myalternate

I promise this is the last comment I am making on this thread. The point that I am arguing is in regard to the original question "Can anyone tell me exactly what may be in store for me punishment wise"? IF he has a council HE will be the focus of all discussion not part of the council deciding his fate. I am only saying if you have never been on the other side of the table you can not relate to what that person will be going through. Period. You were part of the council with nothing at stake. But you telling this person it was a sprititual experience is as unrelated as me telling him I had a spiritual experience blessing the sacrament when I was 17. Good for the both of us. But neither of those experiences relate to what this person will likely experience. In an attempt at empathy you said you can relate but you can't. Just like I cannot relate to the experience you had because I have never been involved in a diciplinary council other than my own.

Well said. Maybe becuase it is still so fresh on my mind that I am a bit sensative to remarks made however well intended. And that is why I commented at all on the subject. I am not offended. Just suggesting that maybe it is not the same experience one might expect being on the other side of the table. Chathartic is a good description of how it was for me. I don't expect people to be perfect with the way they express themselves. Just to be careful. He was describing it from his point of view and I described it from mine. I believe that the repentant soul might relate more to my experince than the other. The original question was about what could he expect, not what was your experience with attending a disciplinary council? Thanks for your reply.

Cwilli24, I asked this question on this forum a few years ago. Be careful because some of these people can be very very harse. Don't listen to most of them. That said, it was here that I found hope for my future from some very kind and Christ like individuals. You are doing the right thing by even considering repentance. It is a very personal experience even though others will have to know what you did and will try to help. What I did sounds much worse than you. If you go to your bishop being fully repentant I don't think you will have to go through what I did. It does vary from bishop to bishop I am afraid. I know how you are feeling. I had to build up a whole lot of courage to confess what I did and knowing what to expect helped me do that. Someone who hasn't been through it will have a hard time knowing where your mind and heart are at this time. Have faith and do the right thing and everything will workout.

I didn't say he wasn't allowed to have a spiritual experience. I even said "perhaps it was for him". This thread is about what this person might expect if he confesses his sins. I am just suggesting that it might not be a sprititual experience for who the council is about. It is great that this person had a spritual experience but don't sell it as this is the experience the sinner might expect. My SP did that to me and it wasn't true. It is an important part of the repentance process but not a comfortable one. I imagine it might be a faith promoting spiritual experience for someone to witness a person repent and humble themselves enought to confess their sin to 15 men. Maybe even a wakeup call to some. And then to see that same person come back into full fellowship with the church. What's not to like about that? Does this help you understand where I am coming from?

It bothers me a bit when someone on the otherside of the table says what a spiritual experience it was to be part of a diciplinary council. Perhaps it was for you but having been the object of discussion for such a council I can tell you it was one of the worst experiences of my life. I was disfellowshipped for a year for havning a 3 month adulterous affair with a married woman. I repented and a year later was released from being disfellowshipped. But having to sit in those councils were so emotionally and physically draining and humiliating, I would never say that they were a spiritual experince. Memorable? yes. I don't want to forget because I never want to be there ever again. So.. unless you have been where I have been I would be careful suggesting that it will be a spritiual experience.

I went to the temple for the first time back whe the sessions included more things like references to punishments if you didn't keep your covenants. That was way weird. I thought this is not the same church I grew up in either. You used the term tricked. I felt very similar. I had no preperation for what I went through. Then I got shipped off on a mission to sit and think about that experience for 2 years before I was able to go again. Very foreign. I don't get all warm an fuzzy about going to the temple either. I enjoy doing sealings and being reminded of the covenants I made a t marriage and doing baptisms for the dead. I understand all that. Not sure the endowment and washing and annointings still make much sense to me. I am a man so the garment thing is no big deal. I understand what you are saying about the female garment though. My wife has said the same thing. At least we have options our parents and grand parents didn't.

I'm pretty sure it is too late for your help with this one. Maybe you should go sell your services somewhere else for awhile.

Bottom line. Did she or did she not? You have to decide can I stay with her if she did and can I stay with her if she lied? If the answer is yes to both then you need to do whatever you can to make her want to be with you. You are probably a good person but the only way you will change her and perhaps persuade her to be more honeset is by changing yourself. Also, find ways to serve her more even if you feel she doesn't deserve it. It will break her down and her heart will soften. Let her know that if she falls you will be there and that you are willing to forgive her. I was told recently that trust is not earned but given. You will have to give her your trust even if she betray's it. That is what the Savior does for us time and time again. Good luck. And bless you for trying.

And she can't go back to curch if she stays with him?

Nice. You are right. I knew the answer before I even came to this place. So tell me why you are here if this makes you so weary?

I admit I have come across at times as "begging for mercy". I am sure that Christ would just say "Man up and do the right thing you coward." Obviously you are way beyond where I am. You said it yourself " Seen it done it, got over it." I still don't believe I have tried to manipulate anyone. Do you feel manipulated? You don't sound as though you would let many convince you much of anything. Communication through the written word is very interesting as it often can be interpreted different that what it was intended. I don't need capt'n obvious to point out that my crisis of faith is of my own doing. I can take my strips and I will when that time comes. I can't imagine anyone not feeling like commiting adultery was not that bad or trying to excuse it. The fact is the battle between spirit and the natural man is real. I appreciate your insight from someone who has been through it. I hope none of us chase someone away from this forum who is losing this battle and who's cry's for help are dismissed as manipulative and are told they have no place here.

Thank you for your comments. They are encouraging and I appreciate that.

Thank you for your answer. I thought it only goes to the stake president if you are being excommunicated? I will be coming forward willingly. I am repentant. I have done everything I am supposed to do since forsaking the sin except confess. That is going to be the hardest thing to do and I am scared. The answer to what will happen to me won't change whether I confess or not. I am just preparing myself for what lies ahead. I am not looking for sympathy or someone to tell me what I did was ok. If I were, I wouldn't be coming to any of you that is for sure. I am looking for answers, reassurance and love. All you have to do is read this whole thread and you will see the change that is slowly coming to my heart. I can only hope that none of those in my disciplinary council are as judgemental as some in this forum have been.

It takes a lot of humility and submissiveness to give ones self over to the will of the Lord. Indeed it does.

What are you talking about? Who is the OP? Who am I trying to manipulate? Consider the frame of mind someone in my situtation might be in. Unless you have been where I am you will never know. I am in the middle of the biggest test of faith yet I am at the weakest point I have ever been. When I confess, it will be laying it all on the line for my faith. I have taken the advice of many who have posted to this thread. I have a reason to be here. You might ask yourself what your purpose is in commenting on this forum.

Temple married father of 4 young children. Served mission. Full tithe payer. 100% church attendance. Holds callings. Never had problem like this before, commits adultery. Forsakes the sin. Feels deep remorse and wants to repent fully, so willingly confesses to the bishop and starts the repentance process. What will happen to him? Excomunication Disfellowship Formal disciplinary action Nothing

No. I wouldn't. I would be hurt but I would forgive. But then again, this is coming from someone who is not in a very good position to judge. Thank you.

WOW! Welcome to this thread. You really have a way with words. Did you read beyond the first few posts? You might want to use the quote option so you get what I said right. I wouldn't expect the brother of the prodigal son to understand what I am going through. I posted here because I made a terrible mistake and I have no where to turn to ask these questions. Fortunatly there are a few saints who have responded to my "pity party" that have made a difference in my attitude and way of thinking regarding my current situation. I am not looking to be coddled but to find truth, understanding and to feel the love of my heavenly father through others so that I can have the strength and courage to do the right thing. I suppose church for you is a graveyard of saints where mine is more of a hopspital for sinners.

I reread that conference talk you mentioned. I remeber when that was given. Thank you. I noted that he said "May I suggest a way back? You can begin alone and proceed at your own pace. I invite you to carefully study the Book of Mormon. There are many scriptures that show how others have overcome barriers to repentance." I suppose following this advice will not be seen as procrastination. I have thought of doing this before reading this talk. I want to be repent to the point that when I confess to my wife, she will recognize that I have changed and that all I need is her forgiveness and our marriage can survive.

You are right. The title of this thread is incorrect. My sin will end my marriage. It already has according to the Lord. I am a slow learner apparently. There is very little joy in this life. You may disagree. My experience has been different. I served a mission teaching others the meaning of life when clearly I don't understand it myself. I came into this world alone and I suppose I will leave it the same way. I undenderstand I made a mistake. I understand I am to be punished. I have failed the test so let me go home.

Everything about what I did was selfish. If I were to commit suicide it would be selfish. Selfish that I want to stay with my family. The fact that I am asking for advice is selfish. I agree with what it is you are saying for the most part. I guess some other father figure can raise my kids as well as I can. You are right. If my wife leaves me and takes my kids with them I guess that is what I deserve. Right? Sorting the wheat from the tares and I guess I know what I am now. I can just resign myself to the terrestrial kingdom and deal with it.

Unbelievable until you are faced with making a similar decision?

Thank you. Unlike some who have posted comments to this thread I feel the spirit when I read your message. Thank you. I believe what you say. I want to believe that things will be ok but that is what scares me the most. I came to this forum so that I could talk myself into doing what is right with some help from all of you. I am still weak spiritually and have nowhere to turn for help but anonymous sources like this.

Perhaps you are right about the pride. However I don't worry to much about what others think except my family. I want them to be proud of me and who I am not ashamed. I also truely want to spare my wife and kids further harm but at the same time give them the opourtunity to forgive me. I don't know how both can be accomplished by confessing my sin unless it is only done in very general terms. Thank you for the kind reassuring words. I have felt very alone for a long time. Even before I commited this sin I didn't feel as though I mattered much to the Lord. I have not lost my testimony nor buried my conscience. My faith however is weak. I don't blame anyone but me for my actions but we all know that it is our human frailty to try and understand. I had been suffering from depression and was on medication for that. My wife and I had not been seeing eye to eye and where going to counseling. The company I have worked for 11 years laid off half of their employees and a lot of my friends. I thought I was out of work for 4 months until they changed their mind. It was a perfect storm of conditions and I was weak. When presented with the temptation I gave in without much of a fight. Not only once but multiple times with the same woman. I am different now and get a sick feeling when I think about what it was that I did and how I got there. I never want to feel this way again. Thank you for your prayes. I know he answers them. It has been a while since I have heard from him but I believe he talks with others because I hear your stories. Maybe he will comunicate with me again someday.