I have been married for 7 years but I am thinking of leaving and I have been for a while now.My story is long and I am not sure I can cover everything so I will try and cover my main reasons for wanting to leave..When I met my husband I was very naive I didn't think to as him about school or work until we were so close that we were talking marriage,he wasn't working but neither was I so I assumed its only because of a temporary reason,BEFORE he proposed he told me that he had very little formal schooling had no completed his high school studies as he struggled through school..I out of putty thought,maybe I can help him.
We got married in the first years of our marriage progress was evident I paid for his drivers license he lost the money twice (long story)then got it on the 3rd try.
I applied for work for him he worked but couldn't keep a job,he is either complaining about management or that the money is too little.after a while we started becoming distant and when we seeked help from friends and family he told them I nagg too much..so I stopped and he went downhill..in the past 4 years he has maybe worked for 8months or so in 2 -4months job changes..we have 2 children together and it is getting very stressful for me to raise them by myself..I resent him so much and I think he does me too..I am always complaining about the things I expect him to do as a husband and a father.he makes no financial contribution and No effort to keep our romance alive..we barely talk when I talk to him he seems irritable or distant,most days I feel like he doesn't love me at all,like I am means to an end because I can put a roof over his head and put food on the table for us..I have said this to him before and I think he resents me for expressing myself the way that I do.i try to be patient and kind but some days i am just plain mad and don't care that it hurts him because I am hurting too..since we have been together he has had multiplied secret 'friendships that I found out about but he says no sexual relationships took place..I am so lonely and depressed..In 2019 I have been unemployed and I have 2 kids to raise and feed.my family has done alot to help But this is adding to my frustration because I feel I'm going through this alone..I am tired of carrying the financial load ,and being emotionally drained all the time..we are broke and distant I am not even sure why I am in this relationship..I've tried to speak to him and plead with him to get help,I've tried paying for his school but he sleeps all day and fails his subjects,I just feel so sad most days I can't even get out of bed.
I try to for my 4 and 2 year old boys ,but it gets really hard not only thinking about what I am going to feed my kids but also what he is going to eat I mean is This right?when am i going to be able to get the love and attention and finacial support that I need?I can't get myself to leave him,part of me feels sorry for him and another is afraid my kids will grow up fatherless like i did.
I just need some advise from a neutral person..I don't know what to do.