LatterDSaint

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  1. Thank you for your response. I admit that I am still ignorant to beliefs others have about romantic relationships within the church. Correct me if I'm wrong but I believe you are assuming that I am kissing multiple women at the same time. But even if I am mistaken, I acknowledge your points. "How many girls have you had “kissing sessions” with?" At the risk of judgement, 3 in total Its true that my attitude towards kissing in the past has result in a failure of sorts as it didnt progress to a committed relationship likely because I assumed this person shared the same perspective I had towards it. "Answer: unless you are now married, the answer is zero. You didn’t have a secure relationship with any of those girls." I assume that if I were divorced the same would still be said no? After all marriages, even with everything involved are not necessarily always secure. "You didn’t have a secure relationship with any of those girls" Is the assumption here that I should be considering the relationship to be exclusively boyfriend and girlfriend before kissing happens? Personally I have never seen something like that before and can't even wrap my head around it likely because I personally do not consider someone I am attracted to a friend. I regret the use of "secure" as it appears to be confusing. I was not intending to suggest that the girls I have participated in kissing sessions with were each exclusive relationships. I meant to imply that I would feel more secure about their romantic interest for me through kissing. "the girl involved—or both of you—thought it was serious and committed, and it really wasn’t." It does appear that you are confused through fault of my own for not being clear. "God doesn’t want us to play around with people’s emotions like that just for the sake of a cheap semi-sexual thrill." I do agree with this. Recently I should have done a better job incorporating this.
  2. I have had this conversation with my friend before where he brought up kissing sessions with someone you are interested in dating. This is the second time we have had a long drawn out conversation about it. Unfortunately I fell for his bait when he bought it up the second time and we had another discussion about it. He referenced the strength of youth with regards to passionate kissing and how because kissing can bring up feelings of sexual feelings, I should avoid it like he does. I explained that although it upsets/bothers him we just have different standards to him regarding this and that as long as the girl I am seeing 1. wants to do it 2. we respect each others boundaries 3. doesnt escalate past making out, then I have no problem with kissing and making out with another person. I guess since I have only read the strength of youth handbook earlier this year through him, I should understand why he is so adamant that I should accept his standard. Its true that I enjoy kissing girls but I guess more importantly, it makes me feel more secure about a potentially growing relationship. Can I do without making out with a girl, of course, but I think of the 4 pillars to a Christ centered relationship and the physical is just as important as the spiritual, intellectual and emotional pillars. I didnt necessarily mind the conversation that we had. I enjoy and greatly appreciate talking about all sorts of things with him. I think what bothers me is that I was fine with us disagreeing on it but he wasnt. I think what makes me disregard most of what he says is the fact that I would only seriously consider adopting this standard if the person I am seriously interested in held that same standard, after all I am not homosexual. I think what's also a little strange is that he is interested in the type of women who are the most likely to engage in the same behaviors. This doesn't make him a hypocrite but to me it does seem somewhat dismissive of reality in a way. What are all your thoughts. Like I said, I would likely only adopt this stance if the person im seriously interested in holds the same standard, so im unlikely to be convinced by anyone in the comments. But the discussion is open :)
  3. On a whim I traveled from Reddit to MormonHub just to get a more relative perspective for various topics I was reading about and it appears that this thread I created over half a year ago gained quite a bit of attention. I save my login and passwords for everything so I had no trouble accessing my account again. The replies here are really thought provoking and interesting so much appreciated. As a brief update I did end things with my ex girlfriend. Which was almost 7 months ago. I found the situation to be impossible to move past. I was never going to feel comfortable with any level of friendship she had with the other guy especially considering the circumstances of the proximity they would have. It was the toughest thing I have ever had to do and it took me a long while to do so after a lot of helpful advice from my own friends and family to finally end it. But I thank the Lord I did. I may have been fully committed but my ex unfortunately couldn't be. With everything said and done I am content with life and moving forward with the direction the Lord wants me to go. I still yearn almost to be in another relationship because of the intense happiness that is felt being able to open yourself up to another person in the way I did, but this longing is conditional on being in a relationship where our boundaries are compatible hence why I must take my time and be patient. I pray you are all well and are blessed till the end of days.
  4. I gave my girlfriend a back massage yesterday after I read your post which but at the time I guess I forgot about it since she knocked out 4 hours of study and she deserved the massage, so as I see it, there isnt any resentment lingering from the ordeal getting rehashed again haha LOL I tend to want to get deeper and deeper into topics I discuss with my girlfriend which I think are important and there are times where she is very resistant to go further because she gets mentally worn out before me after a while of our prolonged back and forths hahahaha
  5. This is an amazing analysis of the situation. The detail and analysis based on how I described it blows my mind. I did log on just now cause I havent been here for a while and was curious if any new comments on this thread came up, but mind you I have tried to close/ delete this thread a while back because rehashing it all again could make me resent my girlfriend somewhat because of what happened. I really do like this site so I will share a bit more details on what has happened since. To start off, my girlfriend has absolutely gained back my trust. I trust her more than anyone else second to our Savior Jesus Christ. The fact of the matter is that her "best friend" who I had a conversation with now appears to be her "friend" nowadays perhaps due to his acknowledgement of what my girlfriend means to me after our civil conversation and also perhaps due to a situation that happened recently. Obviously after what had happened things were a little rocky but she recognized the mistake she made that night and I believe my girlfriend when she promised that she wont put me in a position that made me feel the way I did again. Now onto what happened recently. Me and my girlfriend often have dinner together and the girl I went out with once while we were split works near where we eat. My girlfriend and I both passed her and me and this girl waved to each other. Following this, me and my girlfriend were about to head into the dinning hall to eat but I doubled back and firmly asked my girlfriend "Can we say hi to (girl I went out with once)?" and my girlfriend gave a slight nod of approval. Unbeknownst to me, it was extremely awkward for my girlfriend even as my arm was around her while I was talking to (girl I went out with once). After a minute of talking I said bye to this girl and me and my girlfriend sat down to eat. My girlfriend mentioned that she did feel uncomfortable but said that "I can be friends with her" since friendships are valuable to her for reasons I wont discuss here. Later on that day, me and my girlfriend were hanging out and I mentioned how her "bestfriend" reminds me of a guy I am familiar with but not friends with. I mentioned this guy I am familiar with before to my girlfriend and mentioned how I wouldnt want her hanging around that type of person because he is a flirt and doesnt seem interested in a serious relationship which is similar to my girlfriend's friend (who is on her team btw) from my perspective. After my comment, my girlfriend opened up about how what happened earlier had been weighing on her mind, and through discussion between her and I, which led to emotions, I recognized how what I did made her uncomfortable. At the time, I hadn't contacted this girl since I got back together with my girlfriend (about three weeks before), apart from accepting her friend request (at the approval of my gf) and I also want my girlfriend to meet her and I also felt that a wave to this girl wasnt the most respectful act I could have shown hence why I wanted to say hi, but I fully recognize how this was not appropriate with or without my girlfriend being there. I too was very apologetic because my girlfriend helped me understand that I took away from our time to have dinner, to "touch base" with this girl who I was obviously interested in the period before me and my gf got back together. Even through this, my girlfriend made a point where she recognized how her friendship with this guy on her team will always make me slightly uncomfortable and how she experienced a similar type of "betrayal" I must have felt back then, so whilst it was not a premeditated act of revenge by me, I think my girlfriend fully understands the reality of making each other uncomfortable especially when it comes to how we behave around people of the opposite sex where there is some historic connection no matter how innocent or platonic it may appear. Perhaps she and I should make a pact that anytime either of us say the line "he/she is just a friend (who is single)" we should end that friendship immediately lol. Her guy friend is on her team so I am well aware that a friendly relationship between them is inevitable given their emotional (non physical) history, so its something I have gotten used to. I know she loves me and respects our relationship, hence why I love her and trust her.
  6. Hi Gator. I am curious looking back on this thread. If this bestfriend of yours wasnt in a relationship of her own, is it likely that your wife would have a different attitude towards your relationship with her?
  7. At the end of the day, whilst the way she did what she did the other night, I do forgive her and believe that she will make the appropriate amends going forward. We have spoken about everything twice today
  8. Im not playing any mind games lol. Are you saying that me describing the reality of what happened is playing mind games? Look I trust her but Im not an idiot. Whether she realized it or not she did dress in a certain way that day after I left and right when she knew her friend was about to pick her up...
  9. well what do you mean. Are you saying that she was lying about dressing in a way to please her friend? Not quite sure I follow you here...
  10. wow, i think its possible that she did not want to admit that she did dress the way she did for her friend's sake. I mean, who would want to admit that? But if it occurred subconsciously then can I really hold her responsible for that? I guess I ought to if I consider myself a man...