I have been married 9 years. We have 4 young children. The first few years of our marriage were hard. My husband decided he didn't want a family. I begged him to reconsider for mine and the kids sake (new baby and toddler). We stuck it out, got sealed, and had 2 more kids. Things were good.
My husband is a police officer on the civilian side, an MP in the army reserves, and a volunteer fire fighter. This means 90% of the parenting is on me because he is rarely around. About a year and a half ago he began preparing to deploy. He became extremely angry all the time. He has always had a temper but never to this level. The kids would make comments about being glad when he was gone because he was so mean to me and yelled all the time. When I mentioned this to him he said well I guess you shouldn't nag and b**** so much and I wouldn't have to.
The little free time he did have before he left was spent on little trips for himself or off doing his hobbies. When I mentioned it hurt me that he didn't want to spend time with the family he asked me why he would want to spend time with me. Who would?
He quit working his civilian job about a month and a half before he left. Things got a lot better. There wasn't fighting and we were able to spend time as a family. Things were good until about about a month of him being overseas. He became angry with me over nothing. He would then say it was my fault because he didn't like my attitude. He wrote me a bunch of nasty, profanity filled emails. He told me to get over myself. He would always choose his soldiers over me. That he couldn't forgive me for how bad I had made things before he left. The damage was done. He was sick of waiting for me to change. He didn't want to be with me. I gave him so much anger that he would be lucky if he didn't kill an afghani national just for looking at him wrong.
He called me 2 nights ago in the middle if the night. This was the first phone call in over 2 months. He preceded to cuss me out. Blame all of our problems on me. Said he didn't want to be with me. Why would he. Told me he didn't need to be there for me. To get a dog. I had $ in the bank so quit acting like I had a hard life. He said he didn't have any desire to talk to me again. He didn't want to hear from me the rest of the deployment. Take care of the house and kids. He wanted nothing from me. When he got back he was heading to the mountains with a military friend and he didn't know what he wanted as far as me and the kids.
I am devasted. I don't know how someone who is supposed to love me can treat me as if I don't matter at all. I'm sad for my kids. He has had no contact with them in 4 months now. I am angry that our family can be optional to him. I am angry with him for being so careless with the one thing that means so much to me. I honestly don't know at this point that I even have a desire to try and make things work when he gets back. He has no interest in making things better. In his eyes I am the entire problem. I am tired of being told I'm not enough, and never will be. I am tired of being told I'm not worth the effort. I'm tired of all the hurtful things that have been said that I cant forgot.... but on the same side I feel guilty. What will it do to my kids if I just give up. I don't want a broken home for them. I just don't know what to do.