myalternate

If I could confess to my bishop and not tell my spouse I would do it today. I don't think that is going to be how this all plays out unfortunatly. How do I tell her I can't go to the Temple or that I can't take the sacrament? I am so worried about what the fallout of my confession will do to my family. Not that I want to get away with anything. I wouldn't be having this conversation in the first place if I wanted to get away with it. I have already done that. It is exactly as you stated above. It just doesn't make sense to do more harm to those who are innocent in order to punish me. What I did was very wrong. I am remorsful and want to repent. I want to appologize to my spouse for commiting a sin that jepordized our eternal family that is it. I don't see where telling her exactly what it was I did will make things any more right. Thank you for your thoughts.

Thank you. I think my wife will ask me some of those questions. I just don't think I will be doing her a favor by telling her the details. I am trying hard not to dwell on them myself as I am disgusted with my actions. I am hoping the bishop will back me up on this.

I am not intending on lying when I choose to confess. I want to tell the truth but I want to understand what role the details play in a confession such as this. I don't see where it would be good for anyone to know that. That I did it and I confess is all that should matter in my opinion.

It is not that I feel hopeless. If I say I have hope and I feel like I am a good person who made a mistake, there are ten of you out there to tell me otherwise. If I say I am no good and I deserve to be punished there are more who tell me that is satan talking. So which would you have me be?

So if I repent this is what I get to look forward to? I know I deserve to be punished. But punish me and not the kids.

I guess that is part of what I am struggling with. If I tell I lose my family in this life and the next. If I don't God will take care of them and I am lost.

Maybe that is what I deserve?

Agreed. My kids are already teenage and nearing teenage. I want to confess. I am already suffering from the burden I carry. But I should suffer for what I did. I am just trying to do the least harm now that I made a mistake. Sounds bad I know but I think that is what everyone would be asking themselves in my situation. It takes faith to do hard things. If I had had more faith perhaps I wouldn't be in this spot. But now that I am and my faith and hope are weak, it makes it even more difficult to feel God's love for me.

I was a good man. Not anymore apparently.

I wasn't named. She was asked but didn't tell. She has been through her disciplinary counsel and recieved her punishment.

Does anyone know how detailed my confession has to be to my wife?

I appreciate the comments. This is why I came here is to get advice. I wish I could talk to my bishop but I can't without starting some balls rolling. To address rameumptom's advice and comments. How would you have me classify myself? As a bad person? Obviously I am not fully repentant since I have not confessed to anyone. Obviously what I have done is terrible. I guess any of what may appear on the surface as good attributes come into question if I am living a lie. Am I to give into that belief that I am bad as Satan would have me do? Or do I hold out hope that God still loves me and that I only made a mistake that can be covered by the atonement? I want to believe the later. So when I say I am not a bad person I mean it only to describe myself in a broad manner. I have been a faithful member of the church all my life. Served a mission. Married in the temple. Full tithe payer. Hard working bread winner. My children are happy and well cared for. My Wife is able to be a stay at home Mom becuase of my hard work. I don't have a criminal record. I don't beat anyone. I go to my kids school programs and sports activities. I read with my kids. I help with household chores. I can fix cars, homes, computers. I read the scriptures. I pray. I keep the word of wisdom. I hold callings and serve faithfully. I MADE A HUGE MISTAKE! According to the church all that was good in me is now in question and means nothing unless I REPENT which means confession. How can I do this? Everything will change. The woman I was unfaithful with has confessed to her bishop. She has done this before with another man so this is the second time she has confessed. She is being disfellowshipped for a year. She has no kids and her husband has had issues of his own so she never worried about losing anyone. I am afraid they won't treat me so kind. Since I am a preisthood holder. Even though I have never done anything like this before. My wife has never done anything wrong so this would rock her world. She has already told me she would leave if I was unfaithful. So I do know what she will do. I know it sounds trite to say I don't want to hurt anyone when I have already done so. My wife and I have had our problems. But my kids are complete innocent victims. I just don't know what to do.

I have been guilty of adultery. I want to repent. But if I tell my bishop and my wife she will leave me and I will lose my children who are very young. I know I can't expect to get much sympathy. I am a good person who just made a bad mistake. I can't see how my kids can benifit from my coming forward right now. So I have a choice. Never do it again and do all I can to repent except confess my sins at a much later date. And in doing so keep my family intact. Or confess my sins now and have my wife leave me and take the kids with her. What is best for the kids? I am not a bad person. I make enough to provide for my family and my children are all very smart and doing well. If I come clean now this will ruin things for them. WIthout repentance I have lost them for eternity. With repentance I lose them for eternity. I don't believe it is possible to confess my sin to a bishop and have it not turn out bad. What would jesus want to have me do?