somuchtogive

I know this may be off the original subject but might be at the root of resolution....do you read your scriptures together and pray together every day? If not, I suggest you do. As you read together, you can discuss problems like this easier and with the Spirit to help guide the both of you. Some things take courage. I hope your wife chooses courage. I'd let her know how grateful you have been of her example to let her light so shine for you and how that has strengthened you. You can apologize for not being the light you should have been in the past and let her know that you want to be.

That's a toughie. Perhaps a little time away from each other will help you sort out any feelings of confusion. But be prepared...it may not have the affect you would like it to have. Sometimes things take time. Perhaps you can pray for guidance on what to do. I know from personal past experience that I just didn't know what to do when I had a guy who wanted to marry me. It is a bit stressful when one is ready and the other is not. Prayer...seek some help from up above, make a decision, move forward and have faith. Easier said than done. I know. The answer may be as simple as to be patient or it might be to move on. Best of luck.

Is it possible to be on guard duty with someone you met when you attended the LDS church services? Perhaps instead of letting things stew and drive you to distraction while you are on guard duty, you could have someone in which you could ask about their beliefs and share your concerns with. That way you have a constructive way to process your thoughts. Just a thought. Try to be constructive in your thinking. Of course, if talking is not permitted while you are on guard duty this wouldn't be advised. If the above is not appropriate, ask one of the LDS members if you can bounce off your questions and concerns with him frequently at other times. Also...I know if I think about stressful things way too much and doubt things way too much I become negative, pessimistic, and become stuck or spiral down. Mole hills become mountains and I find I have created a situation that is a lot bigger than what it is. My advice would be to choose to be constructive in your thoughts drive doubts away (i.e. thoughts that this will lead to divorce, etc.). You will feel much more settled about things. Perhaps the thing that may be of most benefit to you is to start seeking a relationship with God. Try really reading the Book of Mormon with a sincere heart and real intent. Give it a really good read (at least 100 pages). I think you will find a strength and peace that will help you in your current situation that doesn't negate your wife and will help you sift through the concerns you currently have. Just a suggestion. I think you can still regard your wife as your soulmate even if you don't feel as though she consulted you like you would have liked about her decision. I can understand the hurt you would feel. You should share that with her. I don't foresee this being a wedge in your marriage unless you let it. My Dad was the most amazing man. He did whatever he could to make my mother happy. He loved her and trusted her. She did the same with him. There were the odd occasion that they would disagree but my Dad always lived by the motto: It is more important to do the right thing than to be right. He always did what he could to make my mother happy. He always put her first. They are soul mates and have an awesome marriage. It takes sacrifice and a willingness to make each other happy. My Dad was and is incredibly unselfish. I have so much love and respect for him. Your daughters will too as you trust in your wife. She seems like she is a level-headed lady who truly loves you. I think you are a lucky man. I think she also thinks the same of you. Try not to let your mind over process this whole thing. We don't always have all the answers to the future. Sometimes we have to live by faith. I have so much admiration for you for what you have already done seeking for information. You are doing a great job out there serving. I am guessing it is not easy mentally, physically, or emotionally but you have my full support. Thanks for serving!

Some of the best advice I heard someone give was: Don't marry expecting the person will change. I have also observed that people become more and more like each other in a marriage (over the years together). Tough one. I would have to say that I wouldn't trade the blessings of the temple and the priesthood in my home for anything.

Um...that makes NO sense to me at all unless she had a child to begin with when you met her. What you are saying is that you plan to stick by her even if the child isn't yours which means you stick by her even though she is sleeping with other men (since she is in early pregnancy). Something is not quite clicking in that brain of yours. I am not going to tell you that this can't work out. I am going to tell you that you are going to have to face reality when it comes to a lot of ways that your life is going to change. And...there will be a lot of unexpecteds that you will have to expect. For example...you don't know how you will be accepted into her family. If you are financially independent, things will be easier. If not, you have no idea the repercussions you are putting on your own family. Often times we don't think about how our actions affect other people. Take courage. Do the right thing. Become informed. Be responsible. Continue to go to church even if you are disfellowshipped or excommunicated. Be repentant. Be sure to get in good standing with the church again. That way...if you do marry (or even if you don't) you will have the priesthood to bless the lives of your children. The road is not going to be easy. Right now you do not realize the gravity of what you have done. When you do, then you will have to seek lots of counsel to make the right choice. I do have to agree with everyone...get a paternity test first before you marry this young lady. It will be peace of mind. She may be all the things you hope for in someone. Unfortunately...there are better ways of starting a life off together. DO: send her a Book of Mormon, the missionaries, and let her know the church is important to you. That is the right direction to go. Let us know how things go.

Oh...by the way...you may be confused by all the stuff that was in the media about the polygamous FLDS group in Texas a year ago or so. That's not our church ... so breathe easy. The official name of our church is: The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. We are also known as LDS or Mormons.

First, a big thank you for serving our country. Second, it sounds like your wife has a great husband. Third, it sounds like you have a great wife. You say that your wife is your soul mate, best friend, etc. Lucky you. Lucky her. Knowing such, I think it fair to say that you can trust her and would do well to still trust her. Look, there are many members of the LDS church worldwide. It might surprise you who are members: Stephenie Meyer (author of the Twilight series), Steve Young (famous football player), Harry Reid, Gladys Knight, etc. Click here to see a youtube video of some: My sister-in-law is a convert to the church who happened to be an only child in a prestigious and very devout Catholic family. Her parents, like you, were very concerned. That was 15 years ago. To their credit, they didn't disown her. They have since expressed gratitude and respect for her membership in the church. The church simply makes bad people good and good people even better. My sister-in-law has always been good. She expresses how it makes her even better. For me, I am grateful for my membership in this church. You will still see people who struggle, people with difficulties, and even some members who don't live by the teachings of the gospel....but you will also see the happiest families on earth. I am very grateful for my mother who joined the church so that I could be raised in it. I would advise you ask around your unit to see if they hold an LDS church meeting and attend. Ask those in your unit, or nearby units, that are LDS about their beliefs. See what it is about the church that caused your wife to join. You will probably find that there is nothing to worry about...and if anything, you will find an added peace and direction in your life by finding out for yourself what your wife has found. Like alot of things, there are some things in the media and on-line about the church that are not true...so don't let that scare you. It is best to go to the source and look up the church website to find more and ask a practicing member in your unit about their beliefs. Here is the church website (click on the words below to be directed there): Mormon.org - Home And here are some clips that are worth watching (you will need earphones): Part 1 YouTube - True and living God part 1 Part 2 YouTube - True and Living God part 2 YouTube - MormonMessages's Channel YouTube - mormon messages Fear not. God is watching out for you. You will find that what your wife has done will be the most important and greatest blessing of your lives together. I hope this helps! Focus on the work you have to do. Have peace of mind. Pray.

Okay all you out there.... I watched the movie in an advance showing. I wasn't going expecting much...just knowing it took half a billion to make...so I thought I would see what the hype was about. My opinion... -I didn't get sick by the use of 3D. At first it was a little weird but the brain adapts. -The graphic effects were very good. -The story line had some good ideas behind it and could have been great...but then it got quite predictable. I think great movies inspire and cause you to think. The things that Cameron wanted to make us think about were too overt. All the answers fit too tidily in a box. Great movies allow for complexities. It missed it's opportunity for a great story. -I, like someone else who posted, did notice some of the profanity but I was passive to it. I noticed that it felt so passive (maybe because it wasn't used so frequently) and that isn't a good sign (on my part). -Way too predictable. -I thought the "mating" scene wasn't graphic but wasn't necessary either. Really very unnecessary. -Yeah...worth seeing...but not a CLASSIC GREAT in my opinion. It will probably change the way we see movies however and will be noted in history for it. That's my $15 worth (cost of the movie ticket). I will say however....I came out of the movie thinking it reminds me of another movie. I couldn't quite figure it out until I read someone's post here that it reminded them of "Fern Gully". LOL. It is SOOOOOOO true. That was the movie I was thinking of. I did like Fern Gully though. LOL.

Perhaps I can suggest....it being New Year's eve that your New Year's resolution be specific in this regard. Maybe it can look like this: "This year I choose to... a) believe b) cast out doubt and fear c) exercise hope and faith d) read the scriptures with purpose e) pray with intent and an open mind f) feed the "correct" dog (just thought I'd add that in) g) serve (wife, children, the needy) h) recognize the hand of the Lord in your life daily (just some suggestions). May I suggest you also watch these few clips: YouTube - MormonMessages's Channel YouTube - MormonMessages's Channel

Perhaps a little more information would be helpful as was suggested. I, interestingly, can relate to your post almost in its entirety...except for that I didn't really tell anyone. I was afraid it would affect their testimony too. I tried reading the scriptures but couldn't without feeling like it was a lie. First it started with the Book of Mormon and then it seeped into the Bible and then it seeped into my belief in Christ. It was concerning to me as I, too, loved the gospel but what I thought was the "intellectual" side took over. What I came to realize, sadly after several years, is that I was deceived by "intellectualism/logic" whose logic really isn't logical at all. It is short-sighted. How had I become so shallow? There are several questions I asked myself...and a few things I remembered that has helped me cling on... Questions to self 1) Would it be that bad if it weren't all true to live the gospel anyway? 2) Why am I feeling this way? Did I read something that contradicted my beliefs that began to decay my faith? Why did I give heed to it? 3) Is this in response to being discouraged, disappointed, or despondent in some things? 4) What has made me distrust? 5) Why did I once have a strong testimony? ...and several more. It came down to several things for me... 1) I had to REMEMBER.....times I'd prayed and received answers, the power I felt from receiving priesthood blessings, times I received knowledge by the Spirit that could come in no other way, the joy I felt as I trusted in God, the miracles that happened as I asked in true sincere faith, times when I felt the veil so thin, times when the Spirit made known things to me before they happened. The point is I had to REMEMBER and acknowledge their source. I also needed to hear the testimonies of some of the older members of the church who had some of that sage wisdom that comes from living through times of war, the Great Depression, and the effect faith had etc. It was getting back to basics. One such sage advice came when I was listening to an elderly member of my ward speak to his family in a Family Home Evening we were invited to. He said "My grandfather told me that there are two dogs to feed in life. It all depends which one you feed. Make sure you feed the right dog. That's the dog that is going to stick around". That may make no sense to you but it made perfect sense to me. If I didn't feed the doubtful side of me, then it would eventually go away seeking someone else to feed off of. On the other hand...if I continued to feed it, it would fatten and become my pet friend. And vice versa. It was a choice. I had to choose. I guess what I am saying is that is what is life is about...choices. You get to choose. That is wonderful. What dog are you going to choose to feed? May I suggest you choose your wife over your doubts of the gospel? In the end I think you will find your previous testimony will rekindle. I feel she is definitely the one that hurts the most from your choices. My recommendation: trust in her, lean on her testimony to start with. Be humble and teachable...and hopeful. When all is said and done, when you are at your life's end, you will not regret for one moment...choosing to feed the "correct" dog. Now that I am feeding the "correct" dog, I can see that the one I once fed with all my doubts was a dog full of deceit...which promoted selfishness, pride, and lack of purpose and responsibility (or reason to be responsible)...all because of "logic". It justified becoming "gentile" in my way of thinking and way of acting. Beware. It is Satan. It will take work and pushing through the barrier the doubts have created. It takes WORK and lots of it. You have to desire it. Reading your scriptures will feel empty for the time being and will continue to feel that way unless you truly desire it. You've got to want it. And when you do....it will eventually come but will take LOTS of work. I was too tired to do the work it takes initially. Anything in life that we find most valuable are the things that take a lot of work, sweat, and tears. It is worth it. Good for you for going to this advice board. Take courage and do the right thing. Keep us posted.