Convert2009

I found out today that there is an ARP Fireside the night of the Provo City Center Temple dedication. I believe Heavenly Father knew how very sorrowful I've been about not being allowed to go to the dedication meetings and much I wanted to go to Church that day to feel the Spirit. I believe He wanted me to know that He hears me. He knows me. He has NOT forgotten me. And that He loves me. For this I am truly grateful to have a Heavenly Father, who is there for me.

I can relate to this sister's husband. I'm currently disfellowshipped, struggle with major depression, suicidal ideation periodically, and I'm on a pharmacy full of medications for depression, anxiety, mood swings, and sleep aids. I also regularly see a therapist and psychiatrist, who are both LDS, so their methods in working with me centers around the Gospel, and the Savior, and His Atonement. There's a really good book he may want to read. It's called "Forgiving Ourselves When We Let Ourselves Down" by Wendy Ulrich. Some things there I have found helpful. She says we can't mover on in life until we give up all hope of having a better past. I relate to the husband's disdain for the Church. It often feels like you are useless because you've basically been reduced to someone who can't participate in Church or anything as rewarding such as hometeaching. It's easy to feel like the Church is trying to push you out when you are lower than 12-year-old deacons, who can use a priesthood you aren't allowed to. But this husband must also take responsibility for his sins and turn to the Savior and lean on Him. Believe it or not, self-pity and self-loathing behaviors and feeling are a form of pride. Most people think of being arrogant and snobby as having pride and vanity, but that it only one ofor pride's many forms. Think about it. People, who are negative (and I still struggle with it), rip themselves and despise their situation. They see the bad things in life looking for evidence to justify their negative feelings. Even when God puts something squarely in front of them to lift them up, they will seek to dismiss it. Heavenly Father wants us to love ourselves and be kind to ourselves. Self-pity and ranting on about how bad life is for you is a prideful demon that needs to be abolished. It is vain to say, "Look at me. My life sucks and is tougher than yours" or "I'm a bad person, who isn't worthy of God's love," which essentially undermines Heavenly Father's view of us as if we know more about ourselves than God. That concept is proud. I'm not saying he should be lectured and have Gospel principles thrown at him. He'll feel worse then. All we can do is continue to show love to those, who struggle with negativity. God wouldn't sit and listen to us complain about ourselves or our lives, and neither should anyone else. He will have to learn to love himself and truly humble himself turning over all forms of pride over to the Savior. He can find a real positive peace when he can fall to his knees and say to God, "I'm done with all of these exhaustive negative emotions. I turn all of it and my life over to thee. Please, use me, oh Lord, that I may find worth in myself in service to thy kingdom despite my limitations. I have something to offer. Help me, Lord, to know what it is and that I may have opportunities to be used in thy service." Engaging in community service, family history, random acts of kindness seeking nothing in return--these are just a few things that have helped me to feel like I have something to give. Consequently, I'm going to start providing the bread for Sacrament meetings. We are disfellowshipped. When it comes to Sacrament, we can't pass. We can't partake. But we can provide. Anyhow, those are my thoughts on this.

Thanks everyone for the suggestions. The second counselor in my bishopric (my age) is now having me over for the day. He said he was skipping the temple dedication services to help me not feel excluded. He knew how much I looked forward to going to that dedication. He wants to make sure I'm safe that day.

Maybe I just don't know how to cope and need to feel included with others. Therapy, ARP, being divorced, disfellowshipped, and middle-aged in the heart of Provo within the shadows of BYU is a very depressing living situation. I can't move because of my job, and housing in that area is expensive to people who aren't BYU students.

I was disfellowshipped in October, so my participation in Church is limited. I don't blame God or the Church for me being in this situation. I'm not demanding a Sacrament meeting for non-temple worthy members on a temple dedication day. I just thought it would be spiritually uplifting to be in a support group at an unused meeting house, so we can have a Gospel lesson at a spiritual place. That's all I was saying.

I'm really struggling because the Church is going to be dedicating Provo City Center Temple in two months. And, now, it'll be the third time since moving to Provo that I'm going to be shut out from church services on a Sunday. Anyone know if the Church leadership has addressed issues like this for members who aren't worthy to go to the temple and find themselves not allowed to be in a Sunday service with their peers and fellow ward members who are temple-worthy. When Brigham City Temple was dedicated, I just felt like the Lord was telling me to go home, and I was not welcomed to His meetinghouses on that Sabbath Day. It really hurts feeling shut out by the Church like that.

Does anyone know who has the authority to restore blessings? I was disfellowshipped two and a half months ago, and I am still in the grieving process mainly because of the hurt I caused the Lord and the blessings I lost as a result. To make matters worse, I had premarital sex with my fiance a couple of weeks ago WHILE serving this sentence of being disfellowshipped. I'm not being excommunicated, but a second disciplinary council could be called and my disfellowshipped period extended out much longer than the one-year minimum. Alot of questions I have now will relate to disfellowshipped members. I hope I can have fears alleviated in knowing more about the disfellowshipped member's standing with the Church and with God. I hope answers here will serve to help me trust in the Lord more. Thank you for allowing me to post.

Currently living in Utah. Joined the site mainly because I often have questions that seem to go unanswered by talks, the scriptures, or other Church sources. I've skimmed some messages and found the knowledge and understanding to be promising for my questions, so I joined. Thank you for allowing me to participate.