mom42

I guess it depends on what 'financially set' means... I have to disagree that God would be happy with someone having a child if they couldn't provide necessities for the child. It's one thing if it just happens and wasn't planned but for someone to plan to have a child, regardless of not being able to provide, to me that is being irresponsible. I don't even know why this is being addressed. It's obvious these two are not irresponsible. If they're motivated enough to go to school and work they are not the kind of people who would not beable to provide for their children. I know there are millons of people who are irresponsible and have children and live on welfare and do nothing with their lives, this is not the case, I'm sure. My husband and I are not college educated but we gave our family a good life. We live in a nice home, middleclass neighborhood, our kids dressed nice, they were envolved in sports, dance etc. It wasn't always easy but when there's a will there's a way and I was even a proud stay at home mom. I used my creative talents and did everthing myself. Today my kids are growen and I work a few hours out of the home and I also have my own in home business and make goods that I sell to a store. I have never had any regrets, but I'm speaking for myself of course because this is exactly what I wanted. The most unselfish people have children and choose to be parents. There's very little time to think about yourself. To serve and give of yourself 24/7 changes people in amazing ways. No matter what anyone says having children is the most UNSELFISH thing a person can do because it's never, ever ending. The responsibility is forever. When the time is right for you and your husband do it Tara and happy parenting.

I don't really believe that if you want a baby, you'll get a baby, regardless of other steps you take. I have heard of a couple people getting pregnant when they were on the pill, but most eventually admit that they had missed a pill or two. If it is true that someone gets pregnant without missing a pill, it's EXTREMELY RARE, as the pill is about 98% effective. I guess what I'm saying is, if I wanted to have a baby, and God wanted me to have a baby, and I still kept taking the pill, I'm probably not going to have a baby. Tara, anything is possible for those who have a strong belief in a Loving Heavenly Father. If you feel your father in Heaven wants you to have a baby, he will make it possible. It will never be easy, now or later. Pull up talks from Prophets and apostles on this subject and of course spend time on your knees. Listen to advise from those who understand your religious beliefs, because if your anything like me, my beliefs dictate everything I do in this life. It's who I am. I have NO doubt that our Father in Heaven lives and has a plan and purpose for each of us individually. Sometimes he just wants us to make a decision then go to him, but regardless of what we do he'll guide us. I do know that he is always pleased when a worthy, loving couple chose to have children. You do know that he would never be disappointed if you choose to have children and not yet be finnacally set, that would mean almost all the LDS population let him down. What ever you choose he'll be with you, either way you can do it. Good luck on your decision!

Tara, I think you know what to do, you just want some confirmation that its right. I have never done anything in my life that was more important than being a mother and neither will you. It's the most rewarding and fulfilling thing I've done and has also brought me the most heartache and disappointment. There's always a time and season for everything. You and your husband just need to sit down and talk about your options and then pray about it but never ignore those feeling in your heart it's one of the great gifts of being a women and invaluable gifts needed in being a mother. I've found those feeling are almost ALWAYS right and many times in my life I've ignored them. :)

Thanks so much for the responses. My daughter has her mind set on keeping this baby now no matter what. We've all come to accept that and are actually getting excited for this baby. We're just praying she'll just always make the right decisions for her and this baby and that means not putting up with the father selfishness and irresponsible behavior. She's an amazing girl she deserves better. Momof3 your outcome is just what i imagine for her and she can have just that if she just wont settle. I really feel strongly that she wont settle but I never know anymore what to believe. I'm just trying to have faith! Bro. Dorsey thanks for you words of encouragement. I have to remind myself everyday that through the savoir all things are possible.

Mamacat, thanks. I'll have to check out that movie it sounds inspiring. We (I) need all the help we can get. My life feels like a "Soap Opera", and like a "Soap Opera" the drama gets worse everyday. I want to believe though, that the latest drama may be an answer to MANY prayers. Sometimes things have to get worse before they can get better. God is constantly sending warnings and answers my daughters way and she just chooses to ignore them until she gets slapped in the face but I quess all that matters is that she finally gets it. Her life may be altered once again not for the best, but hopefully can make the best of it. I quess the saying goes..."what doesn't kill us, will make us better" .....or something like that......anyway thanks again so, so, much for your friendship and love it really means alot. Lots of love, Mom42

Mamacat, Thank you so much! Your words of encouragement and support mean so much, I need them because this situation is not good at all and seems to get worse everyday. These two kids come from two differant planets, they aren't and never will be on the same page so I'm constantly at my wits end because I have no say in anything. The only thing that gets me though is the temple, prayer, scriptures and knowing my Heavenly Father is with me so on those days when I feel like the worlds falling in around my family I try to remind myself all things are possible though him......and then I feel peace,..... until the next emotional breakdown, then I start all over. I try to make my moto "I CAN DO THIS" Thanks again for responding, I've been wondering how you're doing cause you haven't responded for a few days. Good luck and hang in there.

Mamacat, you never need to apologize for anything!!! That what this site is for. I'm feeling for you and your fears and concerns for tomorrow. I wish so bad I could be there for you in person, but since I can't I'm with you in spirit. I want you so bad to feel safe and needed and feel that you belong. The gospel is suppose to be just that.... a place to feel safe, safe from the world and critisim and persecution.....but I know somtimes thats not the case. The people are not perfect, I know I probably at times have been one of those people, it's hard to say. ( I hope not though) Just want you to know I'm think about you often, and feel your pain. This afternoon my husband and I went to the temple and I put your name in.... "Mamacat" I figure Heavenly Father knows who you are. lol I'll be waiting to hear how things go. Once again hang in there never give up. Your Father in Heaven will be right beside you.

Mamacat, I just cryed when I read your experiance. I have never heard anything so sad. You are an amazing woman, you inspire me with your faith and determination to live the gopel and not deny the feelings you feel. I KNOW your Heavenly Father is so aware of you and your precious son and I'm sure he's sad that his sons and daughters are treating you this way but your day is coming I'm sure if you can just hang in there. You are going to make an incredible leader some day. You could be the one that could make a differance in someones life because of your faith and this experiance. So many people become inactive because of things just like this. I am so in awe of you, that you keep going. I feel so bad for these people, they have so much to answer for you on the other hand are doing eveything right. As hard as it may be keep smiling at these people, kill them with kindness, you may be the one to change their hearts. Your Heavenly Father will be with you and direct you. Keep a prayer in your heart as you go to these meetings and hopfully soon things will turn around for you. I will be praying for you. KEEP INSPIRING, YOR AMAZING!

I'm so sorry to hear what you're going through. I completly understand what you are feeling. I've been an active member of the church my whole life and I've lived in Provo, Utah in the same ward for fifteen years. (utah my whole life) I was welcomed with open arms the minute we pulledin the drive way. I raised my children in this ward and grew spirtually in this ward then one day they spilt the ward bounderies. We were put in a differant ward, it was hard but I knew I needed to try to make it work. I NEVER in my life have felt so lonely, so sad, so unoticed and unneeded. I was given important callings, but no matter how hard I tryed I felt invisible, I even had one calling where I never got called or was given an assigment. If my neighbor wasn't there I'd sit alone in Relief Society. I cryed often. I had a child (15 years old) who was an outgoing person, liked by everyone. Was popular at school, involved in everything. When they went to this ward they were completly ignored, I know I was in class with them. In the three years we lived there they maybe got a contact three times, and it took a month to get the first one. They later became inactive, and was always a very active child. After three years we moved, Just a few block away in another stake. It was an answer to many prayers. We had more contact in the first month in our new ward that we had the whole three years in that other. We lived here now for a year and I feel like the life in me is coming back. I'm so happy!!! I feel noticed and needed all the time. I too know the gospel is true and don;t know what i'd do without it in my life. If it wasn't for my testimony I don't know what would of happened to me. It's so amazing how you can live in the same neighborhood and be in three differant wards and from one ward to the other the people can be worlds apart. I wish I knew what to tell you, for me starting over and moving(we moved for other reason too)changed my families life, but thats not the always the answer. I hope my experience has made me a better person and more aware of others around me. I say pray alot and keep trying, maybe reach out to other new members. I knew the people in my ward were good people that just didn't know. I pray things will get better for you, don't give up. I'm so sorry to hear what you're going through. I completly understand what you are feeling. I've been an active member of the church my whole life and I've lived in Provo, Utah in the same ward for fifteen years. (utah my whole life) I was welcomed with open arms the minute we pulledin the drive way. I raised my children in this ward and grew spirtually in this ward then one day they spilt the ward bounderies. We were put in a differant ward, it was hard but I knew I needed to try to make it work. I NEVER in my life have felt so lonely, so sad, so unoticed and unneeded. I was given important callings, but no matter how hard I tryed I felt invisible, I even had one calling where I never got called or was given an assigment. If my neighbor wasn't there I'd sit alone in Relief Society. I cryed often. I had a child (15 years old) who was an outgoing person, liked by everyone. Was popular at school, involved in everything. When they went to this ward they were completly ignored, I know I was in class with them. In the three years we lived there they maybe got a contact three times, and it took a month to get the first one. They later became inactive, and was always a very active child. After three years we moved, Just a few block away in another stake. It was an answer to many prayers. We had more contact in the first month in our new ward that we had the whole three years in that other. We lived here now for a year and I feel like the life in me is coming back. I'm so happy!!! I feel noticed and needed all the time. I too know the gospel is true and don;t know what i'd do without it in my life. If it wasn't for my testimony I don't know what would of happened to me. It's so amazing how you can live in the same neighborhood and be in three differant wards and from one ward to the other the people can be worlds apart. I wish I knew what to tell you, for me starting over and moving(we moved for other reason too)changed my families life, but thats not the always the answer. I hope my experience has made me a better person and more aware of others around me. I say pray alot and keep trying, maybe reach out to other new members. I knew the people in my ward were good people that just didn't know. I pray things will get better for you, don't give up.

Thank you so much for your comments, I really just need to hear others experiences it helps give me hope. I know i'm not alone but helps to hear it from others. It helps to have a couple comments without advise, that I don't need, there's nothing that we haven't covered over and over and over and we'll probably go over again. Your words of encouragement mean alot. Thanks

Thanks jason, I totaly agree this is a about selfishness especially on his part, her to, but shes not a contentious person and wouldn't do anything to hurt him so I think she worries more about him than the baby. She's convinced herself that she has a loving supportive family that will love and set good examples for this baby and that it will be okay. She's right she has all that but we still can't keep this baby completly away from this father and his life. She always see the good in others and just wants to see the good in this father. I know this is so hard for her that she trys to ignore the obvious and in the end its the baby that sufers the most. She will always show love and respect for this man for the sake of this baby. She is an amazing girl. I just have to keep PRAYING!!!

Thanks for everyones coments and suggestions but we've done it all taked to the bishop she spends time with the Relief Society Pres. (this wards great) we go to LDS services monthly. We've gone over ALL the aspects of adoption, single parenting ect. If this boy wasn't in the picture she would of done adoption from the begining she always knew that was the best thing for this baby and this SHOULD be about whats best for this baby. This baby is innocent and is intitled to a family, two parents that are married and love each other. This father wouldn't even consider adoption. He had an unhappy life was abandoned by his parents has had no positive male roll models in his life and has no clue as to be a parent. She cares about him and his feelings and feels bad for him. He wants somthing to love but it's about him not whats best for the baby. Hes from another race and culture and they don't see eye to eye on anything and he associates in a world that sooooo far from the gospel that it's scary..... need I say more. There's so much to this situation that would leave anyone reading this feeling speachless, I can't even write it all, and no one would be saying I was selfish,so far from that I'm a mother who's spent her life devoted to my family and I love my children more than life and I'd would do anything if I could to make there life better. These two are making decisions for themselves not for this baby. Not a day goes by that I don't "count my blessing" always have and always will. I've always been told to not compare your trials to others trials. Mine may seem small compared to some but there BIG to me cause there as big as I had but like I said they help me and my family grow...would I give this one back, in a heartbeat....can we do this, yes because we have a loving Heavenly Father whos always there for us. I don't need advise, we've covered eveything, just like to talk to other mothers (parents) that know what I'm feeling.

I'm new to this sight and hope I know what i'm doing. I was just looking for someone who might be going through or have gone though what i'm going through. I have a 19 year old daughter who is pregnant. This has been the hardest thing I've ever been though. I have three children and she's my youngest and my only daughter. We have always been very close. She was a girl that had everything going for her and some how got caught up hanging out in the wrong places with the wrong kind of people and is now having a baby with a boy she hardly knows that comes from a COMPLETELY differant world than her. She knows all of this and knows he is not at all what she would choose but she says she keeping this baby even though this baby will have to grow up knowing his fathers life. She knows this baby will probably never be part of an eternal family cause this boy will never allow anyone to adopt this baby. I could go on and on this situation is sooo complicated. This has though brought me closer to my Heavenly Father. I KNOW He has been carrying me through this. At first the hardest was that planning and preparing my sweet daughter for her wedding day seeing her in the temple knowing she saved herself for this special person for just this day, won't be happening the way I had dreamed. I know that can still happen it's just taken an alternative course and I do know thats what she wants. I'm sure this is going to change her life, I'm just scared for what her furture and ours has to bring. Our lives have been to easy, and I quess I wanted it to stay that way!