Estranged

If the consequences of those actions result in a person's being forbidden to receive Christ's blessings, that would seem to indicate that the Atonement is not universal. I've stopped the sin. I've repented for the sin. The Holy Ghost has witnessed forgiveness to me. The only thing in the way is the Church. Sigh. I need some sleep...

I get it. It's all my fault. The Atonement doesn't apply to me because I've made too many mistakes. Is that what you're saying? ETA: By the way, I fully accept that I am in my situation because of the poor choices I have made. I do not deny that, and do not blame anyone else. But my question still stands. Does the Atonement have limitations?

Hm. My apologies beforehand... I have a few problems with this. Most importantly, you are assuming (based on what facts, I have no idea) that I am using marijuana as a substitution for alcohol. I raised this concern to my doctor (you know, the licensed medical professional who wrote me a legal prescription), as the last thing I wanted was to be free of one chain only to be shackled by another. Marijuana is nothing like alcohol, and does not work on the brain in the same way. I suppose I'm a little insulted by your insinuation. I spent more time and effort than few here can appreciate trying to rid myself of addiction, and yet here I stand accused of it by someone I have come to for help and advice. This is the kind of thing that has kept me away from the church for so long. I come for counsel and I get judgment. I didn't ask for marijuana. It was prescribed. If my history of addiction could be a potential problem, it wouldn't have happened. I dunno man. If I have to go through life totally miserable because my church won't let me take the medicine prescribed by my doctor (or worse yet, go through life a liar)... ...that doesn't exactly make me want to go to church. When did you guys turn into Christian Scientists? I knew this was a bad idea...

Thanks, I can definitely relate to that one. Anything else you've got, send my way. I'm spending the weekend recovering from a procedure on my wrist, so I've got all the time in the world. :) That goes for anyone else, too. I'm like a sponge this weekend.

Thank you. I have no intention of making waves. I just want to make sure I do it right, you know? I'll most likely keep my medical information private until (and if) asked, and of course would never let any young people know what is going on. I wouldn't do that even if taking more "legitimate" medication. In my opinion, pharmaceutical drugs are some the worst things for you. But I digress...

I figured it was largely a subjective determination on whether the treatment was appropriate or not. I'm debating even volunteering the information at all, however if asked I will be truthful and stay the course (should I decide to pursue the course). As for getting the devil's attention... there's not much I can do about that but pray. It's called "the dark night of the soul" in some other religious traditions, a settling of cosmic debt. I've endured it once before, so I'm somewhat prepared. I will have to stay vigilant as it will never be easy.

Thank you for the references. I just read Alma 34 again. It's amazing how the Book of Mormon gives you exactly what you need to hear exactly when you need to hear it. It's uncanny. Like no other text. I'll watch the video and check out the book later this afternoon. :) This time around I'm sticking to studying classical music theory (imagine that) instead of just focusing on writing catchy tunes and melodies. I've found that playing music for it's own sake, rather than for the foolish goals of fame and fortune, is vastly more enjoyable and fulfilling. You know any hymns that would sound good transposed on guitar? Thanks again.

I can’t believe I didn’t find this forum years ago. Sure wish I had. Anyway, what follows is part personal history, part confessional, part testimony, and part questionnaire. I hope I don’t break any T&Cs in my first post. Here goes: I’m strongly considering going back to church. I was born and raised in the LDS Church until the age of 11 (or thereabouts--I’m 36 now), when my parents, both converts of several years prior to my birth, decided to leave the church for reasons that I suppose are typical: being offended by self-righteous members, seeing Jack Mormons (and worse) in the temple, that sort of thing. I’m sure most of you have heard that tune before. I remember them telling me that just because they weren’t going to church anymore didn’t mean that I had to stop too. In fact, they even said they would be my “Sunday chauffeurs” if I wanted to go. Their reasons for leaving are theirs and I respect that, just as they would have respected any decision I made (or make now). I love my parents deeply (my father passed several years ago) and that will never change, regardless of my religion. Now, as a youth I had never been that interested in attending church in the first place. I would go through intermittent phases of interest and disinterest, although I generally resisted my parents’ insistence on Sunday attendance and sometimes resented the sanctity of the Sabbath (“But all the kids at school can!”). But, speaking of school, I felt the same way about it—didn’t want to go. It wouldn’t be a stretch to say that I have some issues with institutional authority… which could potentially be a big problem should I decide to go back to church. It’s just the way I am. I’m always seeking, and do indeed value, wise counsel, but when it ceases being counsel and becomes ultimatum… well, you get the drift. Having said that, my memories of experiences in the church are generally positive, in retrospect. This is going to be a long thread, and it will be even longer if I don’t fast forward a few years. I feel like I have to get as much out as possible. My senior year of college (2001) I decided to investigate the church for myself--not dissimilar to what I’m doing right now except for the means of communication. The internet was only just on the cusp of exploding into what it is today, so I did what any investigator would do and called on the missionaries. We never started the formal discussions, just had some general talks and I attended a few meetings. Long story short, I decided it just wasn’t “a good fit for me at the time”. I was a rebellious 23-year-old musician attending a PAC-10 (at the time) school… of somewhat ill-repute. I’ll give you a few guesses where my misplaced priorities lay and what bad habits I picked up along the way. Not to stereotype, but hey. My son was born several months after this experience. I have never been married. My inability to cope with the reality of a situation I knew I had royally screwed up (among many other factors, but this one is big) led to a massive guilt complex and the kind of drinking problem that most people either never come back from or die trying to. I have always met my legal obligations in this regard, however my relationship with my son has never been what it could have and should have been (nor is it now, albeit vastly improved). In the years that followed I worked as a semi-professional musician, then held a respectable position at a small bank for several years… until my alcoholism became too intense to conceal anymore. My relationships fell apart, my absenteeism soared, and in an economy of collapsing banks it wasn’t hard for them to let me go.That was 2011, and my chronic unemployment only made my chronic alcoholism that much worse. There was no work to occupy my time, so the nightly drinking thus became constant. It just took me over completely. I truly believe that I should be dead several times over, or at the very least in prison. Some of you may not know what a “fifth” (750mL) of rum is, but for those that do, by the time I had quit drinking I was up to a fifth-and-a-half a day. Every day. My internal organs were conspiring against me and my nervous system was starting to shut down. When I would try to quit on my own, I had the whole nightmare going—pink spiders and all. Alcohol withdrawal syndrome is Hell on Earth (to speak nothing of what I put others through), and the Word of Wisdom is no joke, my friends. Of that I can testify without reservation. Then, one night, I prayed for help. I was “told” to go to AA. So I did, and haven’t had a drink since. Only this time, there were no DTs, no night terrors, no seizures. Gee, I wonder why. God does make our burdens light, or at least bearable, if we but ask Him and do our part as well. I do still have some lingering-but-quite-manageable neurological quirks (headaches and the like), but it would be simply unreasonable to expect to come out of an experience like that unscathed. It took me another three years to quit smoking, although I hesitate to say “quit” as it has only been six months now. But it’s a start, right? As for now, I’m underemployed in a job I could care less for at this point. It has served its purpose of keeping me sober through the early years of my recovery (I should note that, after praying and quitting drinking, I finally received a job offer the next day after over a year of looking—I took the gig), so for that I am grateful. But it’s time to move on. And it’s also time to move on to the next step spiritually. I have always been, philosophically (but not in practice, obviously), a spiritually-minded person. There are few around me these days who share these feelings. Suffice it to say, I feel I need a community of like-minded people to make anything stick… …which brings me to my first question: 1) Is it wrong to want to go to church for camaraderie and edification? In other words, if these things are priorities, are my priorities misaligned? Should not my devotion to Christ be my sole motivation? My testimony of Jesus Christ as my personal Lord and Savior is a bit shaky. I’m not sure that my conception of Him is what is required for membership in the church. I understand the symbolism behind the atonement (some of it anyway, I think) but I just don’t get how it could have been a literal, effective sacrifice. Or why God would require this of Him, or if He wasn’t required, why He would volunteer. I just don’t fully understand the atonement and I never have. This is one of the things I need to talk to you all about, whoever is willing. There are several reasons I went into all that stuff about my alcoholism, one of which was just to get it out there for you all, and another was leading up to this concern: As I said, I do have some lingering effects of the damage I’ve done to my body. The only effective treatment I’ve found for these symptoms is… well, let’s just say it was only recently made legal for medicinal purposes in my state. I know some of you are probably rolling your eyes at this point and thinking I’ve wasted your time with my long-winded thread. But it’s the truth, so: 2) Not being specifically prohibited by the Word of Wisdom, and no longer in conflict with the 12th Article of Faith due to its legality (the federal government just recently, and quietly, passed a measure whereby they will no longer interfere with state laws regarding prohibition or lack thereof), can I use this medicine and still be in good standing with the church (i.e., hold a Temple Recommend)? I’m not trying to bait anyone. I am truly sincere when I ask this, and it greatly concerns me. I’ve read on some other sites that it really just depends on who your bishop and stake president are, and whether they’ll personally allow it or not. I cannot, and will not lie to anyone about this, least of all my potential bishop. If he is a hardliner, and will not allow it, it’s going to be a big problem—it is the only thing that alleviates the symptoms I have, whether anyone chooses to believe that or not. It does not negatively affect any aspect of my life in any way. My relationships with the few people I still have relationships with are 1000% improved. I suppose it does still limit job opportunities, although that is rapidly changing as well, and it’s something I can deal with—I’ll figure it out. Anyway (deep breath), that’s another one I need to chat about. 3) Do I have to believe in the Book of Mormon as literal history? I do, paradoxically, have a testimony of the truths and lessons contained in the Book of Mormon, although I do not believe it is meant to be taken entirely literally, similar to the early books of the Old Testament. The Book of Mormon is actually my favorite and most valued religious text (and I’ve studied many of them across various religious traditions). In many ways I believe it is actually a prophecy for what is happening to our society on this continent right now. Question 3 can also be applied to the books contained in the Pearl of Great Price. I just don’t know. Those are really the Big Three questions/concerns I have—the things I need to talk about if anyone has the time and the inclination. The typical criticisms one hears of the church, its past and present leaders, and its history really don’t concern me as much as detractors would like them to. And believe me I’ve heard them all, and studied them all. There’s no need to bring them up here, although I’m sure at some point I’ll want to discuss some of them. Most of are either fabrications, distortions, or completely irrelevant to my spiritual development. To anyone who has read through all of this, thank you. I’ve tried to articulate my feelings as best I can for being up all night (I had surgery yesterday, nothing serious, and spent most of the day recovering from the anesthesia; hence, up all night). I would like to extend my sincere condolences to the moderator who has to read through and approve/reject my first post… if I’ve even put it in the right forum. But I’ve written enough. Thank you all for your time, and may the Lord bless you. All of your thoughts and prayers are invaluable. -Estranged