TotallyWalkingByFaith

What would I benefit from taking him off of our insurance? Two weeks ago he came to me with the worst case of strep I have ever seen - his tonsils were so horribly swollen he couldn't sip soup. One tonsil was nearly black. I thought he had gangrene of the tonsil! If he hadn't been on insurance, I would have had to pay for it - what parent would do otherwise? - instead he just owes us for the co-pays. So no, I don't want to take him off of insurance and I feel like if I do, that will be vindictive. He is very independent but insurance is not available as part of his job right now. I should mention that he has a slightly than lower IQ--probably comparable to a high functioning Down Syndrome--and is very small (5'2" and 95 +/- pounds) but very attractive and charismatic. Thankfully, he is able to hold down a job and pay his own bills but ran through $4,000 from his savings account in about 2 months after being out on his own. Probably with the encouragement of friends. He is emotionally and functionally the age of maybe 12 or 13. He still needs our help to be out on his own (and trust me when I say I am NOT a helicopter mom. He really does need our help). He is trying hard to be completely independent and has not even come home once until his strep drove him back home. And I know what apartment complex he is in but not which apartment specifically so I let him live his life.

My son is 20. He is adopted but I have had him since he was a baby (as a foster child). My other children are much older than him. He is mildly Fetal Alcohol Syndrome. He moved out of the house shortly after his 20th birthday when he decided to make the choice to live on his own rather than go to church with us (we are LDS). There were no histrionics - he is a calm loving sweet person. Taking part in family activities was part of our requirements for him living with us - whether that be going on outings or going to church. Because of his Fetal Alcohol-edness (yes, I made that up), he has always done whatever his friends want him to do. He has little will of his own socially. Today he made his first visit to the doctor who has the power to prescribe him hormones to start a sex change. He is on our insurance and has not been paying us for it (he has steady work at a popular fast food place and was even recently been sent for training as a shift manager). My first thought was to just take him off of our insurance. I called them today and they will cover HRT if it is deemed medically necessary--and I'm sure he friends know which doctor for him to go to to deem it as such--but the insurance will not pay for any surgeries. In answer to my prayers of what my role is in this and what my Heavenly Father wants me to do, He is responded with a phrase from my Patriarchal Blessing: Be kind, considerate and loving. But I also don't want to be enabling. How would you handle this? What advice can anybody give me to be kind, considerate and loving without being enabling?