The_Professor

I know exactly how you feel as I went through it with my wife. She carried out out emotional affairs three separate times with two different men within a year. Men whith whom she worked. I can only share with you my experience and I hope it provides some solace, insight, and help. My wife confessed that she was having a difficult time in our marriage (which was true; most of it was financial and I was stressed out and became emotionally detatched from her). She informed me that she had been confiding her feelings with a male co-worker that she had grown close to. She realized that it was going down a dangerous path when he wanted to meet her outside work on a more "intimate" level. She decided to break it off and tell me. I was hurt more than you could imagine. Although I realized we were having difficulties, I never once thought of venturing outside our marriage for "comfort." I was angry and wondered if our marriage was on the road to separation or divorce. Her confession, although liberating for her, drove me to a very dark place. I went back on all of the cell phone records and looked at phone numbers and times she was calling. I was also looking at the times texts were sent, as well as whether it was a text or an image. I became so obsessed about it, it was all I could think of for two weeks. It was during this time that I made a startling conclusion. I noticed that she had been sending texts and calling the guy she was confiding in at all times during the day and on days she was off during the time she said she was having this "friend fling." But I began to look back over six months and determined that there had been another number that had been coming up that she had been calling and texting as well. There had been many images sent via text (our cell phone bill notes the phone number, time, and type of text sent: text or image). When I pressed my wife about it, she admitted that she had been sending racy texts and photos with this jerk, who was also a co-worker in the same department of the other guy she was confiding in. Man, oh man, I about lost my lunch when she confessed it. She said it was during a time when we weren't physically close and this texting thing made her feel wanted and alive again. I was just flabbergasted. She was very adamant that despite the sexting, nothing physical happened between them. It was a game that she ultimately decided to stop playing when the other guy wanted to do more than just exchange photos via text. It didn't matter that she didn't have a physical relationship, she had engaged in an emotional affair in which she did things with other men that she never did with me. I was so hurt and pissed. We struggled for six months to try and draw nearer. It was at this time when I seriously considered leaving. We were sealed in the temple and had three children, so the thought of ending the marriage and cancelling the sealing scared me because I was more concerned about our children and our salvation. But that fear did not kick the thought of divorcing from out of my mind. She spoke to the bishop of our ward and she promised not to have any contact with the aforementioned men. She was transferred to another area of the hospital that would limit her contact with those guys. She opened her phone so that I could see who was texting and e-mailing her. She was truly intent on wanting to be open and honest. As a result, things seemed to be looking up again. We were talking, I had stopped looking at the cell phone bill, and I fully forgave my wife for what happened. I was promoted at my job and to celebrate, we went out and had a great dinner and a romantic evening. I got up in the middle of the night and for whatever reason, I was attracted to my wife's cell phone. I unlocked it (although I wasn't looking at her phone anymore, I noticed she began to lock it again. I always had a wandering eye and was able to learn her passcode) and saw in her inbox that she recevied a number of e-mails from the first guy she had exchanged sexual images with. My jaw hit the floor at what I saw and what I read. It was like something out of porn magazine. Pictures of him...nude; describing what he wanted to do to her. And what was even worse were her replies (she wrote to him and fortunately did not send any pics of herself). Her words certainly did not leave anything to the imagination. I lost it and as you can guess, a major fight ensued at 3:00 a.m. I was ready to walk out, because I didn't care anymore. I look back at that night/morning and believe that God lead me to that startling revelation into my wife's actions. There is no other explanation as I was not suspicious at all of her doing this again. We spent a week apart. I earnestly prayed for what I should do. And the more I prayed, the more I was led to find the road back to her. I didn't know what that meant, but as I calmed my ire, the feeling in my heart was to find a way for reconciliation. I was never that guy. Cheat on me and you're out, but since my conversion to the Gospel of Christ, I learned that we are weak and sin and fail more times than we succeed. I had to find a way to repair what was broke. As I continually prayed, I was reminded of the words of D&C 64:34-35 (I the Lord will forgive whom I forgive, but of you it is required to forgive all men) and Matthew 18 (when Jesus' disciples inquire of him how many times they should forgive. Jesus replied 70 times seven. Another way of saying to forgive unlimited times). In other words, despite my anger, I had to find a way to make things work, if they were fixable. What pained me more than anything was that I thought things were going well between us when I saw this latest transgression. I had a serious sit down with her I told her that I wanted to save my marriage and why she was doing this. She said she didn't know why, but that she just couldn't help herself. She admitted that she had a problem with sexting and needed professional help. We sought out a therapist and she has been diligent in going. We are closer in our conversations and in our prayers. I have grown towards rebuilding my trust with her. It also helped that I made a threatening phone call to the guy and told him if he ever did anything like this again, I would inform the HR department at his work about the images and his actions(as I forwarded the e-mails to my personal account that proved that the e-mails he was sending were during work time and the pics he was taking and sending were doing work time). Needless to say, I haven't had any problems with him since. It has been 1 1/2 years since this event and we are going strong. My only words of advice are this: If you love your husband and want to make the marriage work, you have to find a way to forgive. It is a commandment. But if you feel that your trust has been so violated that it is beyond repair, then free yourself. Infidelity, whether emotional or physical, is an appropriate grounds for dissolution of marriage. But only do it if you're sure that's what you want. There is hope for you and your husband. It will not be easy, but you need to get on your knees and pray for what Heavenly Father would have you do. Then encourage your husband to get on his knees and to pray for forgiveness and to repent. He also needs to go to the bishop and confess. And if he won't do it, then you have the right to go to the bishop and tell him what's going down. The bishop, as a judge in Israel, has no other choice but to take action. I will pray for you and your family. I know how difficult this is. May the arms of our Heavenly Father hold you tight during this most difficult time.