dclaw

Interesting, sounds like your Dad just completely broke the confidentiality and trust of everyone in the ward. Conversations with Bishops are supposed to be confidential, except for in your Dads case I guess, where he finds it acceptable to inform you of all the things hes "heard".

I think your ward secretary should be able to get a copy of it. Good luck!

Actually, I would never pay my tithing directly to my ward. Why would you want the Bishop, Secretary, Counselors, etc. to know not only how much you make per year, but also how much you pay in fast offerings, etc. Instead, you should pay it directly to Church headquarters. That way you dont have the whole ward knowing how much money you make.

At this point think I will just end the marriage. I would like to find a nice LDS woman who obeys my orders, doesn't have any friends, completely depends on me, rarely goes outside, does not offer her opinion unless asked, etc. I think a wife obeying her husbands commandments is very important. I'm the head of the household and what I say goes. There is no room for negotiation as I know whats best in every situation. Also, she has gained about 10 pounds since we married, which is totally unacceptable! Thanks for the insight though, I appreciate it!

If your the type of woman that runs away from her husband because he has become "tiresome" then I feel sorry for your husband. You sound like the exact type of woman I would stay away from. We moved to a state where neither of us new anyone, not one person, no family, no one. When she complained that she didnt have friends, I was simply reminding her that there is a RS with about 40 women in it who have been trying to welcome her into the ward, visit her, invite her to activities, movies, lunch etc. I was simply telling her that there ARE people she could become friends with. That should be a comfort, not a negative. Her reply that "those are not my kind of people" is troubling to me. "Those people" are me and my entire family. I COMPLETELY understand that some LDS members are just lame, super extreme, etc., and understand the reluctance to associate with members like that. However, she is referring to Mormons in general. I have spent the last 5 years trying to teach her the basic doctrines of the Church, read the BOM with her, pray together, talk about eternal marriage, etc. She DOES NOT believe in any of it. I STRONGLY believe in eternal progression and marriage, so its VERY difficult and almost non-sensical for me to stay married to someone who does not believe in it, and in fact has opinions to the contrary. She believes that an eternal marriage is non-sense, and does not exist. You actually sound alot like her, I bet you guys would be good friends. So what if you constantly water the grass on your side, fertilize it, try everything you can to make it grow, but it just dies, ravaged with weeds. Do you continue to water that grass your whole temporal life, completely miserable, only hoping that someday, maybe after 50 years, your wife will come around? No, I'd say go find someone who believes in the same things you do. Infidelity is a deal breaker for me, her non-activity in the Church is something I can accept and deal with to a point, but when I realize that she will NEVER be a part of the Church, I have to move on. Keep in mind that my knowledge of her NEVER being active or caring about the gospel is based on her own admission. She firmly states she just doesnt, nor will ever care. YOU may be the type of person who finds this type of marriage acceptable, but Im not. Especially, when there are literally tens of thousands of single LDS women out there looking for a good man like me.

Ok, thanks for the advice, which I will completely disregard. Next time your wife/husband runs off for a weekend getaway by themselves to a city they've never been to before, where the only person they know there is their ex boyfriend/girlfriend, and when they return home you see in their luggage a couple of laced thong see through underwear or condoms, then tell me how much you trust them? Man up? Does manning up mean accept or ignore the very probable fact that your spouse is cheating? I don't think so! I think manning up would be to investigate further and make a decision to either divorce or forgive and move on. For me infidelity is an absolute deal breaker. I could never stay with a woman who has cheated on me. I cam accept and work through just about anything else, but not cheating, that's where I draw the line. It's completely unnacceptable to me

I met her when I was in college, we started dating, she took the discussions, when we got serious she joined the Church knowing that I would not marry a non-member. I then went to medical school and she got her MBA while I was in Med School. The first 10 or so months of the marriage she was very active, then when we moved to the North East for school she completely became inactive. She blamed it on our schedules for school and work, saying that after we graduated she would start going again. Never happened. We moved to North Carolina for my residency and she absolutely hates it here. Today she was complaining how she has no friends here, and I told her that she has an entire Relief Society full of friends. She replied "those are not my type of people and they never will be" This..... Is what I'm dealing with : ( Very sad, but I have faith there is a woman out there with a testimony and love for the gospel, family, and life in general out there for me

One more thing... I know that my Wife will never be active in the Church. I would like a Temple marriage, and to raise my children (when I have them) in the Church. My Wife will never have a testimony, because she simply does not care to. She has never read the Book of Mormon, and has no desire to. She was raised in a foreign country during a time when religion was frowned upon. Therefore, she has a deeply ingrained lack of interest in ANY religion. Is it wrong to divorce someone over the fact that they are not willing to be a part of the Church? Im in my early 30's, and Im concerned about what the dating scene will be like for me, if I decide to divorce. Are there good single adult wards that are for people in their 30's? I only know of the YSA wards. Anyone else here been in my situation. In early 30's, married for 3-5 years, no kids, ended up getting divorced??? What was your experience like? Is it difficult to find other women to date, or is it easy like it is in the YSA wards, where there are TONS of single girls? My point is that I dont want to make the same mistake again. I want to marry a good LDS woman, who has a testimony, loves the gospel, and wants children and a temple marriage. Like I said, Im in my early 30's, I have a good job (Im a Doctor), highly educated, no kids or other baggage, other than my "possibly soon to be ex-wife", and Im reasonably attractive and in good shape. I have a current temple recommend, pay my tithing, attend my meetings, fulfill my callings, and follow the commandments. Its actually kind of pathetic because everyone in my ward feels "sad" for the situation Im in. My friends and parents think that I deserve someone better.

I guess my question really is: What should I do about it???? The bottom line is that I do not trust her now. Would you stay married to a woman who you thought actually cheated on you, or who you thought even COULD be the type of person that would cheat on you?? Im reasonably young (33) and Im not sure if I want to spend the rest of my life with a woman who I dont trust. So if a woman: 1. Goes to a city shes never been to before by herself for the weekend, where the only person she could possibly know out there is an ex boyfriend (non member of the Church) 2. Lies about panties in the luggage she took with her on her trip 3. Admits that she had been talking to this same ex boyfriend last summer when the two of you got in an argument. Would this be grounds enough for you to divorce her? We have only been married 4 years, no kids.

I have been a good husband to her. I have never cheated on her or anything. We have talked about ALL of this, and she completely denies everything. I know is all circumstantial evidence, but it cumulative effect is pretty fishy in my opinion. If she actually cheated on me, I would divorce her in one second flat. I would never tolerate that and would end the marriage immediately. I love her, but not enought to put up with an affair.

I will try to be as brief as possible here. I am not sure how to feel about this situation, and would like others advice on how they would feel if they were in my position. Let me preface this by saying that my wife is a convert, she joined the church before we got married, and she is not really that active. She goes to Sacrament occassionally with me, and sometimes to RS, but otherwise has no interest in religion at all (Not just our religion, but ANY religion) My wife and I got in a couple of arguments over the period of a few days. I said some things that really hurt her feelings, so she was very angry at me. As a result, she decided to take a weekend trip by herself to New York, a state that she has never been to, does not know anyone there, etc. She said the purpose of the trip was to "do something for herself that she has always wanted to do" (i.e., see NYC) and spend a few days away from me to get some space. I personally think that its absolutely weird, and unacceptable for my wife to just take off by herself for a weekend vacation in a giant city she has never been to, especially when the main purpose is just to get some space from me. It would be one thing if she was going to visit family, friends, or going with a group of her girlfriends. I would completely understand that situation, but the fact that she went by herself just wierds me out for some reason. So anyways, I did not really say anything other than "fine, have a nice time, see you when you get back". However, while she was gone the whole thing felt wrong, and I started thinking thoughts such as "maybe she is cheating on me and she is going to NYC to meet some guy she met online or from her past or something". So I just randomly thought about one of her ex boy friends (that she was totally in love with before me) and decided to "Google" him. Well, lo and behold one of his social networking sites that he belongs to was literally the first thing that showed up in the search results, and yep you guessed it, he now lives in NYC!!!! When she returned from NYC I didnt say anything about it, and she didnt really talk about her trip at all. However, when she got back from the airport she was tired so she went straight to bed and kind of just left her suitcase in the bathroom open with all her clothes still in it. I looked down at her suitcase and I saw two "sexy" Victorias Secret type panties in her suitcase. Like I said she is not that active, no temple recommend, we were not married in the temple, she does not wear garments. But she NEVER wears panties like that, she usually just wears regular "cotton" type panties. The ones I saw in her suitcase were lace, thong type panties. Right then my heart sank. Im thinking, she went to NYC by herself, with promiscuous underwear, to visit an ex boyfriend. Well it doesnt take a rocket scientist to figure out that those three things combined make it very suspicious. So, I confronted her about the panties and she claimed she had no idea how the even got in there!!! Ummm OK? right? She also claimed she did not meet up with that guy or anyone else, and has no desire to ever cheat on me or anything like that, but that she just needed time away from me, and wanted to do something fun that she had been wanting to do for a long time. I pressed her on the issue of the ex boyfriend now living in NYC, and she admitted that he had called her last summer a couple of times just to see how she was doing during some hard times she had (We had almost gotten divorced last summer). She said the her ex boyfriend was engaged to one of her old friends, and that after talking to her old friend about how upset she was about our potential divorce that never happened, he called her a couple of times to just lift her spirits. This really bothers me too, I dont think its appropriate for a married woman to be speaking to ex boyfriends. She doesnt see a problem with it and thinks its OK. So how would you feel about all of this if it happened to you? 1. How would you feel about your wife going to a city she has never been to by herself because she is mad at you and wants to get away for a weekend? 2. How would you feel about finding that type of underwear? 3. How would you feel about her ex boyfriend calling her? 4. Do you think the combination of all of the above is obvious evidence that she is not to be trusted, and that something might be going on?

It wasnt about not being able to understand the deeper things because of offending the spirit, the spirit withdrawing from us momentarily, unworthiness, or anything like that. In fact, it was saying that this "barrier" to our deeper understanding of complex doctrines is there for our benefit, not as a punishment. Kind of like the "Veil" type of concept/doctrine. Also, it was not an actual scripture. It was in one of the MANY LDS doctrine books that I have, which is the problem! I have so many I dont remember which one I read it in. The "Type" of book that I know it was in though was something like "Mormon Doctrine", etc. For some reason I had thought it was in "The Writings of the Prophet Joseph Smith", but I could not find it in there either.

Hi Everyone, About a year ago I was reading a book on LDS doctrine and I came across a section where it talked about our mortal minds only being able to comprehend spiritual matters to a certain extent, at which point our minds basically "shut down" and we cant continue to engage in whatever deep train of thought we were in at the time. For the life of me I cant remember specifically where I read it!!! I think that it was a statement by Joseph Smith, but I couldnt find it in his "Personal Writings" or in any of the other Joseph Smith specific books. I then tried looking in some of the other LDS doctrine books I had recently read like "God, Man and the Universe", "Principles of Perfection", "Earth", "Jesus the Christ", etc., etc. All of my searching has been unsuccessful, and I have spent like 3 hours "Googling" and searching various LDS reference sites, apps, "Control F", EVERYTHING! I would GREATLY appreciate any help! FYI: It was not a mere reference, or quick discussion of our minds not being able to comprehend God, like in the King Follet Discourse. It was an actual commentary on how are temporal minds are designed to not be able to analyze spiritual matters beyond a certain point, where at some point we just become "stuck" in our deep thoughts. Think of times when you think about a principle such as "Eternity" and how difficult it truly is to contemplate the concept in very deep, deep thought. Eventually you have an anxiety attack! Thanks in advance for any guidance!