The love of Christ is all encompassing and if properly sought after has the power heal no matter how deep your anguish. That being said the way to seek his love and his all powerful redemption is to obey his commandments. I do not try or mean to judge you, but from your post you said that something to the effect that you want to de-couple your desire to be female from the feeling that it is a sin. The light of christ is a gift to all men. The feeling of it being a sin is a good indication that it is. The only way to get rid of that feeling is to totally cut yourself off from the spirit in willful and knowing disobedience to the point that your spirit is so deadened you can ignore the spirit completely. I do not know how these things will be worked out by the Judgement of God. It so far has not been revealed to us. What is known is the promptings of the spirit to know when we are in the right or wrong. The natural man is an enemy to god and to seek the desires of the natural man puts us at opposition to God. There can be NO true joy, when we are at opposition with God. There is intentional confusion caused by Lucifer between pleasure and joy. We can have sinful mortal pleasure but we can't have true lasting joy at the same time. Only when we align ourselves to the will of God can be find joy. As far as the priesthood, there are many references to the consequences of rejecting the priesthood after it having been properly and righteously ordained. There are also consequences for males who fail to make themselves worthy to be ordained. This is not an easy issue to deal with. I am a Biology major and I know how the processes of sex assignment in procreation work. I do not know however how these physical mechanisms work in the plan of Salvation. There is room for error and imperfection in this world as much as diseases are genetic. What can't be explained is that we are spiritual beings having a mortal experience. We always have our agency, and if we are giving a flawed body we are to bear that trial. No mortal trial gives us excuse to disobey Gods commandments. Satan wants us to justify our sins so that we continue in them to our damnation. Just as we do not choose if we are to endure physical deformity sever or minor, mental illness or impairment cross gender feelings can be seen as a trial. Jealousy, resentment and the other host of sins mentioned are a clear sign that what is desired is not of God. We can know if things are of God when they lead us to righteousness and a desire to be closer to God and more like him. I struggle with intense addictive feelings that I will bear my whole life. That is not an excuse for me to give in. There is nothing that the power of God can't help with. There are also no trials given to us that we cannot bear, and that includes ones that we need can't face on our own and must have Gods help. He wants us to turn to him so that we can get to know him. If your trial is to be a woman in a mans body, then it is the only refining fire hot enough to soften you sufficiently that God can mold you into being worthy of eternal exhaltation. Do not shrink from the task. Seek God sincerely and ask to have your animosity towards God softened enough to start you on the path to repentance. Then and only then, when you have progressed far enough to Gods satisfaction will he take the pain away and allow you to have joy in your life.
