crashdown

Does God send some people to abusive situations (either through birth or marriage) as angels of mercy to break the chain and save future generations?

Regarding the phrase "cross to bear" and abuse, I must respectfully disagree. Abuse is never something that is to be tolerated or endured, as in a "cross to bear." It is evil! Enduring to the end does not mean passively accepting evil. It means to fight against evil, to do everything in our power to stop it. Abuse is evil and must be stopped because it destroys not only the victim but also the abuser. Abuse destroys trust, love, and our relationship with God. It has the potential to destroy a person's eternal life! People who divorce their abusive spouse do so only after going to heroic lengths to save their marriage. And they agonize over it, especially if they have been married and sealed in the temple. Just because an abuse victim chooses to divorce his/her spouse, does not mean they don't take their covenants seriously. They most certainly do! And that is why they have agonized for so long over the thought of divorce. That is the reason they have tried everything they can think of to salvage their marriage. And yes, people change! Abusers are masters of manipulation and deceit. Some say the signs are always there. However, abusers don't wear black hats to identify themselves. They are most likely charming, kind, supportive to everyone else but not to their victim. Quite often, the victim is the only one who sees the abusive side. To the op: There are many good books which can help you. I recommend you read "Confronting Abuse: From An LDS Perspective". It can be found in most libraries and at Deseret Book. Also try reading "Smart Women Know When to Say No" by Kevin Leman. He's not LDS, but the book is very helpful and well written. Neither of these books encourage divorce nor do they insist on staying in an abusive marriage. They give you insight into why your abuser acts the way he does and things you can do to protect yourself. Seek GOOD counseling (not all counseling is created equal!) and read GOOD books on abuse (not all books are created equal either, LDS authors or not) I say all this because I have lived in an abusive marriage for 19 years. My husband is verbally, emotionally, sometimes physically, and sometimes sexually abusive to me. I have tried counseling, talking to my bishop, reading every book on abuse I can find, confiding to family and friends, fasting, prayer, temple attendance, etc. I have taken the advice of many well meaning people and have had the abuse escalate because of it. My immediate family is dead and I am allowed very little contact with my extended family. I have no friends I can trust (they all think he is wonderful). I have nowhere to live except in my car with my children, so I have decided to stay until they get a little older. It is difficult on the best of days, and I keep praying that when I finally leave this marriage it won't be too late. Everything I have said here is knowledge I have gained from my own personal experiences with abuse. I am not a therapist. Just someone who is desperately trying to make the best of a hellish situation.

Webmasterteen, Have you asked Heavenly Father to give you the words and the confidence to answer their questions? He will, you know. Just ask. Also consider this: You may need to make a courageous stand with your friends. You may need to say to them, "I'm not asking you to agree with my beliefs or understand them, or even like them. I AM asking you to respect them." If they won't do this (and this is the really hard part), seek out some different friends who will respect your beliefs. Again, Heavenly Father will give you the words and confidence to do this if you will just ask Him! Please know that your situation is nothing new. We've all encountered this and the advice given is simply what we ourselves have had to do. You are doing the right things....just remember to ask Heavenly Father for help! I am confident He will help you and you will come out of this all right!!!

I haven't read all the posts so I may be a bit late to the party but here's something I don't understand. Why do people insist on calling knowledge/testimony/obedience brainwashing? How can my testimony be brainwashing when I have formulated a hypothesis in my own mind (the church is true). I have done research from various sources (scriptures, other testimonies, people's ideas and opinions, church teaching, prophets, etc.) to find evidence to either support or refute my hypothesis. I have experimented with the research and claims, trying them myself (prayer, actually paying my tithing and expecting blessings, etc.). I have received confirmation, through my research and experimentation that my hypothesis is correct (witness of the Holy Ghost, receiving blessings from paying my tithing, etc). How is this method considered brainwashing when it isn't that different from the scientific method employed by many of the most intelligent scientists around? Also, another person's opinion is just that....an opinion. It is neither right nor wrong. It is just their ideas. To fully accept and endorse someone's ideas (even if it is your parents or church leaders) without fully weighing them or researching and considering other alternatives is just plain foolish to me! So, yes. I heard what my parents and church leaders taught me. But I also put their words to the test. I tried them for myself and gained my own testimony. I am grateful for it and I am grateful for the process involved. It's fine if someone doesn't believe what I do. I will weigh their comments and discern for myself the truth. And I do the same thing at General Conference, on Sunday, and every time I study the scriptures. P.S. I have a dear Atheist friend who helped me do some discerning concerning something my bishop told me. She was a wonderful source of knowledge and she greatly helped me.....and not once did she undermine my testimony or denigrate my beliefs!

Thank you for the ideas! I plan to use them. And yes, I am glad to know the boys are learning how to iron and do laundry.:)

I've griped about this for years! Why does the Elders Quorum have "socials" while the women learn to do "chores?" Why do I need to learn how to cook again? I cook 3 meals a day, 7 days a week, until I die!! Isn't that enough?! How come the Elders Quorun can't learn how to clean out rain gutters or fix the dryer? My basement needs finishing. Couldn't they hold an "enrichment night" for the men and teach them how to hang sheetrock? OK, I'm being a little facetious, but there's some truth to this. We do learn how to do homemaking chores. But........that's part of motherhood. The fact is, mothers cook, clean, do laundry, sew, etc. And we need to learn how to do those things because we are going to be doing them for a very long time. Is it fun? No, no it isn't. And it's no fun to go to work every day either. Tell your leaders you need some balance. I am in my ward YW and I really appreciate feedback from the young women. I want their ideas because I run out of them. Please speak up! Your leaders will greatly appreciate it! BTW, Laurels don't listen to anyone--it's just how they are. As for the Elders Quorum, I'm sure the men get tired of helping people move and setting up chairs. And RS? We had an AWESOME stake RS activity called Guns and Roses. We went through a gun safety course then went trap shooting. Afterwards, we all received roses. IT ROCKED!!!!!!!

Jackol, Sky7, hello! I am a married woman and I struggle with this also. I absolutely HATE it!!! I have tried dealing with it on my own, setting goals, fasting and prayer, scripture study, etc., but to no avail. I have confessed it to my hubby, but he is turned on by it and that doesn't help at all. I have tried making a psychological connection as to why I do it. Is it because I am lonely, emotionally upset, depressed? What am I feeling when I am tempted? Is it a symptom of something else? I don't know, but I have discovered that I am usually tempted when I am emotionally upset or tired. So I try to be extra vigilant during those times, but it doesn't always work. I have also wondered if it is biochemical. I have studied the effects of beta-endorphins on the body and I know that sex raises beta-endorphins. So I have wondered if my body doesn't produce enough beta-endorphins and this is my body's way of getting the needed endorphins. I don't know. I do know for sure that, for me, it is has absolutely nothing to do with sex. It is something else, hence the psychology/biochemical stuff. And Jackol, I do understand your concerns about the temple recommend thing. I haven't dared renew mine since I began having this problem because I don't feel worthy to have one. But I have wondered......could getting a recommend (assuming I could qualify for one) and attending the temple regularly provide the HELP needed to overcome the problem? I am grateful to you, Jackol, for being brave and coming forward about this. You are definitely not alone!! Thank you, Sky7, for the recommendations. I will be checking those out for sure.

Hello all! I am new to this site although I have been lurking here for awhile. Like everyone else, I have some issues and questions. But I'm not ready to post them just yet. (Yup, trust is one of those issues.) So.....I will just lurk for now. :)