Jekar

Hi, I grew up LDS and until I was 34, I considered myself a member and even served a mission in the Ohio Cleveland Mission. I guess technically, I am still a member on the books anyway. Until recently there was absolute no thought or any desire to return. I would have to say that the reason I'm even thinking about it is a friend and co-worker has been trying to work on me. Growing up, I always felt ostracized at church. I didn't feel comfortable going but I believed strongly. My family was the "poor family" in an "affluent" ward. My siblings and I felt like we were the outcast. I've only ever respected two bishops that I've known and one of those two bishops were not mine but my parents. The interesting things is that the friend who is working on me is the nephew of that bishop. One bishop went to my mom and said that it would be inappropriate for me to help out at a etiquette dinner because they wanted every girl to have a good time and I wouldn't give them the good time. Another told my mom to stop talking to him about problems she had because my dad was good man and he didn't believe anything she was saying. My first wife and I were married in the temple and to be worthy we needed to talk to our bishops. My ex-wife and I made an appointment with my bishop. She talked him about things to get ready to go and after listening to her he goes, I'm glad I could help you get that off your chest but I'm not your bishop so I can't help you. We went to her family ward and talked her bishop and he asked "Did you have an orgasm?" She went to a college ward and that bishop said don't take the sacrament. We'll talk later. Then when I was in my 30's the church found me (sister told them where I was). I started getting some home teacher visits and then they stopped coming. I received a call later from the church asking me if I was seeing home teachers. They told me that the home teachers were reporting they were doing their visits and I hadn't seen them for a while. After that point I decided to investigate the Catholic Church, I had always believed if the LDS church wasn't true, the only other possibility was the Catholic church. I sent the Catholic priest of where I lived and never heard anything from them. I pretty much gave up at that point and pretty much lost all belief in God. A few years ago, I re-started school and attended a Nazarene University. I ended up graduating with a Computer Science degree. From the interactions with the religious aspect of the school, I started believing a little bit. Talking with my friend this evening at work, I seriously started wondering if I should re-investigate the church. I'm scared because since leaving, fornicated, and been drunk many times, I'm sure I'll be excommunicated. I'll come back and be kicked out again. I had just returned home from my mission and one of the members of the ward was excommunicated. They announced it in sacrament meeting and then during opening exercises of Priesthood and asked all of the Aaronic priesthood to leave and re-announced it. I'm sorry for rambling and not even sure this is a good place to put this. I don't even know why I am rambling. If anyone made it through this long post, Thank you for reading it.