Perigon

That is not me. But now you have me curious to see what was posted.

Thank you both. I would have enjoyed your company for sure. But really I am nothing special. I will tell you this I must have been surprised to learn what my mission was on earth. I bet I said something along the lines of..."You have got to be joking!...Really?" This journey is not one I wish on any one. It is full of heartache and rejection. There have been days and nights where I have been tears over this and thought why me? And you would think it would get easier with the knowledge that this was drug induced, but in some ways just thinking I was crazy all these years was easier. I had to learn to forgive my mother because of her fear this went on for far too long. I know she did the best with what she knew at the time. Before she passed away she told a close family friend her one regret was taking that drug while pregnant with me. I did not learn of this regret until she was gone. It made me sad she felt that way. The fact is she took that drug under doctors orders and it was not her fault. She was not a member of the church but before she died she asked me to have her work done in the temple. I could not personally perform the work for her so I had some one close to me do the work. Hopefully she found peace. Ultimately the question is...why not me? By the way...that drug I am describing was banned a few years after my birth. It was found to be a mutagen endocrine disruptor in the same class as thalidomide which caused severe birth defects and the real sad part is the scientist behind the manufacture of the drug KNEW what it was doing for years but did not care as long as they made money selling it to unsuspecting doctors. Talk about secret combinations...there is one right there for you. It is heartening to see other members out here who are caring and try to see beyond the black and white.

Then if it helped you then it was worth posting. Stay strong. :-)

I used "Transsexual Mormon" in google. I do that from time to time to see if there are others like me. Typically I find embittered people with or with out good reason. The irony is that the members of my ward do not know my personal life experience only the Bishop does. So there is no outward Self Acknowledgment, faith and acceptance to watch that has come from my journey. It is a very private journey. A very sacred one. I once asked why I was not being excommunicated and I was told that it was my attitude and approach that set the tone. When I first met with my church leaders over this I was ready and willing to accept what ever they decided but I was not going to deny my identity. I was at complete peace. Some people think they should barge into a bishops office and demand what ever changes they think should be made and I will tell that person....that is the wrong approach. As far as I am concerned this is an individual spiritual matter and should be handled by the bishops and stake presidents on a personal level. Not an across the board judgement or condemnation of an entire group. That is why I will not reveal certain key things in these postings because I do not want some one else to use my truth as theirs to avoid discipline. If that makes sense. And ultimatly that is why Gender Reassignment surgery does not always = excommunication. I for one do believe there are "transsexuals" out there who have no business being on this journey...for example one person once was asked how long have you felt this way? The trans person was in "her" 40's and she said..."Oh for the last 4 years". That is a HUGE red flag that this is a mental health issue and possibly mid-life crisis. This view is not popular in the trans community and I have personally distanced my self from those groups because it is often caustic toward religious beliefs. On a side note one individual who happened to already be anti-mormon (ex member) found out about me and used my journey as an excuse to hate the church even more. That makes me sad that any one would lose their faith in the church over my situation. I hope those who read this do not feel like he did and start doubting your faith.

Hi every one. I found this thread in a google search and figured I might weigh in on this subject matter. Even though the thread is rather old I thought why not. First of all I am LDS and have been one for a long time. Second of all I am a Male to Female member. Here are my core beliefs. The church or any church for that matter has the right to associate with any one they so choose...or reject who ever they choose. God does not make mistakes. However this is an imperfect world and is part of the test. Nature by design is not perfect and nor is man. In todays world there are all kinds of chemicals and drugs and other hormones in the environment. Both natural and man made. My condition was the result of a man made drug. It was something given to my mother during the pregnancy that caused this to happen. I will not give the drugs name for privacy reasons that some of you may not understand but I have my reasons. However I can tell you this it caused what is called Androgen Insensitivity Syndrome. In other words I was not masculinizing normally. My journey in this life is certainly a trial. My mother knew from a very early age that there was something terribly wrong with my gender expression and tried every thing in her power to convince me to be more male like. From personal threats to condemnation from God above and even excommunication from the church. It forced me into her desired role. Un-happiness ensued and some life altering mistakes were made as a result. When she finally came clean with what was really going on later in my life things started to make sense. I even came out to the church at one point. First speaking to my new Bishop and he scratched his head and deferred me to the stake presidency. I met with him for a year. In that entire time I did not experience any of the prophetic condemnation my mother told me would happen. In fact I was met with love and concern for my well being. Now I am not inclined to reveal what or if I hold callings or what I was allowed to do in church. But suffice it to say that these situations are handled in very individual ways. I had 3 bishops who knew my situation and of the 3 only one was perplexed. The other two were accepting and the stake president became like a Dad to me. My feeling is this, the church is aware that cases like mine exist. But they are performing a balancing act. The general membership is not ready to accept some like me with open arms. Had this occurred in an old ward where every one thought of me as an effeminate male before, I can guarantee there would have been a problem. The bishop in that case may have had to dismiss me or excommunicate me for the greater good. I would not want to be the bishop having to deal with the sisters of the church knocking down my door. As you can probably gather I look and sound female. There is nothing garish about my appearance and if any of you encountered me at church not a single one of you would know the difference. For me, this purely a matter of identity and I am square with heavenly father and if asked temple questions today I would be able to affirm yes that I am in good standing. Now, am I allowed to go to the temple? The answer is no. I feel that this is a way to keep the church safe because what if some one found out and made a fiasco out of it? One day I will be able to go to the temple. I was affirmed of that in a blessing...but not now. And some thing else was told to me in a blessing that I hold close to my heart and has helped me on this journey. Being like this sure has given me a unique way of observing life. The Lord has different plans for me.