Fheogleshon

I've been married for 14 years. My husband is not a member of the church, although he attends Sacrament Meeting with me and our two adolescent children. At some point I believe I really did love my husband and try to make the best of our life together, but over the years I have come to believe he is emotionally abusive. I have threatened divorce more than once, the last time prior to our moving to a new state for his job three years ago. Incidentally, it takes 12 months to get a divorce in this state, which I think is absurd because it puts an unbelievable burden on women, who generally earn less or have no paying career (my case), to provide another residence. I've talked my situation over with three different bishops, but I could never bite the bullet. The reason I don't want advice is that unless you are going through a situation like this you have no idea of the anxiety and stress that you feel about pulling the trigger on divorce, knowing how it will upset your life in every possible way, understanding that your financial situation will never be the same and may even be dire. I read a similar post from September and there was only advice and telling people what to do instead of empathy. Women like me need a ear to hear, not a mouth to tell us what to do. It seems my resentment of my marriage and distaste is cyclic. I can take his garbage for so long and then I just can't stand it. Usually when I get to that point I either talk to the bishop, visit my family, have a renewed since of "I can make this work" or "I can see this through." Lately it has been, "I can make it until the kids get out of high school." But it is getting to the point where I am unsure I can do that anymore. What brought me to look around tonight was another case of getting the blame for something my husband failed at, albeit it was a minor inconvenience. I gave him verbal and then written (a map) directions to pick up our kids from a fireside. I asked him last minute to do this--which, because he is a pilot accustomed to careful planning, he despises--because I felt the need to help out a sister who was very sick and had very short time to get a prescription filled for an antibiotic for her and her daughter. When I got home he says that my directions weren't very good. That I "kept saying turn left in the neighborhood." Regardless, to clear up any doubt in my verbal directions I drew him a map and went over it with him before I left, which he left on the counter. I went back to the map, he said it was wrong and that my verbal directions were wrong. I showed him exactly how it was correct and that he couldn't blame me for operator error. I even attempted to show him a Google map to which he accused me of trying to lay the blame. I said that I was only attempting to point out how I was actually correct in my directions and that he cannot continue to blame me for his mistakes. It was pointless. Why would I think I could make this point with him? One time he was putting things in the trunk of his car and hit his head for which he blamed me because I was talking to him. My son has behavioral and mental health issues. My husband has almost not tolerance for this. He doesn't take an active role in understanding or even changing his own behavior toward our son so that they have a better relationship. It is a rocky relationship. It's basically his way or the highway. I don't want him to join the church because I certainly don't want to feel pressured to be sealed to him. I am seriously biding my time. In a way I feel this is wrong because I am cheating him. Part of me feels this is what you get when you treat your wife like crap. I actually feel sorry for him and how much a divorce would hurt him. I am his second wife. His first wife left him for a woman after seven years of marriage (he was her second marriage). I think over the years I resented and then accepted the blame and the behavior. Maybe in some way accepting responsibility or saying it was my punishment for sins and mistakes and marrying a non member. I finally forgave myself. And somehow I realized his behavior was just not cool. That marriage in general wasn't garbage, my marriage was just really crummy and it was not based on love. One thing I found in other marriage with trouble was that the husband and wife really loved each other. They really did, but they were just doing things that were stupid. If they went back to their shared love and respect they could work through the really tough issues and it was worth it because they really loved that person. I do not like my husband. People outside of me and our kids get the best of him. Please only reply if you are someone like myself who needs an empathetic ear. I don't need advice.