I love that you have made this step to know more, it's hard but you are doing what's right by trying. I know from personal experience what you are going through, just know that you can do this. Even when other people might bring you down or try to bring you down. You shouldn't let them, and you shouldn't give in. If you do, you are human and that's okay. It's okay to be human, I think some people get lost on that. Just remember, that Heavenly Father loves you, and loves us with all of our imperfections. He wants us to make it back to him, and he knows that we are going to make mistakes. It's tough, and I think while we are here on this earth it is going to be tough no matter what we do. However, if we trust and ask God with faith that he will help us he will. I know your past has been difficult, and it's hard sometimes not to let it consume you. However, your past is behind you, not infront of you. You have your whole life infront of you, and what you do today is important. Remember that you are a child of God, he loves you with ALL of his heart. I'm sure he wants nothing more than to be with you right now wrapping his arms around you and helping you get through this. Well, guess what he's there, waiting for you to let him do that for you. He may not be there in visual presence but his spirit is. It's hard to give into something that you may not fully trust, but with faith the trust grows and eventually you'll wonder why the doubt ever existed. I read through everything you said so I hope you know that You are an amazing person, God created you and he loves you SOOO much. The more you turn to him the closer you will get to him. Give it a shot, give him a chance to show you the peace, the love, and overwhelming joy you can have in your life. I'm so thankful every day that I've allowed myself to trust in God. It's what has saved me, and is what saves me every day that I breathe. Just remember that you are a good person who makes mistakes like the rest of the world. God forgives, he loves, and will help you get through this... I know he will... You are Strong and can overcome anything, never forget that.
