Thank you everyone for your thoughts and advice. I meant to edit my question earlier but accidentally deleted it and with two kids on my lap and needing me I gave up:) My original post was pretty self centered I realized. In trying to sum up I think I made it sound like I'm insensitive to his situation or to others who do have it worse. I am so very thankful to be with someone who is so kind and good. I guess my real concern is this- I made an immature, wreck less decision when I was 19 years old. I've stayed because I do honor the covenants I've made and don't want my kids to suffer, my husband or me for that matter. I am hung up on that feeling I got in the temple. Usually when we don't listen to a prompting it doesn't have eternal consequences- though sometimes it does. So how do I repent for this? Divorce doesn't seem like a way to fix it. Staying logically makes me think I've not only sinned against the prompting but that I've short changed my husband and maybe even spouses that we should have had? I worry that I've done something unfixable and though I've prayed for a lot of years for peace and guidance, in this one place in my life, I've not received it. As for having children- of course I did. I've been trying for a long time to live the gospel anyway, to honor my covenants and give my husband the life and family he deserves. I'm struggling inside- I've tried to talk to him about this but as I said he cannot have a conversation with me about really anything that would require him to be emotionless honest or logical or thoughtful in a way that makes sense to me- let alone this. He always wants to please me to the point I feel like I can't reach him at all. I really appreciated the comments about aspergers and I've had that thought for a long time. When we first were married I called everyone- counselors, speech therapists, doctors even chiropractors. No one ever came to that conclusion- though I did just have phone calls with them on the effort to figure out who we needed to see. I guess, and this probably sounds ridiculous but it's just where I am in my head, that if I knew God was ok with our marriage that I could maybe work harder, look at the eternal perspective more often. But when I try to do that now I just get scared that I've messed everything up for everyone. I'm just lost with this and don't know how to make it right.