iamdiamd

No it is not.  It is first and foremost a gross sin, a wickedness. I was steeped in that filth for decades and I gave the exact same excuses. I self-deluded myself, I lied to God about it. It wasn't until I finally came to understand it for what it really is that I was able to cast it from me forever-to where like the Scriptures say, I no longer desire to do wickedness. The same self-delusion, lies and excuses can be used for any sin.  Adultery is first and foremost an intimacy disorder. Going to a nude bar is an intimacy disorder. It covers up the responsible party, which is you.
Once I saw it for what it is, the lies and self-deception go away.  Why did I look at pornography . . .it's simple because I liked it!  I enjoyed the sin, boy did it feel good to fantasize about indulging in the natural man! It wasn't because of some mythical "addiction" (that was just another excuse), going to it every night, spending hours . . .why b/c I liked it!! There is no other reason why, there is no "intimacy disorder", anyone who claims otherwise has not fully conquered the sin (maybe in action but not in heart).
I started when I was young too-I wish to God my parents had helped me out better-but I don't fault them b/c they did the best they could at the time. Then I became an adult and the excuses about blaming others, shoving the responsibility of my actions, my sins onto others could no longer work.
No, the problem isn't that you don't have a real connection with another human being-it's that you don't have a connection with God.
Yes exactly right, because you stopped the action, but you haven't change your heart. As such, there is a high likelihood you will return to it. Been there done that, returned to it like a dog to his vomit.  
I agree the Church is horrible at dealing with this, but not in the manner you think. They are horrible at it because they don't teach true doctrine about it-they have gone along with much of the world in trying to solve this problem (addiction recovery programs and the like). The addiction model of this is flawed to the nth degree.
You need to stop feeling sorry for yourself. The reason you feel like this is because the inner vessel is not clean.
A favorite scripture of mine: "Woe unto you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! for ye are like unto whited sepulchres, which indeed appear beautiful outward, but are within full of dead men's bones, and of all uncleanness. 28Even so ye also outwardly appear righteous unto men, but within ye are full of hypocrisy and iniquity."
A couple of pointed questions.  How is your scripture study?  Do you read the Word of God every day?  Do you say a prayer morning and night?  Do you say a prayer before your meals?  Do you prayer together as a family? Do you read scriptures together as a family?  Do you have Family Home Evening?  Do you as the head of household take the lead in setting the example of righteous living?  Do you lead your family? 
Of course your wife doesn't respect you.  She has been married to a wicked man for years and as such whether she will admit it or not she will reject any of your counsel.  Nobody wants to be lead by wicked leaders (except the wicked).  But brother, you start becoming a Man of God and if she is righteous I guarantee you she will follow you anywhere!
Convert yourself to Christ, convert yourself to knowing that it is only through Him that we can be cleansed.  Start with something simple-start having family prayer.  There is just something intangible about someone who is converted to Christ.  People recognize it-they see it, in some way they know.
Do I want people to know about my past sins, not particularly.  Do I really care? No, I don't.  I don't blast it out b/c most of the time it isn't relevant to who I am, where I am.  My past sins aren't who I am now, my past wickedness is not who I am now.  I still fall mightily, I still have plenty of my own weaknesses and sins.  But I can truly say, that wickedness is gone.  It's gone b/c of Christ.  Because I was in the gall of bitterness, I was in the depths of hell.  I saw myself stripped of all the excuses all the lies all the self-delusion, I saw myself standing before God at the end of my mortal existence and I was sore afraid.
Change the inner vessel, become a man of God and I promise you in a couple of years when you look back you will be amazed at the miracles God has worked in your life.  The happiness you seek, can't be found in other fantasies of the flesh, it can't be found in your wife, it can't be found in job.  It can only be found in a living a life according to God's laws, being in compliance with His will. It can only be found in the peace that the Savior gives to those who repent, forsake their sins and come unto Him. 
It is my testimony, my witness as someone who has traveled down that path, changed my life and now I'm a much, much happier person.

Irony?

This is an interesting topic and one that people, I think, tend to explore way too shallowly. (hmm..."way too shallowly" feels like bad English...but...)
I don't know that I agree. But I certainly understand what you're getting at. I know, very well, that certain temptations that I have are a direct result of choices I've made and poor attitudes I have had or have. I feel quite confident that those "urges" are, indeed, sinful because it was, at least at one point, well within my power to have put them aside where I chose instead options that strengthened them. My fault. My imperfection. My sin.
So, yeah...when someone is first hitting puberty and having natural drives towards certain things...sure...no sin. When they're in thier 30s, 40s, 50s, etc., and still having those same urges...well then. Maybe there is quite a bit of "sin" involved...both of commission and omission.

1st Commandment is to love God and to have no other Gods before him.
I don't sense much in your post about love of God above the humanism of others.  I love God above simply telling other people pleasing words that they want to hear.  I love God enough to tell others that if they don't get their act together one day they will stand accountable before God for their own actions.  I love God's children enough to proclaim repentance to those who are living in sin.
True love isn't telling someone pleasing words.  True love is telling someone what they need to hear not what they want to hear.

Yes, because again, I have read enough to know that yes while this community does lie quite a bit to get what they want-this guy in particular does not.
You can draw your own conclusions and say, no,no,no this would NEVER happen in the Church.  I have read enough to say, yeah this is actually quite likely-not widespread but likely.

Because I've read enough of them to know the guy isn't lying. He has pictures with Elder Costa (of the 70) when he went out to Utah, he has pictures of his SP, counselors, etc.  I invite you to find out for yourself-I encourage you to do as Elder Ballard has asked us to do and to "listen to and learn from".  I have and I have drawn my conclusions from doing so.  I encourage you to spend some time on his blog, go the the facebook pages of "Mormons Building Bridges", "Affirmation", "NorthStar", etc.  I encourage you to listen to what they are saying and to learn from what they are saying.
Others can certainly draw their own conclusions, but my conclusions from listening to and learning from is that regardless of Elder Oaks talk (which was good)-this stuff isn't stopping.  The only thing that will this community wants that will suffice for them is 100% full acceptance, meaning temple sealings.  And they are certainly making plenty of progress.

I do not use the term lightly and I most certainly do not throw it around.  The raising of a child to an adult is an extremely important process. It is most likely the single greatest act a human being will do for the rest of society-that is righteously raising the next generation.
It is an extremely wicked, and evil ideology and just demonstrates how far removed we are as a culture from God that anyone could possibly fathom that a child raised in a household with two homosexuals is anything other than evil. 
Children are sponges and they model human behavior.  If the parent swears in front of the child, the child will swear, if a parent throws and hits things the child will act out like that.  Once they become old enough as independent human beings then they can start to self-regulate their behavior and say, my parents do xyz, but that is bad so I won't do xyz.  But that takes years and years and almost inevitably anyone who has lived long enough, or who has any bit of self-reflection will almost immediately say, oh yes, I have this, this and this habit that was taught and trained to me by my parents.  
We know this, it is self-evident.  And yet either because people are blinded by society, or because they don't want to say it (and look mean), or because they absolutely have no clue (or have an agenda), they self-delude themselves into saying, yeah, yeah, that's perfectly fine for a child to be raised by two homosexuals.  Really? 
In a religion where we know that the foundation of everything is based upon a mother and a father we are taking one of the most perverted societal structures and saying, yeah, yeah that's okay that they are raised that way.  It's stunning how blinded people can be.
And this is a totally different situation than being raised by a single-parent, because their are only two ways for a child to end up being raised in a homosexual household.   Either through adoption, or because one parent went down a sinful path and the courts allowed that parent to take custody.  And either one is tremendously bad.  It absolutely is child abuse, imposed by the state, to have an innocent child raised in a wicked, perverse, sinful relationship like a homosexual relationship and then have everyone around them pretend that it's okay.  It's not okay-it will jack with their heads for the rest of their lives, they will absolutely have emotional, mental and relationship problems because of it. 
It's stunning the depths people go to so that they can avoid personal responsibility of standing up for what's morally right when the crowd is against them.  Allowing children to be adopted into or raised by (through the custody courts) homosexual partners is a great, great sin.  It absolutely offends God b/c it offends his little ones.  And anyone who defends it, should take a real hard look at their own soul. 
The bottom line is that many people, even many members don't have enough faith in the God ordained structures of the family to really defend it and I mean to really defend it.  Many are too scared of being intimidated that they half-heatedly defend it, they say things like "I'm personally against it, but people should have the right to do as they please, love who they love" . . .yeah, yeah, that's not a defense that a way to act like you defend it without having to actually take any responsibility. There is nothing that I'm saying that wouldn't have been common knowledge, common understanding 20 years ago and the responses opposing what I've written would be looked at the same way to which I'm looked at here.