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  1. so I have a question about the law of chastity and have looked around for several weeks now and I cant seem to find an answer to my question anywhere. let me start off by saying that I have never had sex or masturbated before, however a few months ago when I was alone I took actions that I aren't inherently sexual but I knew would cause a sexual response within me. at first I didn't really think much of it because it didn't evolve sex with another person, pornography or masturbation, it was just something I always wanted to try. Anyway as time went on I began to worry that perhaps I did break the law of chastity and just didn't know it at the time. over the past few weeks I have tried to find an answer to my question but no one else seems to have asked this question before. I also have a tendency to worry about things that aren't a big deal and get stressed over nothing. should I confess this to my bishop or am I being paranoid? Please know that I am being serious so please be honest. I'm 19 and single
  2. I have been Relief Society president for 5 months. During that time the Bishop and I have met one time. He does not involve me in welfare issues at all, no meetings, no home assessments. He has released one counselor and the secretary during that time, simply telling me it was going to happen right before it did.l. I have read the handbook and understand that the Bishop oversees all callings and releases. But I prayed and felt inspired to call this secretary knowing very little about her and she has been perfect for the calling. I just barely got her doing all the technology related items, which I cannot do and choose to not to take time to learn to do, that will keep us organized. My newest counselor is still very much in training and now I must find a new secretary and start over. I am older, wiser and more experienced than perhaps many Relief Society presidents. But I am feeling shut out by the Bishop. Perhaps he is focusing on the youth and Primary and thinks Relief Society should just fend for itself? The previous Relief Society president was barely functioning so I have worked very hard to get many parts of Relief Society back up and running, and to establish relationships with sisters, needy and otherwise, as fast as I can. I'm not looking for a pat on the back. I'm looking for information about how this Bishop/Relief Society relationship is supposed to work. I'd rather not "confront" the Bishop and tell him I don't think he is doing his job correctly. When my husband was Bishop he tells me he met with his Relief Society president monthly.
  3. PS this is going to be a long post. This is my first post on this site and boy, I am so grateful that this site exists. I have been reading through some discussions related to my issue and whilst it doesn't give me any answers (only prayer and scripture reading can do that) it does give me slight comfort. I have been in a relationship with my girlfriend for just less than six months. Over the first two months of dating she has mentioned on numerous occasions that she is undecided about serving a mission. Last year she spoke to her then Bishop about serving a mission but due to the lack of communication between them both, it didn't become her priority and then she and I started dating. For context I am a 21 year old international convert studying at BYU. My *girlfriend is 20 years old and has grown up in the church and is also studying at BYU. Obviously I want to be respectful of my *girlfriend when sharing certain details about our relationship, but to summarize, her parental relationship is split. I am the only member of the Church in my family. I have been a member for over two years and she has been a member for all her life. About 4 months into the relationship she had a meeting with someone very involved in her life, and she told me that the result of the meeting would going to determine whether or not she was going to serve a full time mission. I fully expected her to say that she is going to serve a mission and even in the weeks before when she and I were discussing it, I did tell her that I have no intention of dating a return missionary especially since I myself am not a return missionary and by the standard of the church, it ought to be the other way around. I did however advise her to continue praying about it. After her meeting she told me that she is not going to serve a mission, and to be completely honest, I was relieved. I really liked this girl and I felt that she liked me. Both of us have dated the same number of people before we met each other (under 10) and this is our first serious relationship with anybody. I remember telling myself before her meeting that if by any chance she doesn't go on a mission, I will think seriously about marrying her. So fast forward a few months and over time we begin to develop an extremely strong physical attraction to each other and it got pretty bad. After a discussion we had, we both felt that it was appropriate for us to see the Bishop. We both saw her Bishop and even though I didn't know what the outcome of that meeting would entail, I am so grateful that we both saw him together. Later, I saw my own Bishop and we have both learnt that we need written guidelines to help quell our physical attraction to each other. It has been harder and harder of recent and part of me is a little relieved that we mutually broke up two days ago hence the * next to girlfriend; however our break up is another story in and of itself. About a month ago after hanging out with my *girlfriend I was about to leave her apartment until she stopped me and said that the Lord has communicated to her that she should go on a mission. As you might bet, I was distraught as I had already had multiple serious conversations with her about marriage, and apart from the values we both share within the church, there are many other standards that we agree must be upheld to promote a stable family unit. She has convinced me that she understands what it will take for a marriage to be sustained for eternity and I believe I have also convinced her. However, of course, she wanted to go on a mission. After a lot of tears on my end I did not feel like I could break up with her just because she wanted to serve the Lord. It took some pride swallowing but I believed (and still do) that I will never find another girl like this girl and even though my *girlfriend has continually encouraged that while she is serving, I should date other people, part of me wants to test how long I can hold out until she gets back. I have no intention of dating other people whilst she is gone as I do truly believe that both of us have what it takes to raise a family together. Since last week, my *girlfriend has felt extremely conflicted about her mission and has mentioned that she wants to marry and raise children with me. She knows that I absolutely want to marry her and even though I have made that obvious months ago, I have done my best to be supportive of her mission since she mentioned it and I have even mustered the courage to say "I think you should go on a mission" even though I am well aware that she most likely won't come back looking to marry me. Last Sunday we went to church together and afterwards she shared something her mother sent her via text. For context, my *girlfriend's mother has been extremely adamant that her daughter should serve a mission. The mother has served a mission and whilst the mother's life has taken a nasty turn after she married a convert who was above the age range to serve a mission, she is extremely adamant that her daughter should serve a mission and part of my *girlfriend's mother's reasoning appears to be that her daughter will be condemned if she doesn't. Even as a convert I understand this desire for your children, boys or girls, to not only serve but to marry someone who has also served, so when I saw what my *girlfriend's mother sent her, we both discussed it and agreed upon the significance of the words from Spencer W.Kimball which said, "The question is asked: Should every young man fill a mission? And the answer of the Church is yes, and the answer of the Lord is yes. Enlarging this answer we say: Certainly every male member of the Church should fill a mission, like he should pay his tithing, like he should attend his meetings, like he should keep his life clean and free from the ugliness of the world and plan a celestial marriage in the temple of the Lord” (Spencer W. Kimball, “Planning for a Full and Abundant Life”, Ensign, May 1974, 86). So after a long and tearful discussion about this specific speech we both agreed that we did not have any intention to disregard the Lord's commandment and we mutually broke up two days ago. Just writing this to an anonymous forum makes me feel a little apprehensive but I have seen the replies from other posts and I am confident that I will be able to see extremely insightful replies regarding my situation with my *girlfriend. I know of course that I need to keep praying and reading scripture. I have seen my Bishop about this and he gave me great council regarding this dilemma in our relationship.
  4. I'm a male teenager who is struggling with masturbation. I've been reading online and the general consensus is that someone with this problem should talk to their bishop. However, I have some questions and concerns. One thing I'm wondering is how to even set up the interview. Do I have to talk to the ward executive secretary and set up a "confession appointment"? Second, I'm terrified of talking to him. I've had this problem for years. In Boyd K. Packer's "To the Young Men Only" it says, "If one of you seems trapped in that, escape. Go to your father or bishop, please." I've talked to my father, but I still haven't gotten over the problem. I would really like to not encounter the bishop if possible, however, I am willing to if it is necessary for repentance. I'm also scared that he will say I can't perform any priesthood duties or partake of the sacrament. But then everyone in the ward will know! I'd like some advice.
  5. I'm an eighteen year old young woman and in the past got into a habit of masturbation, I've since stopped as I want to be worthy to serve a mission. I know that sins regarding the law of chastity should be taken to the bishop and it's not enough to simply stop committing the sin and pray to be forgiven of it, so I fully intend to go to my bishop about this matter not matter how long ago it occurred. However, as a young woman I feel extremely uncomfortable with the idea of blatantly telling my bishop that I've masturbated, no matter how much I trust him. Plus I feel, although I don't think this is rational, that people are more understanding of young men committing sexual sins and as a woman that it is much worse to have committed this sin. Do I have to explicitly have to tell my bishop that my sin is masturbation, or is it enough to tell him that I broke the law of chastity, but specify that I haven't had sex with anyone? Honestly the only thing that is keeping me from having this conversation with my bishop is the dread of having to explain to him that I masturbated.
  6. I have had a question that has been plagueing me over the last couple of weeks and it pertains to keys and presiding authority that maybe someone can give me some insight. I attended a convert baptism a couple of weeks ago and the Mission President was in attendance at the baptismal service. The Bishop conducted the meeting and stated that he was presiding. Shouldn’t the Mission President been the presiding authority since it was a convert baptism? Handbook 2 is quiet on the matter. Does anyone have any insight on this issue?
  7. Hi, my bishop took away my temple recommend for no valid reason. I will explain what happened, I missed church for 3 weeks because I had work commitments that I couldn't get out of despite my best intentions. Also, a woman at church who is married was texting me because we are friends and I was only texting her back to be nice but apparently I sent her flirtatious messages (I didn't think they were at the time but I sort of see why they may be interpreted that way now). They were the 2 reasons the Bishop gave me to take away my temple recommend. I think he just prefers her husband to me so he is being unfair and spiteful. I am meant to be getting married in 10 weeks at the temple so this is a complete disaster. I made an appointment to see my stake President in a few days, do you think he will be fair? Or will he side with the Bishop? Do you know the general process? Will the stake President have the final say? Do I just need to get him on board or is it more complicated than that ?
  8. Recently I was in a meeting with 10 people including the bishop. Without going into too many details, this meeting right from the start took a different direction than I expected. And then at one point the bishop wanted opinions and advice about something. He specifically called on certain people to give their advice. I raised my hand but was ignored. One time I started talking but was interrupted. I'm trying to not take this personally. I'm feeling like I don't matter and that my bishop doesn't trust me. I have respect for the people that were in the meeting but have replayed how things went and it's frustrating to me. I'm wondering if I should speak to my bishop or just let it go? I have been feeling vulnerable because of other unrelated things in my life and now I feel even worse. Any advice?
  9. So, I was wondering, when would a bishop take away a temple recommend if you stopped going to church? Would he let you know? Or would you just visit the temple and when they scan it, "Oh, I'm sorry, it's not valid anymore. Go talk to your bishop."? What's happening: So, the week before the eclipse in August, I got my second job at the Super 8 hotel! Yay! So for the last month or so, I've been working 65 hours a week. Yahoo! Dollah, dollah bills, ya'll! But my job at the call center had me working one Sunday a month. And now, since all the old school gals at the Super 8 decided to be flakey as all get out lately and got theirselves fired today, my boss wants to make me her assistant and now I have to work Sundays, 9-1 there. Yaaayyyy.... And today, I changed my schedule at the call center because I need a day off sometime and Saturdays, the only shifts available are 8 hour shifts and I have to either work every Sunday OR work every Saturday and just one Sunday a month. ...So I chose Sunday. 3-8 because I work at the Super 8 9-2 basically every single day. My sacrament meeting starts at 1:30. Because of these shifting things going on, my attendance has been spotty. I went 2 weeks ago but then this last week was my "one Sunday" for the call center and so I went to a different ward, earlier in the day. But then I'm thinking, "My bishop probably doesn't know that." And I wasn't able to get done at Super 8 until too late today because of all"position changes" happening. My cousin gets married in the Idaho Falls temple October 7th and I'd really like to be able to go. I'm going to try to keep going, since my church building is actually positioned between my two jobs, I could make it for the hour for sacrament meeting. But it's a YSA ward in a college town and you have to schedule a meeting with the bishop in order to just sit down and talk with him. I was just wondering because he hasn't known me for longer than 2 months and I'm scared he'll think I'm inactive...because temporarily, I have been as I've been trying to sort juggling all the things. I just wanted to know how this sort of thing works, even though I know the most likely answer is that it is based on individual circumstances and the revelation he receives on how to deal with my specific circumstances. And yes, in b4 "talk to your bishop!"
  10. I had a problem with pornography which I confessed and talked about with my bishop but now I've fallen back into that again. He said that If I did do it again that I should just start over and not give up but, does that mean that I confess to him again. Thank you, any thoughts or suggestions would be appreciated.
  11. I'm a convert to the church and got endowed just over 2 months ago. The temple and the covenants I made there are super important to me, I live really close to two temples and go do at least one session every week. Since my endowment I have felt the temptations I face deminish and I feel like I can endure so much more. However, recently I did slip and give way to temptation and broke the law of chastity (alone). I felt guilt immediately and have prayed for forgiveness and strength. I NEVER want to feel this low again, my resolve has strengthened and am confident that I will not succumb to this temptation again. Is this something that I need to talk to my bishop about if it is an isolated event? How do I approach this topic with my bishop if I do need to talk to him?
  12. I'm a convert to the church and got endowed just over 2 months ago. The temple and the covenants I made there are super important to me, I live really close to two temples and go do at least one session every week. Since my endowment I have felt the temptations I face deminish and I feel like I can endure so much more. However, recently I did slip and give way to temptation and broke the law of chastity (alone). I felt guilt immediately and have prayed for forgiveness and strength. I NEVER want to feel this low again, my resolve has strengthened and am confident that I will not succumb to this temptation again. Is this something that I need to talk to my bishop about if it is an isolated event? How do I approach this topic with my bishop if I do need to talk to him?
  13. Hello everyone, I have been extremely discouraged lately about my inability to get a temple recommend. Every time I get close, I shoot myself in the foot and ruin everything. I haven't held a temple recommend since I was 12, it's been 10 years. I work so hard to try to improve, but it feels like I'm spinning in a hamster wheel. I am engaged to a wonderful Mormon girl. We are both active in the church, and have been dating for 21 months. If I had a temple recommend, we would already be married. Unfortunately, I've been working through a 11 year porn addiction, which started at age 12. Through all the ups and downs, I've never given up. I recently have been getting closer and closer to a temple recommend. I've been "clean" for 2 months, which has been difficult and miserable, my withdrawals feel like torture. So being 2 months clean felt great, then I goofed up again. My fiancé and I got handsy, and engaged in in appropriate touching. Between my being clean for 2 months, the resulting withdrawals and cravingsfrom this insane addiction, and two sex-starved young adults, we just had one night where we were both very weak. Its important to note: we did not have sex. We did not touch front genitals. We engaged in other inappropriate touching (petting). Im terrified. Completely terrified. How will our bishop react? Ive been "clean" from my addiction for 2 months, and bishop wanted me clean 6 months. Will this recent petting transgression between my fiancé and I put us back at square one? Or can I hold my head high and continue to say, "I've been clean for over 2 months" and we will simply keep plugging along and trying to better ourselves? Just very worried this will delay our marriage plans even further. It's an awful feeling. Obviously we both regret what we did, and wouldn't do it again if we could go back and fix the mistake. Please, no judgemental comments. I've worked my butt off to fight off this addiction. Countless men inside the church struggle with it. We have been dating for 21 months. We broke down ONE night and engaged in petting. Don't judge. Most relationships in society have sex and sexual touching on the first date or within the first week of dating. We went 21 months without any of that, and still haven't had sex. We are active members of the church, and truly our trying our best to improve ourselves and stay strong together. Both of us feel a lot of pressure right now. Everyone keeps asking us when the wedding date is. It's my fault we haven't set one yet. This entire situation has already been extremely painful for me, and now this feels like another brick on the shoulders. I want a temple recommend, and I desperately want to marry THIS girl in the temple. I love her so much, we are the best of friends. That was a lot of talking and explaining. Ultimately my biggest question boils down to: Can I repent and get a temple recommend within the 2016 calendar year, between now and December 31st? Gosh I hope like crazy this process doesn't take longer than that. Since everyone is expecting us to set a wedding date soon, I would hate for us to get dragged through the mud and still not be married when 2017 comes around. Helpful comments and advice only, no judging. Thank you! GoldenOrange
  14. I was just recently disfellowshipped and everyone, including my Bishop, does not know the answer to this question. Does being disfellowshipped preclude you from future callings after all blessings have been restored? I heard a story once of a man that was called to be a bishop but could not serve because he had a history of being disfellowshipped. Not sure if it is true or not.
  15. Link to a Mormon Bishop's Guidebook - Click HERE [Over 50 pages of material] Simple tips, written by a recently released Bishop. One man's attempt to help those who lead. From the first page: "Early in my calling I found myself wishing the church had a handbook, or guide, just for Bishop’s. Yes, the church has handbooks, and Handbook 1 is for Stake Presidents and Bishop’s. However, they are designed for a broad worldwide church, designed to help a Bishop in Cape Town, South Africa as well as one in Anchorage, Alaska. I was looking for more down to earth, rubber meets the road guidance. I believe I could have been much more effective if I didn’t have to walk the ‘school of hard knocks’ that first year. A little help would have gone a long way. I get it, you need to experience many things yourself. Just a little help though, up front, would have made me more effective and helped me be a better minister early in my service." This was written to help other leaders who could use a little extra guidance during those early months. I've heard from Bishops and Stake Presidents all over the world thanking me for the information. If there's anything you think that should be added, please let me know. Enjoy!
  16. I just finished reading a dialogue on another Mormon discussion board about what disqualifies a person to be a Bishop. One reader mentioned a situation where it became known (wrongly or rightly) that a good Brother in the ward who was well liked and faithful had his name submitted to the First Presidency and it was not approved. When a friend told the good brother about the matter, he indicated that he didn't know anything about it but that the Stake President had recently become far less cordial towards him. When I served as a Stake Executive Secretary we did not have any rejections, even for fairly marginal candidates in difficult units. But I have often wondered "Why the secrecy on the matter?" If someone has their name submitted to the First Presidency and it is not approved why not tell them? And if they are deemed inadequate or unworthy to serve as a Bishop why not tell them the reasons so they can address the matter or at least put their mind at ease as to whether they will ever be called? I've served in a Bishopric, on a High Council, as an EQP and HPGL, in a Stake Mission Presidency, as an Executive Secretary to a Stake Presidency, as Scout Master multiple times, as YMP, Seminary Teacher, Temple worker, Baptistry leader etc., I don't know if my name was ever submitted for Bishop, but I have never been called. Nevertheless, I think most people like me could handle knowing what limits them from serving as a Bishop if they were rejected. If there's no specific reason, just a spiritual prompting, tell them. If there's a nasty note from a mission president in their file, tell them. Who's pride and what charade is protected by not telling them? A simple email/letter from the First Presidency would suffice: "Dear Brother Smith, your name was recently submitted as a candidate for Bishop in the Cookie Cutter Ward by President Grant. We congratulate you on your worthiness to be submitted for consideration for this Holy calling. However, we note that you received church discipline in 2003 and have chosen not to approve your name at this time. As you remain faithful this limitation may be removed in the future. We pray that you will support the new Bishop in your ward with full fellowship and sustain us in this difficult decision. Sincerely, The First Presidency." Because people are imperfect some good Brothers have and always will find out that their name was submitted and rejected. It is not hard to see how evasive Stake Presidents become when a name is not approved and people find out. Since Stake Presidents don't know why a brother is rejected, their minds can begin to imagine the worst of those good brothers and it haunts the rejected brother every day as they constantly wonder why their faithful service renders them inadequate in the Lord's eyes. It makes enduring to the end difficult for those brothers as they can feel that the Brethren they are sustaining, and the rod of iron they are grasping, may not be supporting them. They can feel betrayed by those they are supposed to trust most, leaving them alone and bitter. But all of this could be avoided with simple and full transparency. It's Christ's Church, and He may run it as He wishes, but He allows me to ponder and after years of considering the subject I've come to think that every faithful Priesthood holder deserves the common courtesy of knowing if their name was submitted and an explanation of the result. After all, rejected missionaries are usually told why and the Bishop that is ultimately approved by the First Presidency gets to find out, right? Thoughts?
  17. I've heard a few things in regards to excommunication -- A little background before I ask the question. My mother is an inactive member of the church and my father is not a member of the church. By my own choice, I left on a mission (therefore endowed etc...)I served honorably and loved my mission. I think about it everyday. The thing is, even before my mission, I without a doubt in my mind believed in God -- but had the upmost time with Jesus Christ and his resurrection. I've also had a hard time rapping my mind around the church and their associating with the Theory of Evolution. My father is in full support and loves the church. He has nothing poor to say about it -- but he introduced me to the idea of evolution when I was young and he said the Church does agree with it -- mainly because BYU teaches Anthropology at their Universities. But, during my mission (we had daily access to the internet) -- I did research and found high ranking Quorom members basically bastardizing the entire process. I did more study into their Anthropology program and they speak nill of Evolution (hardly mentioned or talked about). As I said, I served an honorable mission and was even placed into an Assistant position by the end -- but I never brought my question to my mission president and his view on evolution. I decided to go to my YSA bishop when I got back and his answer is 'Its just a theory'. Now, the issue I have here is not with the bishops answer -- he is just one man who I know cannot speak for the entire church, but from my in depth research -- the church DOES NOT support evolution. This is not my question though. The first three months I prayed, went to the temple, church, etc -- everything I wanted to do and what I knew to do -- but no answer. I since then decided to distance myself from the Church. I let my Temple recommend expire and started drinking. I did not start drinking till the recommend expired. I did that for a few months -- still when to church alone but I did not let myself take the sacrament because I know of its importance -- But the last two months, I've been to church now twice. I went from consecutively going every Sunday to twice in two months. I also started sleeping with my girlfriend (who is not a member) -- and plan to move in with her. I do not feel like I have an anger or malice towards the church -- I have moved away from the core tenants and teachings of the church. I am worried about excommunication though -- Someone from my ward went to my bishop and blew the situation out of the water (told him I'm planning on leaving the church, girlfriend is trying to get pregnant, and other ridiculous things -- all untrue) My bishop obviously now wants to meet with me. I tried to be respectful from staying out of the temple, not taking the sacrament, and abusing those sacred things -- but could I still face excommunication? I do not feel like I have a relationship or solid testimony of Christ or the Holy Spirit. Any advice or help would be greatly appreciated.
  18. I'm an Aaronic Priesthood holder and I feel very ashamed right now. Just recently I started masturbation for about...a month, but I desperately want to stop and I realize the consequences. I feel that if I really try hard enough my will power will overcome. I have already began praying about it, and a I am committed to never masturbate again. Am i required to confess to my bishop regarding this sin or is masturbation not severe enough if I can handle it myself? -If I confess will I not be allowed to pass the sacrament, home teach, partake of the sacrament, participate in youth activities, prepare the sacrament, etc? -I know that the bishop is supposed to remain confidential about my confessions, but are my parents an exception? I feel that if he told my parents (because of our unique family situation) it would be harder on me than if I resolved my problem on my own or with the help of JUST the bishop (and Heavenly Father of course). In essence, should I try my hardest to fully repent myself and seek forgiveness and never commit this sin again? Or is it required that masturbation is severe enough that I must confess with my bishop? Please help, thank you.
  19. There is a person in my life that is struggling with their sin. I know that through the Atonement of Jesus Christ that He suffered and died for all mankind. The Atonement was needed so that man could return back to our Heavenly Father. (2 Nephi 9:7) I know that we are free to act for ourselves, we have the choice; everlasting death or everlasting life. There are some sins that are truly personal. After reading the New Era Magazine, October 2013 article titled, "Why and What do I need to confess to my bishop?" I am having a hard time understanding the reason why the priesthood is needed in the repentance process. I understand what we must do as children of God. “…consists in believing and accepting and living in harmony with all that the Lord once offered his ancient chosen people. It consists of having faith in the Lord Jesus Christ, of repenting, of being baptized and receiving the gift of the Holy Ghost, and of keeping the commandments of God. It consists of believing in the gospel, joining the Church, and coming into the kingdom.” (A New Witness for the Articles of Faith [1985], 515). I was not raised in any church and converted 18 years ago. During that time I have not been very active from the fear of my lack of knowledge. Just in the past couple of months have I really started to understand. In praying about this situation I have been led here to seek help from other members that may have faced the struggle of repentance of a serious sin.
  20. I am a convert of 5 years. I have tried for 4 years to get a temple recommend. The bishop at the time when I joined the church was going to give me my recommend at the one year mark. Then just as we setup the meeting he was released. The new bishop has said another 6 months for that last 4 years, each time giving a different reason or no reason at all. I have done everything the bishop has asked, and still he refuses to give me one. He told me that it would be on him at judgement, if he let me go not feeling I am ready to understand the sacredness of the temple. This I find odd because if I go to the temple not ready, thats on me. I feel that is between me and Heavenly Father. I can honestly ansewer yes to everyone of the temple recommend questions. I serve diligantly in my calling, attend church regularly, and pay my tithing, teach the gosple in my home, ect. I have felt so torn about this. I have prayed, fasted, and studied the scriptures looking for answers. I want to be sealed to my wife and children. This is the goal I have set and seam to not be able to achive. I feel like I'm hitting my head on a brick wall. My wife said to drive to the temple to go to the grounds just to feel the spirit of the temple. I was prompted to pray many times to pray while at the temple. The feeling was overwhelming that, that was the place I needed to be. So I am trying to do what he said, but feel in that time I will be refused again. Any suggestions? Thank You.
  21. Hello everyone! My first post. I read the rules, so I hope this is all good in here! I have been dating a man for a little over three months. He is simply wonderful in every way. He came from a pretty bad environment, and has a hard past behind him thanks to circumstances caused by his family, yet came out a virtuous, honest, and loving man. He recently joined the church, and we have been attending together since. He's suprised me endlessly with his faith, loyalty, and dedication to both me and to God. After some intense prayer... I've found a strong inclination that this is the man I should marry. We've had a lot of discussion, ranging from our own personal preferences of media, hobby, and lifestyle to how we'd like to raise our kids and more personal matters such as personal relations (I am a born-in-the-church virgin, he is not, but I feel it's very important to discuss one's expectations with their potential spouse in an appropriate way so no one is blind sided by any sexual expecations or lack thereof). We match perfectly, and we get along so very well. So far, we have been doing great. I personally believe we have exceeded expecations thus far for control and respect of each other. He is, in all terms, absolutely perfect and patient with me. I had some issues as a young woman, due to a forced sexual encounter with a man who didn't respect my small sixteen year old self, that led to many years battling pornography and problems with depression and OCD. To this day I am a parasomniac, suffering from vivid nightmares and problems with "fall-asleep-everywhere" syndrome. Cars, floors, everywhere is a sleeping place. Luckily, my sweet boyfriend is respectful and caring when I have my "fits", and quietly holds on to me until I wake up. I couldn't ask for a more patient and loving potential spouse. The problem is, the wait... A year is a long time... it's how long we've got until he can get his endowments. And as someone who suffered from pornography years ago, I KNOW temptation is a strong thing. It's only a matter of time until it starts to try and creep. I've always been told to avoid long engagements for this reason. I also have an issue with the definitions of temple worthiness. I believe the temple is INCREDIBLY serious.... I fear if we wait until he can get his endowments, our minds won't be in the right place. Not that I see us not being worthy (I'm sure with enough incredible force, prayer, and mass fasting we could make it...) but I also don't want to rush. The temple sealing is an incredible commitment that even I as a lifelong member don't fully understand. I often don't feel worthy of such blessings, even though I haven't done anything wrong! I'm also concerned for his health... He is a type 1 diabetic, and I fear that if something happens to him in the next year, I won't be able to be sealed to him in any life... And just the thought breaks my heart... However, civil marriage brings it's own issues... My family, would, FREAK. They have always pushed the temple as the one-and-only, and they aren't wrong to do so. The importance of sealing ordinances and eternal families is BEYOND the importance of mortality. The year between our civil marriage, if we have one, would be a year of my family "rending their clothing" at the idea that I might never ever be sealed to them. While I'm personally not worried about his comittment (as the promise of an eternal loving family is really what caught him on the gospel in the first place), it might cause bitter ties in my family. They may even go so far as to wonder if we broke the laws of chasity. I've tried talking to the bishop... Actually, two bishops! My singles ward bishop is still green, new to the field. He gave rushed, textbook answers, not understanding that I have experienced powerful and spiritual feelings about this situation. I appreciate his love and compassion, but... He just didn't help. My old home ward bishop (the man who helped me through my youth) simply hasn't had a response. I texted him, since he's a bit far from me, and I suppose he just doesn't know what to make of the situation. We are urged not to delay the temple sealing, but some situations are just kinda wonky, like this. He told me he'd circle back when he could, but he is busy and may not know quite what to tell me! We also have some friends at the hobby store we met at who happen to also be LDS, who did the civil marriage and are waiting to be sealed... Everything seems well and good, kinda against everything I grew up being told about how temple marriages are THE ONLY WAY... It's starting to really chew on my poor boyfriend. I want to have this figured out before getting engaged. He is willing to fight for either way, and knows that God will give me the answers I need. But it hurts him to not be engaged, and he's very excited about the gospel and starting a life with me. And I admit, I'm excited too! So, what advice do you all have? A civil marriage would help us focus on the temple as a couple, get us going on our lives (and get him out of his horrible and less then kind parents' house), and also elliminate that long wait period that could cause risk for sexual temptations (as we are very attracted to each other... always have been for the year we've known each other, even before we were dating. We just have control and our respect and love outweight our lusts). But it could traumatize my family, and may spread negativity through my clan. A temple marriage would get us sealed right away, made to spend a wonderful eternity fighting reality and all that it brings together. My family would approve without a doubt. But it may be that doing so could be too rushed, without proper purpose and spirit in mind. It also puts the risk that if he gets very sick from his illness between now and then that we may never make it to that point (I'm not sure how likely or unlikely that situation is currently, and won't know until his next check-up in February. Last Check-up he had some kidney damage....). Not to mention the temptations a year-long engagement brings.... Any thoughts? Anyone here have a civil marriage first? Thanks everyone! Tl;dr. Civil or Temple?
  22. Hi, Here's the rundown on my situation... I am a new convert (about 6 months). I really enjoyed the first bishop I had, but after I got baptized he was released. The new bishop and I don't see eye to eye. I feel that he puts me down in our meetings. I know that they talk about me in bishopric meetings because a close friend is the secretary (which is fine) but he doesn't seem to remember my name. Our ward is pretty small for Utah, only 15 people. I think I am probably being a baby, but these things bother me because I feel that I am not good enough to receive his attention nor for him to make time to talk to me. Normally, I would just let this go and toughen up. But I got engaged in April and am waiting so that I can go through the temple in March. I know that these next six months are going to be hard (the law of chastity is a hard one for me). I want someone who will hold me more accountable and will be by my side more than this bishop. I live in Utah where there are MANY YSA wards. Would it be bad to switch to a different ward until March so that I can set myself up for success (I know it's on my shoulders, but I'd like the support of a bishop)? If so, what is the reason I give the church for me switching wards since my address hasn't changed? Thank you!
  23. Alright, so I've set up an appointment with my Bishop for this Sunday. I need to tell him about my pornography addiction of almost 3 years (I am a teenage girl, by the way, so this is really hard). How do I bring it up once I'm there?? Please help
  24. Hi everyone! I'm in need of some advice. In the past few months I have struggled with a few things concerning morality. My boyfriend and I had done somethings that I know we shouldn't have, and I've been dealing with working up the courage to set up an appointment with my bishop knowing it was something that I needed to meet with him, which I have finally done. We've since broken up and have stopped engaging ourselves in actions of sexual sin but I'm feeling a little anxious about what's going to happen. Up until this point I've never felt the need to confess any of my minor sins to a bishop. I've gone through the repentance process on my own previously but I know this time seeing him will be necessary. Can anyone give me any idea of what to expect? How much detail will I need to tell him? How severe will my disciplinary action be? Any words of advice?
  25. I'm a girl, 18 years old. My first time masturbating I was in 8th grade. It has gradually gotten worse. but i had a boyfriend last year and we messed up and did things we shouldn't and broke up because we couldn't not do stuff when we were together. I repented of those things me and my ex did to the bishop. Also to add the bishop is my father. So once we broke up It was hard not to have urges to want to masturbate. I usually go a few weeks then the temptation arises again. I just want to change. I know I have to repent, but it's my dad I'm telling and how do I tell him I have a problem with masturbating? How would I say it? I know I need the guidance I'm just beyond scared to admit I'm a girl with a problem most girls don't have. I feel disgusted with my self that I've let it go so far. I just need help. So my question is how do I tell my bishop I have a problem with masturbating? What context would I use? Am I the only girl struggling with this?