[Poem - unfinished]

You can move forward in one of two ways.

1 - Continue from the end of the last write and progress towards the end; but as you write, your current feelings, mood, family and personal concerns etc., will probably, on a subconscious level, influence your thoughts and inner feelings that could lead you to an ending based on those influences, be it sad or happy. You say you are afraid it might end with a sad note; a writer must never be afraid of how a poem might end; it can create problems for the writer that leads to writer's block or holds the poet back from progressing or completing a poem.

2 - if you ARE concerned about a possible sad ending and want to avoid it, then write the ending NOW, with a happy result, even if it’s just the last two lines or the last stanza, then try to work out/invent a pathway that leads to that happy ending. You current feelings and emotions as outlined in No 1 above will still become an influence in your writing, but as you write, you can have greater control over your subconscious influences based on the conscious ending you have created - if you see what I mean. If the original draft comes out with sad overtones, you can of course take control and change them once you see the results on paper or the computer screen. Write from the heart and then make light changes that suit the poems storyline that leads to the planned ending.

Do you what I do sometimes, I do automatic writing where I simply let the subconscious mind pour out its feelings and thoughts onto paper with no control of what comes out (within he bounds of moral acceptance of course). I can quite quickly fill a full sheet of A4 with what might at first sight appear to be gibberish, but within that page of gibberish you will find little gems here and there that can be untilised within a poem. Let the mind go; be completely free from conscious thought and let the words flow. Write whatever your subconscious tells you to put onto paper.

As an example, while writing this message I suddenly came out with - 'the man gave away his brooch but now regrets it and wanted to find a way to get it back without feeling awkward about it. 'How can I get it back he thought', 'steal it, plead insanity, explain how my heavy debts caused me to act irrationally and beg for the return of the brooch, get the dog to retrieve it, he loves toffees and refused to share it with the cat, the cat was offended so refused to help and told the neighbour'. Re-reading those words, some of it is plain gibberish, but within those few words there could be a gem of an idea, something sensible, logical and even powerful. Whenever I feel stumped, I find automatic writing extremely simulating for generating ideas for poems.

On other occasions, which is an excellent way of helping us become more observant, I simply sit and write down everything I can see, hear and smell around me. The resultant notes then become a useful resource for ideas that can be used in future poems.

I'm sorry I have not gotten back to this. Thank you for these very helpful suggestions. I have never used automatic writing to spur thought or encourage inspiration in writing, at least not deliberately. I can see, though, how it could be very useful.

I also liked the idea of sitting and writing down everything one sees and hears and smells, etc. I tend to naturally take in my surroundings using the senses, being especially aware of them when I'm out in nature, but writing them down would be very helpful, possibly therapeutic too.

I especially liked your example of automatic writing with my poem, the first line you wrote in particular. With having suspected elements of my poem having subconscious meaning where my life is concerned, the moment I read that first line you shared, I felt it almost prophetic and since then it now seems more so.

Anyway, thank you. I think now I might be able to begin to write more of the poem and think I'll be able to give it the ending I want for it, as well. :)

[Poem - unfinished]

That's very interesting, especially not knowing how other poet's stories unfold for them. Maybe I should try writing the ending of this one next, since I just don't want it to end sadly and I've been afraid it might. Then I can figure out what happened in between. I don't know if that will be easier or harder for me, though, since I've only ever written from the beginning onward to the end. Maybe I'll try it. :)

[Poem - unfinished]

I seldom let others see a poem I have not finished, but this one tells enough of a story that I thought I would. Ordinarily I write most of my poems in one sitting, but this one was already quite long and far from finished when I had other things to tend to and had to stop.

Poem - unfinished

Upon a fair day long since past

I wandered down the hill below

And stepping lightly on the path

Beyond where yonder heather grow

I felt the breeze upon my cheek

While breathing deep of sea foam scent

And saw the whales as they breached

Afar off and the waters rent

Then sat I on the dampened shore

With my bare feet thin caked with sand

And spread the grasses by my side

To pick the shells washed up in hand

The gulls above they raised their cries

While hovering on the air aloft

With waves beneath that gently rolled

To wet the sand and smooth it soft

Then off down toward the cliffs abreast

I glimpsed him walking fast apace

His head was bowed low to his chest

A growth of beard upon his face

I wondered of this stranger tall

With cap of gray pulled o're his eyes

Where of he came in tattered clothes

From down the shore neath fairest skies

I watched him pause beside a rock

And then bend slowly to the ground

An object from his pocket brought

Then dug a hole and put it down

And covered where his treasure lay

Then gently stood again to stare

Upon the earth as if to bid

A long farewell to one most fair

The shells I dropped from out my hand

And stood to watch him walk away

Not quickly as he'd come at first

But slowly in the set of day

Watched I until he out of sight

Beyond the jagged rocky crop

In thought I tarried longer yet

With wondering I could not make stop

But light by then was dim with eve

So to my cottage made my way

To wait and see what I might find

Beneath the earth another day

I put me water on to heat

And then my evening supper spread

Of golden cheese and coddled milk

And on my plate laid heavy bread

I supped my fill and then did bathe

To wash the sand from off my skin

Reclined to rest in water warm

Reflecting in the fire coal dim

That night to bed I finally crept

But slumber it did slip from me

With thoughts of he I'd seen that day

Intruding and were scarce to flee

For days that followed life kept pull

Where labors of their burden lay

But thoughts I could not keep without

Of what he planted on that day

And too, of him, where had he gone

When past the cliffs beyond my sight

What place had he come traveling from

There to return by dark of night

But then upon an early morn

When no work called to summon me

I made my way down to the place

Beside the rock along the sea

Wence it had beckoned me for days

But finally there I stood beside

To wonder what was hidden there

Within the ground above the tide

Down to my knees I dropped to kneel

And gently moved the earth away

And there within the hole he'd dug

Found I a small brown pouch did lay

I lifted it and then untied

The cord that held it knotted tight

Reached in my fingers and withdrew

An object wrapped in linen white

And when exposed twas sure mine eyes

Had not before such beauty seen

A brooch of shell that set in gold

Of lace design and costly gleam

Within were found the purest shades

Of blue as that of sea and sky

Atop, by labored carver's skill

In white and holding flowers nigh

Beheld a lady...

That's as far as I got. When a friend read it she said, "Finish it! Finish it! I want to know how it ends!" At the time, though, I wasn't sure I wanted to know the ending, afraid it might end badly.

I don't know what other people see in their mind as they write, but usually for me I begin a poem without having any idea where it will go and only find out as it unfolds before me.

For, example, I did not see the man's face to know what he looks like, other than that he has a growth of beard. I don't know if I will see him again either, to find out. I also have no idea yet what the brooch meant to him or why he buried it.

Because of certain elements to this poem, though, I suspect there may be subconscious meaning to it, so I decided to wait awhile before attempting to finish it.

[Poem: Autumn Crumble Musings]

Thank you. I've had friends say I have a gift or talent and that I should publish, but I wouldn't begin to know how to go about that. Clearly, though, there is much about poetry to be learned that I had no idea of.

I also do not know how to properly punctuate my poetry, having a tendency to place a comma at any slight pause. Because of that I usually remove most or all punctuation before posting, preferring to have none rather than to show all my errors, lol.

[My Dream]

Oh my! That was mournfully beautiful.

[Poem - My Flag]

Thank you :)

[Poem - You]

Thank you. This poem is one of special meaning for me, as is probably obvious.

I wrote my first poem when I was 4 years old, though I could not yet write. But, the poem came to me one night as I was supposed to be sleeping and when it did I had to get up and go tell it to my mother and she wrote it down for me.

I may have written a few little things in grade school as assignments. Probably also when making cards for my mother as a child I may have written a verse or two. But I really didn't start writing poetry until I was about 25 and then, still, infrequently.

I've have not written that many either. I'd say, probably 35 or so is all and most of those are fairly recent, in the last few years.

[Poem: Autumn Crumble Musings]

That's interesting, I guess I didn't realize there were categories. I mean, I've read and noticed differences with some poetry having a rhythm though no rhyme, while some rhymes though may or may not be rhythmic, etc., but I didn't realize the various forms involved much beyond either that which rhymes and that which does not.

I know little about poetry, have never studied. I've just always loved poetry and it seems to be a natural means of expression for me. When I want to say something import or of deep or personal meaning, I tend naturally to revert to poetry in order to express it. I don't know why, other than my mother wrote poetry, as well as hymns, both lyrics & music.

[Poem: Autumn Crumble Musings]

I very much enjoyed your poem. I'm not good at free style so I like seeing how others write it. Also, though every season has things I love, I think I enjoy autumn the most and reading your poem was like walking through the woods along the river on a beautiful fall day.

[Can the “Mormon Glow” attract the right type of people to your life?]

I don't know if this was a, "Mormon Glow," but some years back while at a stake choir practice for conference, a sister I didn't know and had never seen before approached me in the choir loft excitedly saying, "I knew it! I just knew you were LDS!" She then proceeded to explain that some time before that she had seen me in town in some store while she was out shopping and said that when she saw me she was certain I had to be LDS.

I remember thinking, "Wow, even me? Even flawed, imperfect, struggling me radiates something of the Spirit and the things of the soul to others?" It was a very humbling experience and I was grateful to think if that was so, maybe I was of more value and influence to others around me in this world than I ever might have thought.

[Poem - The Gift]

As one poet to another I would like to say thank you for sharing your uplifting poem, which I absolutely enjoyed. I hope you have more to share with us.

Thank you, I appreciate that. I'm glad you liked it. :)

[Poem - The Gift]

Thanks. I'd never thought to write a Christmas poem before but yesterday I just felt compelled. As often happens when I write poetry it came quite easily after I prayed for help, so I don't ever feel I can take much credit. :)

[Poem - The Gift]

The Gift

A wooden box came tied with twine

And wrapped in shredded burlap old

"Within a priceless gift you'll find"

The writing on a note had told

I wondered what could be of worth

Inside a splintered box of wood

So cut the wrapping and the twine

And then in silence there I stood

A small and simple manger found

It lined with straw of dusty mold

But laid within a gift beyond

The cost of gem or purest gold

Twas just an old worn figurine

Of porcelain dull and chipped with time

But nothing could have had more worth

To touch my soul with love sublime

My treasures I did gently clean

And place beneath a costly tree

But from that moment crystal balls

And shiny ribbons did not see

I saw instead His perfect glow

And felt His warmth beyond compare

Because He came a humble babe

To cleanse my sins and sorrows bear

How much the world and all its things

Had stripped that beauty from my sight

But now once more to see and feel

The splendor of His perfect light

The One who gave His life for me

Whose perfect love my ransom paid

The humble babe of Bethlehem

Who in a simple manger laid

[How to tell my parents that I am marrying a Mormon?]

This made me think of my uncle and his wife. He met her while in the military and stationed in Japan. When they met she could speak no English and he only knew a handful of words in Japanese, but love blossomed even without a shared language, as well as without a shared culture or faith. He was Lutheran, she was Buddhist.

Upon bringing his bride to America it proved to be a very difficult cultural change and adjustment for her and also very hard for her to move so far away from her family. But, love being what it is, or can be, she was completely devoted to my uncle. Fortunately, too, my uncle adored her and did all he could to see to it that she was able to travel home to see her family as often as possible. As much as she missed them, though, she and my uncle were very happy and though America was always a foreign land to her, it became her home because it was his.

They had one child, who was their world. She was killed in a car accident shortly after entering the military and then some years later my uncle passed, but his wife stayed on in America for the remainder of her life, even though she could have gone back to Japan to spend several more years of her life with her family she so missed and loved. But I don't think leaving the place her husband and daughter were buried was something she could bring herself to do either. Love truly can conquer all, but it can sometimes be a difficult road of sacrifices along the way.

I don't know how to advise you on ways to discuss things with your parents, though something like Loudmouth_Mormon's simple and forthright approach sounds best. Things such as marriage, religion, and having a child move far from home can all be difficult for families to accept sometimes, though, so all of this could be challenging for you, depending on their reaction, so I'd just say be prayerful and let the Lord guide your thoughts, words, and steps.

As for leaving your country, if or when you do, I would suggest maybe finding a group or organization that reflects your culture and heritage to become involved with. That can be helpful in not feeling as much loss at the changes immigrating to a new country can bring. I would also think those kinds of ties, especially if family is not accepting of one's decisions and where estrangement sometimes occurs, can help keep one from feeling so adrift, alone, or abandoned in a strange land without ties with their family or friends.

P.S. The temple work has been done for my uncle, his wife, and their daughter. :)

[Poem - You]

You

Just ask of me, I'll walk a mile

Nay, I shall make it twain

Or call to me in dark of night

I'll rush to soothe your pain

Awake me from the deepest sleep

I'll gladly ease your fear

Cry out and I will run to you

However far or near

You're as a golden fleece to me

A chalice fine and rare

A treasured stone, a costly gem

A pearl beyond compare

And naught could dim you in my eyes

No storm could have a part

No loss of fortune, weakness, flaw

Could tear you from my heart

No suffering I would not endure

No hardship, sorrow, grief

To reach, to touch, to comfort you

As balm for your relief

Could never look away from you

Nor see you without seeing

As silver thread you're woven

In the fibres of my being

[My fiance is having doubts]

I remember when my beloved almost ended our engagement three times before we were married. These are the principles I was taught while going through this:

1. Agency - God provided us agency and it is the most important aspect in any relationship ripening toward marriage. I had learned from a previous relationship that I wasn't very accepting of a women's agency to say "NO". Fortunately, I changed.

2. Confirm your feelings. In saying this, I can only speak for my life, the first time she almost ended our engagement I felt a strong impression, to accept her agency and to confirm my feelings. I simply said, "I love you. I want to marry you, however, if you don't think I will make you happy, then you need to go and end this engagement." I then confirmed my feelings for her. This also lead to one of my most distinct revelations. Now, in saying this, this wasn't easy to say, because it had the opportunity to end the relationship the moment we returned home from visiting my parents, and I was thinking to myself, "Am I really saying this???"

3. Trust in the will of the Lord. If you are a good person for her, the Lord will confirm it, and you only need to relax and go about your daily tasks.

4. Be watchful and prayerful.

Best Wishes!

I'm glad you posted. #3 is just what I needed to be reminded of today. :)

[My fiance is having doubts]

I think your fiance wants something that none of us gets. And that is a guarantee. Revelation just isn't like that. There is a "surety" or a "knowing" that comes. But it's always coupled with a need for exercising faith. The "surety" stuff just makes it easier to exercise it. At least that is my experience with this process.

BTW...did your fiance's blessing say WHEN she would recognize her husband? Maybe she will know later after she's experienced a trial of faith.

Bottom line is your sweetie needs to do what the rest of us has to do. Search it out in her mind and heart, ask the Lord, and then go forward making the best choice she can. My experience is that as I move forward in faith, like Moses walking into the Red sea (BEFORE it parted), my decision is either confirmed or I am somehow stopped. It's all about trust really. Trusting ourselves and trusting God to intervene when He thinks its time.

Just for fun, what would it be like if she tried to make the decision AS IF that PB never happened? What decision would SHE make completely on her own?

This is the hard thing, I think. The faith and trust in God.

What I mean, is, that it can seem, and often be, so easy to feel trust in God in knowing how one should live and behave in life generally, as far as what they should do in trusting God in other matters, i.e. love of God, love of one's fellowman, not judging, being honest and all the general dos and don'ts. And, in that, feeling the confidence of knowing the Lord's will and endeavoring to do it and feeling all will be well. Seems we can often have trust in God in those things, along with that sense of assurance and reassurance, that we're doing His will.

But, for some reason, when it comes to something that is actually so personal to ourselves as is marriage and love between a man and woman, with such far reaching consequences, no less, that seems to be, for me, at least, where my faith and trust in God falters. He can tell me something clearly and distinctly, even, yet, in spite of that I guess my fear to trust kicks in and in time I begin to question and doubt.

Though maybe that's where most of us are tried in our faith and trust in God and maybe that's because we're so of this world at present. It's so much easier to do what is clearly spelled out in scripture, let's say, but when it comes to personal revelation, that's when our faith is truly tested, I suppose, and when our lack of trust in God can become evident to ourselves. Though maybe it's not even a lack of trust in God, so much, but in ourselves?

Just some thoughts I've been grappling with of late, about how much one does trust God, or dares to, anyway... :)

[Justin Bieber ok for 5 y/o but not God Bless the USA]

Oh, as per how I would feel or what I would do if I was in the religious minority? Well, I have great respect for people of all religious faiths, always having admired those who are devout and strive to live according to their beliefs.

So, let us say I lived in an Islamic country. Would I be offended by children singing a song that reflected that faith? No, I certainly would not. As a matter of fact, if I lived in an Islamic country, I would gladly take advantage of pausing and praying to my Heavenly Father and thanking He and my Lord whenever I heard the call to prayer.

Actually, I already do something akin to this. Nearly 25 years ago I was feeling rather sorrowful because of the isolation I was living in at the time and my inability to be of more service to others, when, I was moved upon and inspired by the realization that whenever I heard a siren, someone was potentially in trouble.

So - I took to praying whenever a siren would sound, praying for whoever was in trouble and for those being sent to help. It quickly became a habit that I've continued all the years since. Now I happen to live a stone's throw from a fire station, so, as it is, I am usually called to prayer multiple times each day.

[Justin Bieber ok for 5 y/o but not God Bless the USA]

I remember one Saturday when I was just a little girl that my father, in rare form, was actually at home. He was laying on the couch and drinking a beer as a ballgame was about to start. When the national anthem began it moved my tender child heart, but my father seemed oblivious to it, still lounging, drinking, and scratching himself as it played.

Even as such a young child I had a deep love of my country and flag and I was hurt by what I perceived as such a lack of reverence shown by my father. So wounded, in fact, that I went into the kitchen to hide behind the refrigerator to cry, as I also stood holding my little hand over my heart until the anthem finished playing.

Yet the lyrics to the song God Bless The USA are "not age appropriate" for little children? Might be "a little over the head" of your average elementary schooler? If that is so, it's the fault of adults who lack sufficient respect to instill such things in the minds and hearts of the children in their charge.

[Poem - My Flag]

Thank you Pam. I'd never had occasion to attend a flag retiring ceremony until the year I was asked to write this poem for one held during a 4th of July celebration. It was a very solemn, moving, thing to witness. One which couldn't help but instill an even deeper love and reverence for our flag and something I wish every American could experience at least once in their lifetime. Here's a link with several boy scout flag retiring ceremonies listed. If anyone has an opportunity to attend one, or has charge of arranging a patriotic program for church or community, I would encourage considering it. Boy Scout Flag Retirement Ceremonies

[It's never too late]

I like that.

Sure miss my piano. It's been in storage for over eight years.

Here's one...

Produced by Drew Reese - ReverbNation (Ninety & Nine by Stephanie Smith)

[Poem - My Flag]

My Flag

Oh my dear flag, you mean to me

More than I can describe

Emotions deep within my soul

Your beauty doth imbibe

Your splendid colors stand alone

To move the mind and heart

To help us rise above ourselves

And greater things impart

In children's hands you're tightly clasped

As marching bands pass by

You're raised on porch and building front

On mast and tower high

Upon the moon, so far away

Each passing day and night

You stand as silent sentinel

Though far beyond our sight

You've led soldiers into battle

Given courage amidst war

You've been draped, a shroud, on caskets

As our fallen men we bore

You've been the inspiration

To each patriot heart that beats

And when peace has come you've been there

As we danced in city streets

I think of all the lands and seas

Where you have stately flown

Majestic in your quiet strength

A symbol of our home

A home, a land, where we are free

To live and work and love

A land where each is given place

To worship God above

That God, who giveth freedom

To the minds and souls of men

Who would, in wisdom, have us free

To serve a nobler end

My flag, Our Flag, what other sight

Can give the heart such thrill?

For freedom's cause, to us, you live and breathe

And ever will

With tomorrow being flag day I thought I'd share. I've always loved my country's flag from as far back as I can remember as a very small child, but came to write this poem after being asked to write something in honor of it for a flag retiring ceremony in 2002. It was one of the most difficult poems I've done because of the deep emotions it brought on and I wept all through the writing of it. Very emotional writing task.

[Man question]

Why did you get divorced? Is this man feeling guilty because he may think he caused it? Is he just really insecure?

Wow, I did not think I would find this instance right away, but you just described my life for the past two years...except I never got divorced. I just found myself at my bishop's house confessing two years ago that I was NOT in love with my husband, but I "did something really stupid" and fell in love with a man "not my husband"..

This was ALL over the internet as well.

The same answer of "wait" was all I got when I prayed. The same feelings of peace came over me. I felt accepted and loved as I never had before. He was my very best friend that I have ever had.

The deal is this..you do not know what you are "waiting" for. You do not know for sure what "wait on the Lord" means. It means he will do what best for you..and that may be NOT what you want it to be. I know how you feel. I know you want to be with this dear, dear friend, and doubt and despair and hormones all torture you to no end. Some days you are fine,. and some days you are not.

After literally deciding NOT to have an affair, I thought I could still be this man's friend. I THOUGHT WRONG. For as long as you continue to email him, or stalk him on facebook, you will be torturing yourself because he does not write back. He won't take the bite when you go fishing, and it is going to HURT.

Because you ARE single now (and peice of me is yelling "lucky you") if I were you, I would sit and decide if he was worth sacrificing your entitre life as you know it right now. Will you physically uproot yourself, (with the possibility of leaving your children behind--sorry I do not know your reasons for divorce nor custody situation) and MOVE to where he lives? You need to realize ALL the consequences to that decision. Will you show up on his doorstep and see if he will give it one last shot? IF there is any doubt, then you need to do yourself a favor and stop hurting yourself over this man.

One of the biggest things I have learned over these past few years is that when want something so desperately, that is NOT the Lord's will, I tried to make myslef beleive that it WAS in some way...even going to the depths of " in the next life, we will be together" and hoping for THAT.. STOP HOPING FOR THAT!!!!!

Your heavenly Father LOVES you. You are his daughter. He wants you to be happy.

Ask yourself, Is this situation making you happy? I think not. I think the longer you go on torturing yourself, the more miserable you will become. Stop emailing him. If it is "meant to be" it will happen. He has to be ready though, or you will find yourself with a husband who has run away for the third time later. Let him come to you.

In the mean time, move on with your life. And get out of my shoes. You do not want to be there.

One more thing...and i hesitate to say this, but are you SURE he is divorced? He's acting married.

I very much appreciate your input. I'm also very sorry for what you went through. I don't know what the future holds for me, or for this man, but when I listen to the Lord in how I should deal with him, that's when I have peace over the matter, so giving up is not something I feel to do at this point, though that doesn't mean it will always be so. I do know that I have to make a life for myself. So that's what I need to figure out how to do. It's hard to start all over again, but I must, whether I ever have this man in my life or not. Thank you Sunshine. :)

[Man question]

I know its not what you want to hear but obviously you guys are having issues already getting married doesnt make every issue you had before vanish it could get worse. Throw in some kids and bills and so many other complications that arise in life and your asking for trouble. I will agree with the others and say I think its time for you to let go and move on.

If you dont want to take our advice then listen to the one who matters pray about it and ask for heavenly fathers help on the matter.

So sorry I ended up making such a long post again...

Thank you. It's helpful to have perspectives beyond my own and with almost no one to talk to of this, I do very much appreciate the input from all of you. I also understand why it would seem time to let go and move on, too, I do. If this were someone else's tale of woe, I would likely find it quite sad that they'd be clinging to hope when things appeared as futile as this looks to be and would hate to imagine them wasting time on this one man when there's a world out there where plenty of good and emotionally available men surely must exist.

Oh, I hasten to add that's not to say I think a woman can't live a happy and fulfilled life without a man there to make her happy. Actually I was convinced for years that if anything were to happen to my husband, I felt I'd be quite content to live the rest of my life alone, even sure I would prefer it that way. But, then, when the only man you realize you've ever truly loved (but loved from afar for over a decade) confesses to you he loves you and has for far longer than that, well, your perspective can change quite dramatically.

But, in light of what you said about listening to the one who matters and asking Heavenly Father's help on the matter, I guess I'll relent and add a couple more pieces of the story with two experiences I had pertaining to it. I've sought guidance by way of prayer all along and these experiences were singular and profound, but that's part of the problem. Well, not that the experiences are part of the problem. I am, because of my tendency to succumb to doubt. So instead of asking why a man runs from a woman he loves, maybe I should have started a thread asking how one refrains from succumbing to doubting the Lord when things begin to look hopeless.

Anyway, yes, Heavenly Father is definitely the only one who can help either this man, or me. So maybe with what I add it will help make it a little more clear as to why I haven't yet given up. There are days I wish I could give up, days I do want to because it can be so hard, but the truth is, doubting has actually the biggest trial for me in all of this. Patience has never been my long suit, but I do have the capacity for it, if I must, just the same. The worst, though, is when I let doubt overtake me and then I can easily plunge into a sense of hopelessness and despair and that is what I'm having the greatest trouble living through and overcoming it seems.

I did hesitate talking about these experiences before as not only are they very personal, but there have been even those in the faith who are doubtful enough to attempt to convince me I only imagined them. I didn't and I know that, but being the imperfect human being I am and with having most everything I've ever wanted in life denied me thus far, I tend to be even more susceptible to doubt, I think, feeling if I really want something, I'm not going to be allowed to have it. I know that there is nothing impossible for the Lord, but when I succumb to doubt, despair follows, which may actually be because I am doubting the Lord himself. So, to add...

When I first realized what I felt for this man I was absolutely horrified because I was a married woman at the time. I should add that there was no impropriety of any kind that led to this. I was committed to marriage for life (having married a non-LDS man) in spite of our problems. But since I also understood the weakness of human nature, I was always very careful in all I did as far as contact with the opposite was sex was concerned, being very aware that no one is immune from risk in forming emotional attachments to others that could lead to romantic feelings. Since such feelings could easily then lead to the disaster of adultery, I had always made it a point to use extreme caution to avoid any situation at all that could put me at risk for developing feelings for somone else.

So, to continue, being horrified, as I said, at discovering I had fallen in love with a man not my husband, I spent the next year in agony praying, pleading that those feelings be removed from me, while doing all I could to bring that about. Then on one especially hard day I was in such anguish I was literally crying out to Heavenly Father, not knowing what to do, when the Spirit spoke, not in an audible voice, but to my mind, and very strongly and powerfully, but so lovingly and filled with compassion, speaking the words, "Wait upon the Lord." That was all.

Those feelings were not removed, but I was filled with peace and comfort in knowing the Lord was aware of my plight and that I was under no condemnation for my feelings of love for this man. That experience enabled me to lay it all aside and leave it in the hands of the Lord and live my life the best I could for the next several years, thinking at the time that if there was any hope for me and this man, it would have to come in the hear after anyway, since to my knowledge he had no such feelings for me.

That changed, of course, after this man confessed his own feelings for me and then when I confessed mine for him, there was finally hope, for both of us, for the first time and things were wonderful and we were looking ahead to the future, until he began to back away and then to run. Eventually, with that I then began to doubt sufficiently to sink into a low enough state that I felt pretty much forced to give up altogether.

That brings me to the second experience. I awoke feeling ill one Sunday morning, with not only being very discouraged and depressed over the hopeless state of my personal life, as I saw it, but also with feeling physically ill with a great deal of abdominal distress, churning, and painful burning in my stomach and abdomen, so I decided rather than go to church I would stay in bed and rest. Finally, though, with feeling strongly in need of the sacrament, I made myself get up and go to church anyway.

With all the sacrament hymns we could have sung that day, we had to sing I Stand All Amazed, a hymn I absolutely love, but one that never ceases to bring me to tears. So, feeling very emotional as the sacrament began to be passed, I began to plead with my Heavenly Father in prayer, asking that if this man and I were not meant to be to please help me overcome the feelings of love I had for him so that I could move on. But, if there was yet hope, that if it was the Lord's will that we be together, to please give me the peace I needed to get through things in the meantime.

Upon concluding that prayer, the sweetest sensation of peace began to overtake me, which washed down through my torso. It was a literal physical sensation, which began just under my colar bones and washed slowly down to just below my navel, and as it did, it completely soothed and washed away the pain, discomfort, and burning in my stomach and abdomen as it went, as well as filling me with the most beautiful sense of comfort emotionally. I was in awe and began thanking my Heavenly Father in profound gratitude.

But, believe it or not, doubt immediately seized me and I questioned if I had actually just experienced what I had. I mean, I knew I had, I still felt the peace, but the experience was just so beautiful I could hardly believe it could have happened, so I prayed the same prayer again in my doubt, with the same sweet sensation of peace washing down through me as before, though softer, as if a tender reassurance.

The comfort I had from that experience sustained me for quite a few months, but, as time passed and things with this man seemed to deteriorate further looking more and more bleak, especially once he said we wouldn't work and that I wanted something from him he'd never be able to give me and then with quitting talking to me altogether, I began to lose hope and trust enough to sink back into despair once more and that's where I've been finding myself trapped again of late.

[Preparing to talk with the bishop]

You need to be the one who sets the limits, so you really need to think seriously about what it is you truly want, now as well as in the future. Being a member of the church, a priesthood holder, and having been endowed in the temple of the Lord, you should well know you have the far greater responsibility to not allow for risks that can lead to sin, especially when this is not only about you.

While this girl's degree of understanding may not be as your own, she is still accountable for her part if and/or when the two of you cross the chastity line, as per that degree of understanding. Even so, especially with you having the greater light you will also bear the responsibility of encouraging a daughter of God to violate His laws. If you truly care for this girl, would you really want to do things that help persuade her to commit sin?

That she would be agreeable, as per backing off, as well as you saying she really wants to help you return to the temple, it sounds as though she cares about you a great deal, as well as seeming to have a good and trusting heart, so I would say it behooves you to not take advantage of that situation by letting your desires and passions influence your actions in ways that could harm not only yourself, but her as well.

I'm glad you're going to see your bishop. Do not let other busy life things get in the way of that either. There is nothing shameful about being a human being with weaknesses that include desires of the flesh. We all have them in one way or another and to one degree or another. But often we can easily forget how our own acts can influence and harm others in ways that we would really not want if we stopped to think about the ramifications.