G-Money

Hello, I'm looking for advice on how to strengthen my waning faith. I'm really starting to consider leaving the church. Recently, I have had a severe drop in my previously extremely high level of faith. There hasn't been any set event, but rather a torrent of deep though on the church, and on myself as a church member. I love the chruch, I love the fellowship, I love our complete and detailed look into the afterlife. I love the promise of eternal happiness, living with my family, and becoming like unto a God. The Church has always always been a staple in my life that has brought me a lot of joy. I'm 16, and I have been thinking a lot about my mission. This led me to further scripture study for preparedness. Then I had an idea that shook my faith quite a bit. If Heavenly Father created us, knows us completely, and knows everything that will come to pass, how did he not create some of us to fail? Agency suddenly becomes a contrived and irrelevant. This alarmed me immediately. I asked seminary teachers, bishops, stake presidents, my family, no one had been able to provide an answer for me. I started to really despair. For the first time in my life, I seriously have question whether the church is true. This coupled with a couple of other things. My uncle came out as a homosexual. I didn't know what to think. I don't, despite what my teachers and friends have told me, believe that homosexuality is a choice. Why would anyone choose something that is met with scorn and ridicule? Why would someone who served a full time mission choose something that is clearly outlined as sin? That answer just doesn't do it for me and never will. And the third entry in this trifecta has been a atheist school teacher telling us in detail why he's right. At first I ignored him, but as I listened, a lot of this really does make sense to me. My seminary teacher has also been trying to address several known questions in the church, but he has been anything but tactful. I didn't know that blacks couldn't receive the priesthood, I didn't know Joseph Smith was a polygamist, I didn't know any of these, and he just shoved them in my face and said "These are just things that we don't know, so deal with them." As a last bit, I just want to say: Many of these problems could easily be solved for me. I could accept that there are things that are beyond our comprehension, and just put my trust in God, if I could just feel the spirit. I haven't had any confirmation, and warmth, any whisper, for as long as I can remember. If I could just feel the spirit, I would be content that some things are not understandable. Please help me build my faith. If I were 18 today, I don't think I could serve a full time mission honestly and with an full heart.

Thanks for all the great feedback! I've confessed my sins, now for the abandonment of them!

So on Wednesday I talked with my bishop, and he said that it was ok, and that he knew I was a good kid, he said that was that and as far as bishoping he didn't have anything else to do. As you can imagine I was over the moon, then today, I had another incident. It is extremely humbling, I thought I was home free, but obviously not. I need advice on how to stop this and what it is I need to do next. I'm at an all time low, I feel completely awful, I had told my dad, and bishop, and now I made another silly mistake. Please any advice would be extremely helpful. I was one day away from taking the sacrament and being done with this mess!

I was thinking it was about time to get one. How should I prepare for this great opportunity? I'm looking for a little guidance during a turbulent time. Both my parents have divorced terribly, and subsequently, left the church. I still have a strong faith, and feel like this is the next step to growing closer to Heavenly father. What should I do?

Tonight is the night of truth. Extremely nervous, school just ended, but I still don't feel free with this burden. How long did the bishop require you to abstain before you could get a temple recommend, etc?

Thanks for the advice, I'm going to talk to my bishop tomorrow. I just hope that I don't lose my calling as teachers quorum president. I'm just glad that it's not as big as I perceived it to be. Guilt is an agent of hyperbole.

I will tell him on Wednesday. Do I need to tell my parents? What kind of consequences will I be subject to? I have never gone to the bishop for anything like this. With no further incidents, how soon will I be able to return to the temple? Is there any way to keep this between my bishop, myself, and heavenly father? After the repentance process is completed how can I stay away from this? I realized I am surprisingly uninformed about this process.

I made a mistake, that I am very ashamed of and feel guilty about. I joined this forum to ask for advice. For about two weeks I masturbated about day to day, perhaps every other day. I originally didn't know the church policy on this said activity, but after doing research and praying I knew that it was not just a sin, but a fairly large sin at that. I felt heaps of guilt, and more recently have had trouble sleeping, I want to get back on the path and continue to spiritually grow. I abstained for one week after that two week period, then fell pray to temptation right as that week was ending, I have now been free of the poison for about a week. I have been pouring my heart out at night and in the morning, and I have fasted the past two Sundays. I've increased scripture study, and gone back to the book of Mormon to increase my faith. At times I feel like I have been forgiven, but then randomly I will get waves of doubt, this confirms to me that my repentance cycle has not yet been completed. My first thought was that I might need to talk to the bishop, but fear has plagued me, he scheduled a meeting this Wednesday for an unrelated thing( I don't even know) and I've been considering telling him then. Here are the things that are stopping me. 1. I've always been the good kid in the ward, in my family, etc. -I'm the kid that stops bullying or bears his testimony, or goes to church when no one else is. I'm the kid who doesn't skip seminary, etc. I don't want that reputation to be soiled. If I confessed to the bishop, I would have to cease priesthood duties temporarily and everyone in the ward family would know I screwed up. I love my ward family desperately, they have helped my through trials, and I have been known to come to church early or stay late to speak with many of the members. Not to mention my family who trusts me wholeheartedly, they let me stay out late, go where I want, etc. because of their unbetrayed trust. I can't disappoint my father especially because we've been through a really rough time recently and he is not himself/very sad. I don't know if I have it in my to hurt him further. 2. The thought of saying those words to my bishop seems so daunting. I love me bishop, and he think very highly of me. I talk to him all the time in and outside of church. Telling him this, I fear, would ruin our relationship. I live in a small ward with few young men, and I've never seen or heard of seen one of them meeting with the bishop, let alone cease their priesthood duties. It just seems like I would be noticed even more so because of this. I am the teachers quorum president, and I who is supposed to set the example made the mistake. If everyone knew that it could change the way they look at me forever. I'm not justifying my mistake, not at all, it was wrong and I see that. I want to continue my spiritual growth no matter the cost, but if at all possible, I would love to keep this repentance process to myself. I just don't know if that is enough. I'm not looking for a shortcut. I'm miserable now, I can't handle the guilt.When I was younger I once burst into tears crying telling my parents that I had said a swear word on accident because it felt so good to be free of that burden, and this is much worse. Please any advice would be greatly appreciated.

I'm biased because I've only been to Seattle, but I can say that Seattle is a wonderful city that I love, it's beautiful, the food is fresh, the rain is nice, the market is awesome. Just feels like there is so much to explore.

I have kind of my own opinion on this one. I think that you work to live, not live to work, and the best living is with more money to provide your family and yourself with things. Now I don't think money is the root of happiness, in fact I believe strongly it isn't, but working should be to provide for your family, If you like it, that's more of a side benefit.

Hey I'm from Idaho as well! Pocatello more specifically.

I think gaming can be a really good thing, it can provide a fun escape. Some people seem to think it's less than other media, but I disagree. I really love gaming, but I agree that it can be a harmful addiction. I never play the MMO's because they take up too much time. I got really addicted to games for about 3 years, and I haven't been the same athletically, mentally, or spiritually sense. I just wasted so much time that I didn't have time to develop my other talents. Now I've got it trimmed down to 1-2 hours a day with the occasional splurge if I've got nothing else to do. The secret is matching that time with other productive things. Example: Play 2 hours of games, Practice basketball for 2 hours, or read for 2 hours, or help someone, etc. It can be a problem, and I admit that I probably couldn't quite entirely even if I wanted to, but I think it is a good thing if you keep it under control. After all, you don't get anything back from that time.

That's great! One of the elders in my ward served there.