Just over 20 years ago, my wife and I decided to get married, at 28/30 years old. We went to her Stake Pres of the YSA ward in Hunt Beach, and he said, get married in the temple or don't, no exceptions. We went to my Stake Pres, in Orange, and he said the same thing. So we went to her parents Stake Pres, who knew my wife's dad was not a member. He said, "Let's try the first presidency, there's nothing in the gospel that says you can't go to the church in San Diego, get married for all non-members to see and participate, then walk over to the temple and get sealed, which would be the most important thing for us.
The First Presidency wrote back and said, "It is not in present church policy to allow such things to take place. Perhaps in some future time policy will change."
We never took it as anything but policy; not the gospel. We went ahead and were married and sealed in the temple, and my wife's dad decided to have nothing to do with our wedding, (inviting my wife's good friends/coach over to his house on our wedding/reception day). A bully, yes. But it would have been nice to cater to the non-members in the family. He had previously had nothing to do with an older sister's wedding when they decided to get married in the temple, and threatened to divorce his wife if she attending the reception of her own daughter. The parents did not participate there, either.
For those of you who know Peter Vidmar (gymnast), a freind, told us that he had a ring ceremony, after the temple wedding, where his non-member father in law was able to perform a ring ceremony and give his daughter away. If you didn't look carefully, you'd never have known that it wasn't the actual marriage. But that didn't fly with my wife's dad.
So policy has now changed, as it was already everywhere except America. A good change. Let us cater to non-members, reduce the unintended (mormon) offense, and help bring all families together.
