing the right thing...I just hope you understand.This is hard.
  11. That's great!I'm so happy for you...I'm going through some tough times waiting for my missionary and I didn't expect it being as hard as it's been just this past week. Anyways,my missionary is going to Samara, Russia and we have a mutual friend serving his mission in Moscow: Elder Larsen from Danville, CA. Ask your missionary about him for me!!!Hopefully they have met! Best Wishes, Heike.