AMom31

So when I stopped therapy it was a group for the wives of sex addicts. I stopped because I didn't feel like the therapy was moving me forward and honestly couldn't handle all the wallowing from the other wives. So I stopped while he continued. Little did I know that while he was in therapy he was continuing his addiction. He has since told me that he thought, "well, therapy clearly isn't helping and I've fallen so far that I might as well stop." So he gave me some excuse and I didn't fight him on it. I didn't fight him on a lot of things. I never said anything when I felt him being distant. But he never said anything when he felt I was being neglectful to his needs. We have talked a lot. Probably more than we have in a long time. We are being 100% honest with each other. I know he feels lost and abandoned by God and the gospel, having had this addiction since he was 12. It makes me sad for him, that he feels that way. No more kids. We had already decided that.

I have been married for 9 years. My husband and I are both born and raised LDS. Five years ago he revealed to me that he has suffered from a pornography addiction since the age of 12. At the moment of his reveal, he also told me he, while on a business trip, had slept with an escorts and been going to strip clubs for about a year. He was disfellowshipped. We went to therapy and did some addiction recover for about 2 years. However, we both stopped. He gave me some accuses. I stopped for financial reasons. Over time our marriage started to fall apart. We started drifting farther and farther from each other. I started wondering if he was back into his addiction, but I've always had a hard time with communication, and was too afraid to ask. After my 3rd kid was born it was as though I had no energy left for him and his needs and our marriage. We really started to pull away from each other. Little did I know that a year ago, a year after #3 was born my husband met someone else. His addiction never really left. Just before he was refellowshipped he had slept with an escort. After that his addiction really took over and he was back at strip clubs. That is where he met her, a dancer at a club. Over the last year they have been on every business trip he went on, some he made up to go with her. Places he hasn't even taken me. Overnight getaways, gifts, restaurants. He had an emotional and physical affair with her while I sat at home with our kids. A month ago she ended things with him and that is why he confessed everything to me. We are going to try a trial seperation next month. He says he is trying to figure everything out in his head. He has not been ex-communicated yet, but it should be soon. I am afraid that while he is away he will love it. Not miss us at all. That his love for me has dwindled so much he won't care that we are not in the same house. But also, I am afraid that he doesn't understand the pain I am in from the betrayal. That separating is the only way for me to show him I am hurt. I have been so kind through all of this. Not screaming, breaking things or trying to hurt him-it's just not who I am. I still love him, though. I think I still want to stay married to him. But only if he is committed to fixing his life, his addiction, us. However, I know he doesn't love me like he used to. I see it in his eyes. I feel it and it makes me so sad. I'm angry that he could do this to me, have and desire someone else. I know that the affair stems from his pornography addiction, so that makes me want to stay and help him. But his faith in the gospel and the atonement is almost completely gone. I just don't know what to do. Has anyone gone through something like this and made it out together and better or is it bound to be that we will get divorced?