fitzy

WOW! This is my first time ever to visit this forum and register. I clicked on this thread to read as it was all too familiar. I was shocked at some of the responses that looking at porn was o.k. I have been there. It is an AWFUL place to be. My spouse was casually looking at porn over the years -I would catch something on the computer history occasionally and have a confrontation. It was very hurtful to me. He ended up having an internet affair that was "internet sex" but they never met up. However 5 years after that, he ended up meeting someone online, after viewing porn etc. and had an affair. I can't even begin to tell you the pain and hurt it caused our family. We have two elementary age children. After spending months in therapy and meeting with the bishop, stake president, he was disfellowshipped. Not excommunicated because it was a one time encounter and he confessed to it himself. His membership was reinstated after a year and after a very difficult time going through the repentence process. I chose not to divorce him as I still really loved him and did not want to do that to my children. I had seen what it had done to my niece and nephew after my sister divorced. I also took those marriage covenants that I made in the temple very seriously and was prepared to do everything to help him and work it out. He still has the urge, but doesn't act on it. I check in with him regularly and he avoids those situations that are tempting. He has no internet access at home. I realize he could look at it elsewhere if he wanted, but I need my home to be a safe place. We really work on the communication. There is a reason why the prophet and the general authorities tell the members not to look at porn. It can be very destructive and desensitizes your mind and spirit. For those that have not had to go through what I have had to go through, it blows my mind that you think that it is o.k. if your spouse looks at this stuff occasionally. Someone doesn't just decide to go out and do something big like this, it is the gradual build up of little things that snowballs. Just ask yourself if it is something that you would do with your parents in the room? with your kids in the room, with the Savior in the room. And even if it isn't addictive at the time, it has the potential to be. I like the idea of the internet support group, I think it would benefit the spouses greatly. I respected my husband enough to not tell anyone about his issues or problems, other then some close family members and the local priesthood authorities that he was working with, and a couple of therapists.