I have been extremely discouraged lately about my inability to get a temple recommend. Every time I get close, I shoot myself in the foot and ruin everything. I haven't held a temple recommend since I was 12, it's been 10 years. I work so hard to try to improve, but it feels like I'm spinning in a hamster wheel.
I am engaged to a wonderful Mormon girl. We are both active in the church, and have been dating for 21 months. If I had a temple recommend, we would already be married.
Unfortunately, I've been working through a 11 year porn addiction, which started at age 12. Through all the ups and downs, I've never given up. I recently have been getting closer and closer to a temple recommend. I've been "clean" for 2 months, which has been difficult and miserable, my withdrawals feel like torture.
So being 2 months clean felt great, then I goofed up again. My fiancé and I got handsy, and engaged in in appropriate touching. Between my being clean for 2 months, the resulting withdrawals and cravingsfrom this insane addiction, and two sex-starved young adults, we just had one night where we were both very weak.
Its important to note: we did not have sex. We did not touch front genitals. We engaged in other inappropriate touching (petting).
Im terrified. Completely terrified. How will our bishop react? Ive been "clean" from my addiction for 2 months, and bishop wanted me clean 6 months. Will this recent petting transgression between my fiancé and I put us back at square one? Or can I hold my head high and continue to say, "I've been clean for over 2 months" and we will simply keep plugging along and trying to better ourselves?
Just very worried this will delay our marriage plans even further. It's an awful feeling. Obviously we both regret what we did, and wouldn't do it again if we could go back and fix the mistake.
Please, no judgemental comments. I've worked my butt off to fight off this addiction. Countless men inside the church struggle with it.
We have been dating for 21 months. We broke down ONE night and engaged in petting. Don't judge. Most relationships in society have sex and sexual touching on the first date or within the first week of dating. We went 21 months without any of that, and still haven't had sex. We are active members of the church, and truly our trying our best to improve ourselves and stay strong together.
Both of us feel a lot of pressure right now. Everyone keeps asking us when the wedding date is. It's my fault we haven't set one yet. This entire situation has already been extremely painful for me, and now this feels like another brick on the shoulders. I want a temple recommend, and I desperately want to marry THIS girl in the temple. I love her so much, we are the best of friends.
That was a lot of talking and explaining. Ultimately my biggest question boils down to:
Can I repent and get a temple recommend within the 2016 calendar year, between now and December 31st? Gosh I hope like crazy this process doesn't take longer than that.
Since everyone is expecting us to set a wedding date soon, I would hate for us to get dragged through the mud and still not be married when 2017 comes around.
Helpful comments and advice only, no judging.