strugglinganonymously

LeKook, I would love to share a little about me. I just moved to a new area a few months ago with my husband who is going to school. We are both members. I am 24 and my husband is 28. We don't have any kids, and don't plan to for a while even though we've been married four years. We're from Utah originally, but currently we are in Boston, and there's a different east coast culture out here that I don't fully relate to. At first, people were friendly in the ward, but they have kind of formed their own cliques without me, and I am left kind of a loner at church even though I try to reach out...

Yes, I have thought of the whole service thing, and have completely immersed myself in service. I even won an award in college for completing 500 hours of service. But, I still don't feel I've made any progress. I also find that particular book offensive because I don't think there's a recipe for making friends like it suggests.

The problem is I want to want them.

I don't know why, but I feel like I am incapable of bonding with other women. I have lived several different states, with liberals, conservatives, mormons, nonmormons, career-driven women, stay-at-home moms, and for some reason, I never make any friends. I feel as though I am totally incapable. People are really nice to me in the beginning and reach out to me for a while, but then, a few weeks later they find someone else to hang with, despite my efforts to continue to befriend them. It's like I can't get close to them. Like I don't really have a personality. I'm just there, and I don't know how to change it... maybe I don't really know who I am. Thoughts anyone?

HELP! I am really struggling with this also. I have NO DESIRE at the present time to be a mom, and I really worry that it will never feel like the right time. I know some women say "You'll never feel old enough" etc. but, I really feel like I couldn't possibly have children right now, and I feel like I will NEVER get to that point where I want them. I really worry my biological clock will run out before I really want them. But, I don't want to go ahead and have kids and hope that it works out. I really want to WANT them before I have them... part of me feels like I will look back on life and feel unfulfilled if I don't have them, but the clock is ticking and I still don't want them. It's not like I don't know what children are like and how adorable they can be. I have been married four years now, I have a great husband. I am a full-time nanny and love the kids I work with, I have nieces and nephews that I completely and totally love. So, why don't I want to be a mom? I really don't know. It's a bit depressing, confusing and disconcerting. Help, anyone???