Megs132

I mentioned to the FRG leader him saying he would be lucky not to kill an afghani national because of the anger I gave him. She didn't seem too concerned. She just said he was lashing out at me due to stress. Even if they did a psych evaluation, I'm sure he would be fine. He has told me before that he knows exactly what they want him to say. Before he left he was angry at everyone and everything, right down to him not liking the way I shut the fridge. It was tiring. If there wasn't a problem he created a reason to be mad. A year ago, when he spent a month at schooling, he decided out of the blue that he was mad at me again for something I had said quite some time ago,that I had already apologized for. He spent the remainder of the month being mad. I was completely baffled. He pulled the same thing this time. He mentioned something I said a couple years ago and said how he decided he was still upset about it. Bottom line... I do think there is something wrong but he will never admit it or seek help.

I spoke with my bishop today. It was not an easy thing to do. He said that he had been wondering for awhile...but since I am such a private person, he didn't want to pry. He was very supportive and gave me a blessing before I left. I contacted military one source and got the ball rolling on counseling. I have thought long and hard about the fact he doesn't seem to have an interest in having myself or the children in his future. And as much as it pains me... if there isn't change on his part, I don't have a desire to be a part of it either. So, I have been coming up with a backup plan and preparing for a nasty battle if it comes down to it. I do hate that I feel like I will be spending the next 7 months in limbo. Waiting to see how things are going to be when he returns. But I guess right now all I can do is focus on myself and the kids. Hope for the best but prepare for the worst.

So true. I have been doing them off and on. I know I need to be better.

Thank you for your kind words and advice. I agree that my husband lacks the ability to switch between military and home life. It has concerned me greatly for some time and I haven't been sure what to do about. He was rarely going to church because he was angry about them not understanding his job and asking him to serve in callings he didn't feel he had time for. We have only one other family that is prior military. The wife is very active and the husband to the extent that his job allows him. As far as hometeaching goes... well it just doesn't really happen in our ward. We have been home taught twice in the 4 years we have lived here. I will mention it to the bishop when I meet with him though. My husband is the unit commander. So I contacted the FRG leader over 6 weeks ago. It took her 4 weeks to track down the chaplain. It's been over 2 weeks since then and I haven't heard a word since. I am worried that if the chaplain pays him a courtesy visit he will suspect I had something to do with it and come unglued yet again on me. I have spoke with his dad on the issue. I wanted him to be aware of what was going on but I didn't expect any good advice.My husband comes from a broken home. His dad used to leave his mom alone with 4 kids without any contact for up to a month, while he drove truck. Eventually, his mom had an affair. They divorced and his dad didn't have much to do with the kids until they became adults. My father in law really had nothing to say except he must be stressed and he didn't know what his problem was. I just recently confided in my mom about what was going on. I know it hurts her deeply not only for me but for the kids. She is so worried they are going to grow up desperate for their fathers approval or turn around and do this to their children. She also recommended I speak with my bishop. Which I guess will be the next step.

I have been married 9 years. We have 4 young children. The first few years of our marriage were hard. My husband decided he didn't want a family. I begged him to reconsider for mine and the kids sake (new baby and toddler). We stuck it out, got sealed, and had 2 more kids. Things were good. My husband is a police officer on the civilian side, an MP in the army reserves, and a volunteer fire fighter. This means 90% of the parenting is on me because he is rarely around. About a year and a half ago he began preparing to deploy. He became extremely angry all the time. He has always had a temper but never to this level. The kids would make comments about being glad when he was gone because he was so mean to me and yelled all the time. When I mentioned this to him he said well I guess you shouldn't nag and b**** so much and I wouldn't have to. The little free time he did have before he left was spent on little trips for himself or off doing his hobbies. When I mentioned it hurt me that he didn't want to spend time with the family he asked me why he would want to spend time with me. Who would? He quit working his civilian job about a month and a half before he left. Things got a lot better. There wasn't fighting and we were able to spend time as a family. Things were good until about about a month of him being overseas. He became angry with me over nothing. He would then say it was my fault because he didn't like my attitude. He wrote me a bunch of nasty, profanity filled emails. He told me to get over myself. He would always choose his soldiers over me. That he couldn't forgive me for how bad I had made things before he left. The damage was done. He was sick of waiting for me to change. He didn't want to be with me. I gave him so much anger that he would be lucky if he didn't kill an afghani national just for looking at him wrong. He called me 2 nights ago in the middle if the night. This was the first phone call in over 2 months. He preceded to cuss me out. Blame all of our problems on me. Said he didn't want to be with me. Why would he. Told me he didn't need to be there for me. To get a dog. I had $ in the bank so quit acting like I had a hard life. He said he didn't have any desire to talk to me again. He didn't want to hear from me the rest of the deployment. Take care of the house and kids. He wanted nothing from me. When he got back he was heading to the mountains with a military friend and he didn't know what he wanted as far as me and the kids. I am devasted. I don't know how someone who is supposed to love me can treat me as if I don't matter at all. I'm sad for my kids. He has had no contact with them in 4 months now. I am angry that our family can be optional to him. I am angry with him for being so careless with the one thing that means so much to me. I honestly don't know at this point that I even have a desire to try and make things work when he gets back. He has no interest in making things better. In his eyes I am the entire problem. I am tired of being told I'm not enough, and never will be. I am tired of being told I'm not worth the effort. I'm tired of all the hurtful things that have been said that I cant forgot.... but on the same side I feel guilty. What will it do to my kids if I just give up. I don't want a broken home for them. I just don't know what to do.