jellybelly

No, I wasn't married. I was sixteen and a non-member in a family that didn't discourage such things. I joined the church at eighteen and besides the slip-up at first, stopped the physical part of the relationship and dated the guy until I was twenty. I am twenty five now. Thank you all for the responses. Some of them were hard to read, but true nonetheless.

I am currently in a relationship with a guy who is everything I have ever looked for in a man. He is a perfect gentleman, served a mission, and is a righteous and faithful person. My problem is this: I don't think I am the kind of girl he wants eternally. My past before I joined the church involves a physical relationship with another man, one that I regret more than anything in my entire life, and one that made me make a mistake in breaking the law of chastity shortly after joining the church. I thought I was going to marry that guy, and my family led me to believe that the law of chastity wasn't that important, and that I would lose him if I didn't. Now that relationship is long gone, and I have found someone that I have grown to love. But he doesn't know. I know how much he values a virtuous woman and I am afraid that he will change his mind about me when he finds out I've been "that way" with another person (for two years out of a four year relationship). Should I tell him? How far into the relationship should I bring it up? I have repented of these things, and I have been told that once I do so, it is between me and the Lord and no one else. But when my boyfriend calls me a virtuous woman, I feel my stomach plummet because I do not feel that way. Any advice?

You are NOT a bad guy! And I don't think any sincere person on here would think that of you. I agree with FunkyTown, as long as you are better than you were before, you are doing great. Maybe not where you want to be, but sometimes you have to take baby steps. If you want to be married in the Temple, maybe it would help to imagine your fiancée and yourself standing outside the temple on your wedding day when you have those tough moments. I'm not sure if you read the scriptures and pray together, but if you are not maybe that would be helpful, too.

I am so sorry to hear about your family - I am a child of divorce and I understand a little about what it is like to see a marriage (especially that of your parents) end. I'm not going to get into the specifics of your pornography problem, but what I will say is this: By recognizing that where you are is NOT where you want to be - that right there is a step in the right direction. Maybe you could find something to do that is productive or takes your mind off of pornography when you want to look at it. Taking a walk, cleaning something, etc. Also, for now, narrow your focus a little bit. It seems daunting to say that you will never look at those images again. For example, instead of saying "I want to have a temple recommend," say "I just have to get through today (or this week) without looking at pornography." it is much easier to be successful if you make smaller goals for yourself to start with. As for Church being boring, I understand you completely. But this is just one more way that Satan tries to get us to turn our backs on the Church. Try reading articles and scriptures on repentance and see how you feel. I was having a hard time in the Church not too long ago, and I promise you that as I got better and better, Church got less and less boring and dull.

My Bishop gave me a copy of 'The Infinite Atonement' by Tad R. Callister, which is amazing, and so very helpful in gaining a proper understanding of the Atonement.

Thank you everyone! I talked to my bishop and am getting things straightened out. I was so afraid, but I know now that I had no reason to be. Because my issues were so long ago (a couple years at least), and I have not taken the sacrament since that time and have been struggling with self-worth and self-forgiveness issues, he has suggested an 'anti-probation,' which I have never heard of before. Basically he wants me to take the sacrament again, become even more active, read a couple of books he suggested, and take on another calling, speaking with him every couple of weeks. :) Speaking with him was very much a blessing.

Thank you Pam and Maya! :)

Unfortunately, I was not able to remain chaste for more than a couple of months after my baptism. My family, even one of them a lifelong member of the church, told me that the law of chastity was not a big deal, and I stupidly believed them. After a time I realized they were wrong but I believed there was no hope for me. I had talked to a Bishop before and it all seemed too easy. I'm not trying to excuse my behavior, but the question I asked originally was always something I wondered about. My mind always seems to go there. It has been a long and slow slide down from being a good church member, and my sins are many. I have been planning on becoming active again and having a long talk with the Bishop. I was wondering whether the repentance thing is something I should mention? I have stopped doing the things I shouldn't have been doing two months ago, and I wanted to make sure I could be successful before I talked to anyone about it.

I had a question or two on the process of repentance before baptism. I was sexually active before my joining the church, and I did not understand the repentance process. I did not repent, which made it so much easier to struggle afterwards. I was not sure whether my not repenting before baptism even made a difference, I have not found anything about it anywhere. Would love your opinions/knowledge on the subject. Thanks!

My name is Ann, and I have been a member of the church for almost seven years now, not all of it as an active member. It will be great getting to know you :) -Ann from California