Mojomanny

I am an investigator. I have been investigating seriously since last June. I am working with the Missionaries and have spoke with the Bishop. They all know that this is a long term investigation and I will not make a decision to convert or be baptized for another year at a minimum. I have been asked to help with Home Teaching and have accepted. My questions are pretty basic: what should I wear (Church clothes or business casual or less formal) How should I prepare (what should I study or read....) What will I be doing? Thanks in advance for your help.

Thanks Acommonman! First my empathy for your situation, I can sense you feel my pain. I think I will pass on helping with the alimony. I am not thinking of dating yet, that's not how I do things. But I am thinking ahead about what is important to me. I am planning for when I can date but I am not dating. Why wait 15 more months? Well the reality is the marriage has been dead for a long time. It's not a case of making it look good for my son, its a matter of my sense of commitment and responsibility to him. I believe he needs my support because with her issues, it would not be good for him to live with her as the sole or primary role model. I will take your suggestion about the book. Understand the issue isn't that she is bringing me down, it is a matter of her not doing anything to help herself (and us at the same time). Thanks for your input.

As someone who has been married for 23 years, my advice is to take your time and be more sure than you are now. In fact, your post leads me to think perhaps she is not right for you. I have made my mistakes and am very far from perfect. My wife and her family had issues and I thought I could help change them, change her. I can tell you after 23 years that this plan has failed miserably. While I have tried everything I can think of to help her change, she has no desire to. It is unfortunate and sad, be she is either in total denial of her situation, our situation or is content the way she is. Take your time, if she is the right one, you will be together for time and eternity so another month, six months or year now will be insignificant. Continue to pray and trust your own instincts whether she is or is not who you are meant to be with.

Stephen - Thank you for your prayers, they are sincerely appreciated. I hope you and the others here can accept that I have spent over 20 years fighting for this relationship, trying to make it work. If I had any reason to think there was daylight beyond the horizon, I would work on it for another 20 years. Unfortunately I have no reason to hope for a positive future with my wife. (and I say that with a very heavy heart)

Here's an update ... I did see the Missionaries again on Friday and am (trying to) turn over things to them, to let them teach me what I need to know and introduce me to others that will be helpful in my investigation. I was able to attend part of the Ward Social (BBQ) on Saturday. I was a little uneasy having my first introduction be a social event rather than a spiritual one but I sucked it up and went. I am glad I did. First for other investigators, I will tell you that I was not pounced upon by the members. In fact, for the first 15-20 minutes it was just I and the Missionaries keeping each other company (one had just arrived on Thursday) which was okay with me, we kept each other good company. When the meal was ready, I broke away from the Missionaries and sat down with two retired couples who came to the country from El Salvador in the 70's. As luck would have it, the Missionaries sat with us since there were few seats left. As I sat there, a few other members came and welcomed myself and the Missionaries and I had some good conversations and am glad I went. I had to leave early, I wish I could have stayed but I had another commitment. I went to Services on Sunday and was welcomed by one of the families I met at the Social and they invited me to sit with them, which was nice. Sacrament was interesting to hear testimony from three families moving from the Ward, they spoke how the Church has impacted their lives. After that was Sunday School which was a group of twelve ranging from neophyte (me) to life-long members and ranging from 18 to 50's. It was nice to see that even experienced members attend Sunday School. Priesthood followed and we discussed the writings of one of the former Presidents. I had the chance to speak with the Bishop and explained I work every other Sunday and I expect to be committed for my next two weekends off (bringing my son to/from camp) so I did not want my absence to be misconstrued as a lack of interest or commitment to the Church. I have also decided to up my Missionary meetings to twice a week, I think there is way too much for me to learn. I welcome your insight, feedback, thoughts or suggestions! OT ... I need help. I am logged into the site, it shows "Welcome Mojomanny" and beneath that it says "welcome guest login or signup". I am trying to reach one of the moderators by cannot because it wants me to login .. but I am logged in. It's just a vicious cycle. Anyone able to help me with resolving it?

Heather - I will pray that you can accept and understand Heavenly Father's guidance.

Welcome

I met with the Missionaries and they said there is no age limit for Institute, but I will confirm with the Bishop when I go to Sacrament for the first time on Sunday.

I am new here and an investigator (so I don't know a whole heck of a lot). That being said, have you sat down and spoken with your Bishop. He could help you understand the answer as well as you providing him with a full picture now, because surely the Bishop will be involved at some point if there is another request. If he sees now that your husband is not willing to work on things and is not keeping covenants, it might help him when the request comes through. Just my 2¢ and worth every penny you paid for it. Please let us know how things work out

I am new here and an investigator and perhaps see this a little differently. First, kudos to your husband for speaking up and standing up for you. Second, I do not see this a matter of religion. I see it as a matter of respect for you as a person and a lack of respect for your husband. I could never imagine saying anything like this to my relatives or anyone for that matter. It's rude, crude and inappropriate. I think you should discuss the whole issue with your husband and determine how he feels about it. I would suggest that, with his support, you come up with a way of breaking the cycle. Ideally the next time a comment like that is made your husband would stand up and explain that it is inappropriate and disrespectful to both of you and that if it happens again you will both be leaving. If it does happen again, you both need to politely say "thank you for a nice day but we have to go now" and leave in as non-dramatic a fashion as possible. Do not let them continue on. Your body is a Temple and you and your husband cannot allow others to disparage or treat you disrespectfully. Sadly, I would ask if how the your father in law or brothers in law would feel if someone was making similar comments about their wives, but I am afraid of the answer. I sense they would say they wouldn't care, which I find tragically sad. Hope this helps. It's my 2¢ and not worth the price you paid for it. Please let us know how things work out.

Stephen - I appreciate your comments and hope you can accept when I say I have spent a lot of time, energy, emotion, money and effort into trying to make it work. A marriage cannot work when only one side is trying, a problem cannot be solved when only one side wants to solve it. Trust me when I tell you that divorce was not my first option, it is my last option and one I do not take lightly. Perhaps the fact that her sister, my sister-in-law, over 10 (15?) years asked me why I stayed married to my wife might indicate that there is a true and serious issue which I cannot resolve on my own. My wife will not work to help herself help our marriage or help our son. It is unfortunate and it pains me beyond words. The one reason I have hung in as long as I have is to provide a dual parent household. I know the impact single parent households can have on a child and I refused to let that happen. I also know in my state it is rare for a father to get custody (looked into it a LOT) and that my son would falter if raised with her as the primary role model. I also could not let that happen. I chose to be in this marriage, he had no choice and I owed him to see him through to the stage he could stand on his own. Smudge - thanks for your comments, I am learning the Commandments and the full meaning. I am working to be a better man, a better person and I know Heavenly Father will guide me. Thanks for your comments and feedback, please keep it coming, I am a sponge willing to soak it up.

Thanks for the great comments. I have been doing a lot of reading online during my investigation, a LOT of reading. lol There are some things I know I can learn on my own, but other things I know I need a guide for and scripture is one of the things I do need a guide for. I am happy to hear I may be able to attend institute, through my reading I was understanding it to be only for younger people, like primary and seminary have their own age groups. I am meeting with the Missionaries today, and was meeting with them until my son broke his ankle in January, then time did not allow between taking him to doctor appointments and physical therapy etc. Plus this time my interest, my investigation is getting deeper. I am praying more, as of this week I am writing my journal and I am becoming more aware of following my Faith, while I figure out exactly what that is for me and if The LDS Church is right for me. I even remembered to try to fast this past Sunday. I will ask the Elders if Institute is an option. I am also attending services on Sunday but at best can only attend every other week since my job requires I work every other Sunday. and my next Sunday off I have plans to take my father away for the weekend, so it will be a month before I get back to Church, which is disappointing but will allow more time for investigation. Please share whatever other thoughts, comments or feedback you have. I am a sponge willing to soak it in.

By mature adults I mean me, a soon to be 50 year old. I am an investigator and one of the things that scares me about the Church is my lack of knowledge of so much about it, it's practices, Doctrine, Scripture and, well everything. Even though I am doing a lot of research, I know I need a classroom style situation where I can learn much better. That all being said, is there a Seminary or Institute program for older converts? I know there is a part of the Sunday services but I am looking for something more defined for my education, so I can gain the basic background a 10 year old knows and I am clueless on. Thanks in advance for your help

Thank you all for your input and feedback. Leah - I am not looking for some assurance that I will be married but I do wonder if there are single women in my age range that may be looking for marriage. I know marriage is important in the Church and I know I am not meant to be single. I have tried to make this marriage work but without both sides trying, all my effort is for naught. I have spend a considerable amount of time, energy and money trying to find solutions but since she wants to bury her head in the sand and not work on things, there is not much more I can do. It's sad, perhaps even tragic, for me to say that I have lost all desire to be with her, spend time with her and have lost any respect for her that I once have. For those reasons, I do not see any opportunity for things to work out. Based on conversations we have had, she should be aware of the impending divorce .. but I cannot account for how she interpret things. Pam - thank you for your comments Mnn727 - I do worry how it would make a child feel to have dad in his 70's when he is going to college, so your comment is appreciated, helps me try to understand another point of view. Finrock - yes, thank you that is a large part pf my point, that I do not want to feel like an outsider in the Church. I have read how the Church tries to make sure single members are made to feel welcome. but I still cannot help wondering. Couple that with being a new member, in my 50's and I can see a potential to feel isolated. And to be clear I would not marry to avoid that feeling, I want to remarried because I want the pleasure a positive relationship has, of knowing I have someone I want to spend my life and eternity with. Dahlia - Thank you for your comments , I presume my sons counts for something in the eyes of the church, because he means an awful lot to me. He will not be joining me in my investigation but once I am settled in (presuming I become a member of the Church), I would certainly encourage him to have his own investigation. I have a lot on my plate to think and ponder on. I appreciate your comments and welcome additional thoughts you have.

Hello everyone and thank you in advance for your input. I am a 49 yr old investigator and am seriously looking into the Church. I am doing a lot of research and praying. I have been a lifelong Catholic, I have a 17 yr old son and have been married for 23 years. In 16 months my marriage will be ending when I divorce my wife. I should have had the marriage annulled during the first year but I may be a bit to loyal. I was working on a divorce when we found out we were going to have a child. I was committed to making sure my son was raised in a two parent household (still not sure it was the best decision) and when he gets into college in 16 months I will begin the divorce proceedings. My question for this forum is this: Understanding how important family is in the Church, and knowing I am not intended to be single, I want to be married again, in a good, positive relationship. How many single Church members might there be for a 50-53 year old man? (I am not looking for eharmony or a dating club, but I don't want to feel ostracized or not fit in because I do not have a family or an Sealed Marriage. If I do join the Church and it's Gods will that I do find the person that is right for me and I right for her, I do want to be able to have my marriage Sealed.) Secondarily, after a lot of thought, I am very open to the idea that if it's Heavenly Father's Will that we have children, either as a couple or through adoption. I will say the idea at first scared the heck out of me, being 70 when a son/daughter would be entering college but after thinking and praying I know I need to leave it in His hands. I feel that having a family is part of my calling. I would greatly appreciate your thoughts, comments and prayer.