Dossice

Of course. As the simple yet beautiful primary song goes, "Love one another, as he has loved you."

Basically it's the same concept, xforeverxmetalx, but good point. I wouldn't mind if someone was talking about me in a congratulatory tone, as in "Oh hey, she just did this, I'm proud of her for working hard," but obviously not if it was the other way around. Would my friends care if I boasted about them? Most likely not, although they might be a bit bashful on the subject. Harshly criticized them behind their back or to their face? Of course they would care. Most likely they would even be highly offended. This reminds me of a training video that I just had to watch when I started work. It's called "Moment of Truth," and gives 4 questions that you should ask yourself when you come to a situation that your not sure about. Applied to the topic of talking about someone, I think it is really helpful. Here goes: #1 - Is it the truth? - Depending on what you're saying about the person, maybe, maybe not. #2 - Is it free of harm? - Would the information you give hurt the person if you told someone else and they found out? Is it possible you could loose a friend because of this information? Would that hurt you if you lost them as a friend? #3 - Is it fair for all? - Is what you're saying fair? Or is it fair that you're saying something without that person knowing? #4 - Am I proud about it? - Would I be proud to say such things? Would I be proud if someone said that about me?

How different our lives would have been if this applied to Jesus!!

Yeah, I think it's not, is it alright, but is it absolutely necessary to share that information with someone else? Are you trying to help that person, or is it just a subject filler in your conversation?

To me, gossip takes on a negataive connoation. Usually one person is trying to benefit from gossiping about another, especially if they are insecure and lack a self-esteem. Then, by revealing humilating facts about another, they experience a temporary rise in esteem. Gossip isn't usually based on facts, however, and many times, the truth is exaggerated and/or false. So, if you are only sharing facts about another and not expecting to benefit by sharing such facts, then I wouldn't consider it gossip. I say, whatever you would say to someone about someone else that you would feel comfortable saying if that person was with you (or if that person would be comfortable with you sharing with others) isn't gossip. What you wouldn't feel comfortable saying in front of that person, however, is. It just came to mind, however, but what about the people who give interventions for those with addictions? I mean, you're worried about that certain person, and in order to help them, you must share humiliating facts about their personal life to others so that they may join you to intervene (or at least, to get advice on how to help them). Would that still be considered gossip, or is that different?

Very interesting and informing article that you present, it's true that many in the church are culturally insensitive to those who are different, but the question is, how may we represent all cultures in church so that everyone feels welcomed? There are not only African Americans going to our ward, (yes, the woman exaggerated when she noted that she was the ONLY African American to go to our church), but there are other cultures and races as well. How may we better represent them, also? Incorporating familiar hymns, as suggested by your article, I would think would be a wonderful idea. However, I would have to disagree with your last statement. The church does not go out of its way to only help white members, but we focus our attention to those in need. If they happen to be white, hispanic, asian, ect, so be it. As I say, although there is a majority of white members in our ward, that does not fully demonstrate the diversity of members we have nor how many among minorities that are currently receiving help from other members. How would you be able to tell that the minorities get less help than the majority? You can't, but shouldn't those in need should be met foremost with care, no matter what their race? I've never attended a church that shuns anyone different from them, (except one ward we attended whose afluent members shunned those who were a lower class than they were.) In fact, there is always a family that will rush to the side of someone who needs their assistance. The fact is that this woman has not been shunned, she has been welcomed with loving arms and friendship throughout the ward. She had been offered positions in Relief Society and often gave opening or closing prayers at gospel studies and in relief society meetings. Someone was always offering her a ride, taking her to get groceries, or picking her up whenever she needed (I know because she testified about her gratefulness to the ward for doing these things for her.) So it is no question that people were going out of their way to help her.

For you to question what I have or have not done in this situation is quite offensive. You, as well as I to this woman, have no background on my/her life, nor how busy we may be with family, school, whatever. Furthermore, SHE is the one who said the reason she has been battling coming to church is because she feels uncomfortable in a white ward, SHE is the one who is pointing to racial conflict. So, please be objective when you start to make assumptions, as with most other people on this board. I'm sure most of you are having some sort of difficulty in your life that you can relate to this woman's, and it is obvious most of you have had more education than I have, but your over-analyzation of this subject is quite irking. I'm just trying to help this woman possibly come back and feel more comfortable in this ward. I do not need to explain to you who I am, why I have not "acted upon my notions," or why I have come to this board for answers. Nor do I need to explain every little sentence you seem to exaggerate to paint me as a bad person. I would be certainly glad for your unbiased offers of help, but I am through with explanations and silly accusations. Thanks.

If you plan on having more children, you might want to reconsider waiting until after your last is born, unless you don't plan on Breast-feeding them. I studied Nursing in high school, and one of the complications of Breast Implants is that it blocks and destroys the mammary glands that are what transports your milk to your child. However, you might want to consider a filler to your bra in the meantime. Costing about $6 at Wal-Mart, its a much cheaper, less painful, and less permanent way to feel more comfortable with your body.

Not exactly. The self-consciousness was temporary as you suggest, but she hasn't attended church since that Sunday, so I'm concerned. Perhaps it has nothing to do with her discomfort, so I can only pray that she is safe and healthy. If she does return however, I think Melissa569 is correct in leaving out her racial disconnection in greeting her back to the ward. That was my very sentiment in that bringing up that subject would seem almost patronizing. Besides, a hug is pretty much a universal heart-to-heart, who could pass one of those up? :)

WingNut, of course I understand everything that you have picked apart from my post. As I have replied earlier, of course you cannot tell someone what they "should" or "should not" feel, and I had no intention in doing so. She is entitled to her own opinions, especially those that have evolved over time through her own unique experiences, but the whole issue is making her comfortable in a non-threatening environment, especially in a religion in which she herself bore a strong testimony in believing. For one, I never said she was left out of the ward, just that she felt out of place because she was a minority. One of the points that I've been trying to make is that most people have been doing as much as they can to make her feel welcome and apart of the group. It is not a situation in which she is isolated from the ward. Objectively, do you not think the ward would be self-conscious about offending her after she thought it was important enough to mention publicly? I'm sorry you didn't understand the context of that quote. "if any of the other families are similar to mine, we do not judge her by the color of her skin nor treat her differently in any form." In the simplest terms, that means that my family (including me) does not judge her or treat her differently.

Thank you Gwen for your understanding, unbiased post! What a wonderful, proactive way to make her feel more connected.

I actually did not "feel" discrimination in high school, I was called a racist name once or twice, but the most discrimination I've ever had afflicted upon me was throughout grade school where kids were physically violent towards me and used emotional abuse. However, I have even been discriminated against by my own race, just for the fact that I am indeed different in that I have bright red hair and pale skin which cannot tan. However, although it is a very serious matter which is intermixed between all races, discrimination is not the issue at hand in this topic. And the fact is that no one wants to "ignore" her feelings, but ignore that she has an issue with the majority of the ward being Caucasian. There is not much we can do to make her feel at ease besides to keep treating her with respect and love that we share with everyone.

Of course, she is entitled to her own opinions of how she should feel. The fact is, however, it is difficult in regards to how she made it a public issue. I am sure she wouldn't appreciate it if 30+ members of our ward repetitively asked her how they could make her feel more apart of the ward, although I'm sure if a few people did that, it would show her that we are concerned for her welfare nad would make her feel more at ease. I'm not sure if ignoring her plight is truly the best way to go, nor being blunt. Perhaps there is middle ground in which the answer lies.

I mention this because no one goes out of their way to treat her differently as if she were another race, so there should be no reason that she would feel out of place. The two usually go hand in hand. If you are treated differently, you feel out of place. I am not racially sensitive, but of course I felt uncomfortable that she brought up the issue in church. Church is not a place where you discuss such topics. I feel the exact same way when people get up and advertise for their business. I grew up in a majorly Hispanic neighborhood, so I know exactly how she feels to be a minority and to feel out of place. However, while I attended school, I was heavily discriminated against. I am not saying her plight is any better or worse, anytime there is any sort of racial factor it is a tough experience to encounter. However, the point I am trying to make is, she should feel free to come and worship as she likes regardless of what other races are attending the church.

One Testimony Sunday late May, a woman in my ward got up and spoke about how although she knew the church was true, she felt racially disconnected because she was one of the only African American women to go to an almost fully Caucasian LDS ward, and told how she has even been battling going to church because she felt out of place. Now, I do not agree with her reasoning in that for one: our ward is very poor and very humble, and, if any of the other families are similar to mine, we do not judge her by the color of her skin nor treat her differently in any form. And two: She is an exceedingly kind, intelligent, and spiritual woman, and should not let her views of her race become an obstacle to her happiness or faith. That being said, she has not been attending church for over a month. I sincerely hope that it is not due to these feelings that she earlier revealed, but if that is indeed the case, how would you approach her to let her know that she should not feel disenfranchised from coming to church and practicing her religion because she happens to be a minority within the particular ward? The fact that she is already racially sensitive places a tricky role in this as I fear that she may become offended if anyone did approach her on the subject, but I feel that someone should give her a heads up that we love and respect her for who she is, without consideration to how light or dark her skin may be. However, on a separate note, I feel that it was inappropriate for her to make use of testimony time to publicly present her issue, and that it would have been more beneficial to her situation if she spoke privately with the Bishop so that he could inspire her that her feelings should not gravitate to race but to her faith, and/or in the case that her feelings stem from being discriminated against by whomever in the church, they could resolve the issue expediently. By presenting her conflicts to the ward, she only made people self-conscious about her issue, and thus uncomfortable and stuck in a position in that we know that she feels different, but there is virtually nothing we can do besides to ignore the fact that she gave such a testimony and pray that she will find the strength to come to the truth that race holds no bounds in religion.