You have gotten some really good responses here. One thing that stuck out to me is that you said that you don't need medication. I have had depression for nearly 20 years. Incidentally, my depression started when I was on my mission. Just from reading your original post lost of red flags went up. YOu saying something like "God should just take me" is pretty serious. I understand your hesitation in not wanting to be on medication. I have felt the same way. I especially don't like the prescription ones. Here are the links for two natural ones that I have found that I like. they really do help get your chemicals back in balance so you can feel good and not have that yucky fog and feeling of hopelessness and despair that make it so hard to feel the spirit. Iceland Health Mood Enhancement Formula Clarocet Product Family: Official Website USA - Occasional Anxiety, Panic Attacks, Social Anxiety, Depressed Mood and Occasional Sleep Difficulty -- Clarocet is a natural alternative and not a treatment This site has been a huge help to me in recognizing the symptoms of depression and giving me the tools to deal with it. uncommon-knowledge.co.uk/ Life can be very confusing and I imagine that the fact that you didn't complete your mission is causing you to worry that the promises in your blessing have possibly become void. I had those kinds of worries myself. It's a very long story but things have happened in my life that seem to somewhat contradict with things in my blessing. One thing you need to remember is that Heavenly Father knows that you have depression. He understands how hard it is for you. Also He is all knowing, all powerful etc while we have limited vision, knowledge and understanding. You can't limit Him. ;-) Hope all of this makes sense and helps.