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I am 28 years old and I have been married for almost 5 years. The beginning of the marriage was rough. I told my husband I didn't love him. He struggled understanding why I didn't want to be intimate with him as often as he did - I regret giving him the answer of I didn't love him as that was not true. Time went on, his pornography addiction surfaced. I handled that so poorly, I didn't support him and made him feel like it was his problem, not mine. He went to counseling, he asked me to go and I didn't want to go, I was hurt by the situation and I just wanted him to fix it. Fast forward a year. I realized I was basically a monster in the beginning and begged for his forgiveness. Life went on, but it seemed the damage of the things I did and said in the beginning were always lingering. Every big fight we had ended with him putting divorce on the table. We had some good times and long periods where we got along great. We also struggled communicating and resolving conflict. How I acted in the beginning had hardened his heart, and he didn't love me anymore. I really don't know why I acted the way I did in the beginning. Hard time adjusting to marriage? Unable to answer his questions about intimacy? Didn't understand myself what the deal was? Whatever it was, it was my fault. Fast forward another year. Things still went on, fights were had, divorce was brought up, but I never wanted to divorce and I had always been able to plead my case and he would stay, I loved him and that first year was haunting us. He couldn't let it go, and I couldn't really blame him - it didn't matter how many good times we had or how happy we were for any period, it always came back to that and divorce always seemed to be an answer to our problems for him. About a month ago we had an argument. This time divorce was the answer for him. We were living in West Virginia at the time, and he moved back to Utah in with his parents. I found my own place in Utah. We are now living two hours apart. I miss him terribly. I want so badly for him to be able to see into my heart and understand how I am feeling. To him, the marriage is over. No part of him wants to try again. He feels that we are incompatible and probably should not have been married in the first place. I sit here and realize that it was my fault in the beginning for being terrible - but honestly, is giving up on our marriage at this point the answer? Can't all wounds be healed with the atonement? I have written him emails apologizing for the past and have been very specific with what I should have done differently, I have made promises. If you have been in the situation of a one sided divorce you know that you want to do anything you can to salvage the marriage, you think there is something you could do or say that would change your husband's mind, but it really doesn't seem like anything will. We don't have any children and it seems terrible that once things are final we will move apart in life. Nothing is holding us together. There is no reason our paths would cross. Our five years of marriage will just be a memory and nothing else. Where do you even go from here? This hurt and loneliness seems unbearable.