adeline

Thank you mirancs8!

Thank you for your reply. Your response hit home the most and AH_HA this is the moment so Thank YOU! Everything you wrote is exactly what I am feeling and going through and makes sense! My body is wearing out so basically ENUF! You are right, I am worried about security and you hit it right on the nose. He made me feel like crap; it allowed it. I almost deleted this post, feeling shame and some made me feel like i didn't belong here. I'm glad I waited til your answer. That's the one I needed. :)

Hi there, I am in the same boat but reversed--I am the woman. My husband whose pretty close now to becoming my ex in a couple of months has been showing the same signs. I was suffering and still am from depression. I pushed him away, and showed no affection toward him then I got some pro therapy and take medication. He went into the arms of a co-worker and now addicted to porn. I pray for strength daily. So, my suggestion is that I now crave affection, romance, and attention which he was good when we started out and then after say three years everything went downhill. In this relatinship for over 15 years now. I think it's time to throw in my towel though. Mentally exhausted--trying to do things i enjoy, but just wanting the giddiness and feeling like i'm in Love never felt that before.

What is LOVE? Giddy, giggly, knees turn to jelly - is this love? Enjoying the same movies, enjoying the same activities - is this love? Romantic moments, talking for hours on end - is this love? Thinking about him/her all the time, can't live without him/her - is this love? Having great sex - is this love? so is the above description of LOVE?

thank you for your input i appreciate your comments and will try to practice them

ok i will try ram

hi anatess, your words have soothed me a little now; u must be a messenger from God--hard to read that is what Jesus did when they were actually doing that to him, but then again, he got me this far--i had thoughts of leaving but that's not the plan it would not appease him. So, I will try to do that as it makes sense that he is winning. Actually we all are suffering; my daughter, my soon to be ex, i can tell too that he is somewhat regretful when I make those metaphors in conversation at dinner table. I will try and pray daily and give him praise and ask for strength. Thanks you for your comments everyone thusfar...Have a good day!

yes, i have tried it for a year and half; i still cant live with the knowledge of what he had done it will forever haunt me if i stay in this relationship; it's like burying crap, every now and then the wind blows and it comes back to surface. same thing. Yes I did try to forgive and forget, it's actually easier said then done until you are in these shoes, you try it and let me know if you can ever trust someone who stabbed you in the back, a traitor in your midst, unbelievable, still can't seem to phathom it. It's unforgivable, totally destroyed the family.

ok it's a different perspective not a supportive one but it could be it too

Yes that seems like a good reply to why he won't say sorry, however, it's just me. I need to hear him acknowledge what he did and show some remorse and that he is capable of such disrespect then i can have i guess closure. But, sigh, it's been very hard to manage all these emotions, feelings, anger, pain, etc.--it's been the most undescribable feeling not a good one. What I don't understand is why I couldn't believe it when it was happening? All I did was protect him, worried about him losing his job, I kept quiet in Court for fear of him losing his job and all I want now is for him to lose his job--I'm all over the place with whether to serve him with papers at work, an eye for eye sort of feelings--I know to leave it to the Lord but man is it ever so hard! Yes probably self-esteem issues too; my mom went through the same thing with my dad she was pretty dpressed too

I guess what I'm looking for is what to do now? since he hasn't come clean, and I can't seem to heal without his admittance even though he failed a lie detector test and blamed the man who gave him the test he actually called him up and said it was the guys fault! but then again, I hear those tests aren't too reliable either. I've talked to counsel and of course, it's 'forgive' pray for him etc. but to me, this is unforgivable so that's where I'm torn. I know my daughter and child will suffer in the long run that's my thinking so I'm back to square one...again. Maybe someone here can give me an 'ah ha' moment! Thanks!

i had a recording device placed in his car and he was talking to "her" about me and he was talking horrible things about me and that he said 'nobody knows about us'--he called her 'baby' and then it went to work conversation. I had alot of calls that hung up on me and it got traced to her cause I called it. I kept going in my head he can't be doing something so evil or horrible to me. It's slowly sinking in after the way he acted after i caught him with the porno; he tried to deflect blame and said don't mention this again--same thing with this mistress incident; i'm not suppose to mention it if he stays with me. I stayed for my daughter's sake so we'd have a shelter and food, but at what cost? my dignity, self-esteem is beaten to the core. I'm in pieces. Yet, I'm still stuck for some reason. I think I'm mentally handicapped and he took advantage of that. Btw, thanks for your input thus far. Either way I do believe in God, which confuses me as well because he says let the lord handle what's coming to him, however, I want to return the favor to him which is to serve him papers at work.

Hi everyone, I have a sad story but a true one; i've been dealing with my husbands infidelity and he outright denies it; it's been a devastating 3 years of my life! I put so much time and effort into this marriage over two decades. We have a grown daughter who got pregnant while I was trying to defend myself in court that the mistress had filed an Order against me for calling her one time at work and told her 'do you know he's married'? i have evidences of him talking to her they both work together. I groomed him from a blue colar worker to an office worker. I am peeved at this betrayal. It's been so sickening and i take medz so i can sleep, and try to function. I have been suffering depression as well. I go to professional counseling. I don't trust him anymore and recently he started looking at porn and killed the computer with a virus and blamed me for looking at penises. He was so pissed that he actually took the computer and I had no computer. I can't seem to heal if he doesn't admit it. He said 'go heal yourself'--he had been abusing me emotionally and just realized it after therapy. He's very mean now to me and keeps finances paperless and when I asked to see them he says no. He withholds intimacy and money from me. I feel so helpless at times. Oh and he's been gaslighting me too; misplacing my things and then when i ask if anyone seen it it comes back--he keeps calling me crazy. I pray to God everyday to give me strength to make it to the next day. I don't even recognize this man he can't even look me in the eye alot of the times. Any information would be a beneift to me. Thank you and God bless!