This is so after the fact, so it might not even be applicable. My husband is so good at helping me look at things from another perspective. His mom passed away before we were married and his dad remarried after we were married. So he doesn't have the same relationship with his step mom as he does his real mom. However, whenever I take offense, he always validates or tells me he can see where I'm coming from but he also reminds me that her personality is more abrupt and not as tactful. That she doesn't mean to be upsetting, but can come across as such.
Even with my own family, when my brothers drive me crazy, he agrees that what they said was jerkish, but that they are my brothers, they love me, and that they aren't purposefully trying to hurt me.
It's been a big blessing for me who comes from a "drama" family and him coming from a very mellow family, to understand that whole they get upset at one another, that they remember that they ultimately love each other and so they forgive easily too.
So it's difficult but possible to show understanding to your wife, but still restore the bond, or create a bond between families. Good luck in the future (as I'm sure you've already taken care of this situation).