docjohn

no, I don't think the statement was cognitive dissonance; I experienced cognitive dissonance (contradictory beliefs) because my original beliefs about JS were so different; I didn't know what to do with all the new information about him (or BY); I only heard great things about him growing up. It's like buying a new vehicle, expecting all these great benefits and finding post-purchase experiences to be very disappointing.

I like some of the changes in church culture - based on my readings and following LDS.org, it's much more Christ-centered; less about JS based on my experiences. I think the JS Papers and the Essays were much needed. They would have prevented the shock effect for me; learning about JS and polyandry from the church would have been seen in a more favorable light than learning about it through historians. I never agreed with BK Packer's view of keeping history from members. I see JS as having a weakness for women - the old testament had a profound influence on him as well - but I also see him as very spiritual and inspired. What he compiled, even if he borrowed some or much of it is from other sources (e.g., the Bible) or other books, leads people to live well and do good. I had this picture (fantasy/magical view) of this perfect guy who only did what God directed him to do. I see him much differently now - just as human and imperfect as us, maybe more so, but God still used him for His purposes. That also tells me God must be more merciful than I thought because the history is quite clear about many of his bad behaviors, including ad hominem attacks on women who did not comply with his wishes (proposals) or who made them known against his wishes. That's the only way I know to deal with the cognitive dissonance - he was a sinner and a saint.

Wow, thank you sooooo much for all the answers. You have no idea how much this helps me to feel like I'm not insane or just some rebel God blessed me with a good mind and it's hard to just ignore new information - that's why I really wish the senior leaders would just come out and give answers like this....it would help members, former members, and those earnestly seeking truth to engage in honest dialogue and feel at peace. Just the respectful process alone is validating and encouraging. I'm so glad I found this site. Some awesome people on here for sure. No judging, just honest answers; that's all I'm looking for. I think the missionaries might benefit by some deeper training in this new era of the Internet. They probably get frustrated with people like me who ask so many questions. Maybe even a separate unit of missionaries with special training. The old testament is very hard to understand - I think Brigham and Joseph both loved the new testament and borrowed many ideas from there (e.g., temples).

That makes sense - which is why leaders need to know all the scriptures and look at the larger picture over time and space - and not subjugate to senior leaders for the sake of approval. Truth and Christ's views must guide the church, not the other way around - I've watched this happen in the past; no thinking, just accept everything. I'm learning the importance of a personal relationship with God, which is spiritual maturity. I also see the need for help from people, in and out of the church, as we struggle to learn and grow. If God wanted to just give us everything and make life easy He would have designed it that way; but we have to learn to trust, fail, get up, see what brings us closer to our 'true self'.

I'm new to this forum. I left the church about 12 years ago and have missed many things. My primary desire is to have a relationship with Christ and use my talents to help my fellow man. I've been inwardly conflicted for a long time about some aspects of church history that cause great mental and emotional pain - for example, can anyone help me to settle the conflict between trusting in the divine heritage of the church and leader's (big) mistakes? Pres. Uchdorft referred to mistakes in our history, without naming them, but I believe he meant things like Brigham Young's blood atonement teaching - this bothers me to my soul as it totally defies all that current leaders teach as well as the power of our Lord Jesus Christ - it angers me in fact. The only way I can align my 'mental map' with this new territory (reality) is to include both the divine heritage AND that leaders do make mistakes - if I do this, however, I need to leave room in my mind for mistakes in the present as well and learn to use the church as a vehicle only - not rely on anyone's work 100% - just learn to trust my heart and conscience. I am seriously considering rejoining the church but the missionaries (online) have no clue how to answer me - and it's so easy in our digital world to label, generalize attributes, and minimize people (e.g., he's 'anti') - which is so hurtful because I'm sincere and have always loved the Lord. Any perspectives would be greatly appreciated!