I'm John Kerry

[Larry Kozlowski]

Originally posted by Snow@Oct 4 2004, 07:10 PM

So, what's the Kennedy Kerry angle?

-Football, remember Kennedy campaign photos that showed him playing football with his family - nevermind that he had a bad back and his handlers had to carry him off the field after the photo-ops... now we have Kerry pretending to be John Kennedy hamming it up with the pigskin.

-JFK (Kennedy) vs JFK (Kerry) - initials

-Both Catholic

-Both made their military service a key part of their campaign. Both played fast and loose with the truth. A little explanation here: Kennedy's run at the presidency was orchestrated by his crook father Joseph Kennedy. Writer John Hersey's "Survival", the now-deflated account of Kennedy's wartime activities overlooked the fact that Kennedy and his crew were sleeping in a combat zone when a Japanese destroyer rammed them. Kennedy Sr made sure his boy got highly decorated by a high-ranking Navy official. When JFK ran for the House, Kennedy Sr. arranged for the Hersey article to appear in Reader's Digest and then saw that every voter in Kennedy's district got a copy. Publication of Kennedy's first book, Why England Slept, was arranged by Kennedy crony journalist Arthur Krock, who then reviewed the book in the New York Times. Kennedy's own book about his exploits, Profiles in Courage won the Pulitzer but was in fact the output of a committee of scholars and Kennedy speechwriter, Theodore Sorenson....... the connection to Kerry is the Brinkley book, Tour of Duty that drew on Kerry's own meticulous journal entries. Kerry kept lots of notes of his own and regularly asked other soldiers about their experiences and recorded them - as if he were gathering source material for his own tome. And, of course, Kerry's account of his service has taken a beating (swift boat veterans), as did Kennedy's account.

-Kennedy was born in Massachusetts, Kerry represents Mass.

-Kennedy had an on-going sexual relationship with Judith Campbell who was also bedding mob boss Sam Giancanna and mob hit man John Roselli. Giancanna and Roselli were soon given a contract by the CIA to assasinate Castro.... Kerry also dated Judith Campbell and hired mob hitmen to assasinate Castro.

Note: Although the part about Kennedy in the last paragraph is true - I have yet to validate the part about Kerry. More later.

This JFK vs. John Kerry duel somewhat reminds me of the epic Alien vs. Predator battles... Results, in case you missed it:

Kickboxing: Alien

Greco-Roman Wrestling: Alien

100-Meter Dash: Alien

Pole Vault: Alien

Backgammon: Predator

Driving: Alien

Baking: Predator

Low-Impact Aerobics: Predator

Break Dancing: Alien

Folk-Music Trivia: Predator

Snowboarding: Alien

Tobogganing: Predator

Doom 3: Alien

MS Excel: Predator

Sestinas: Predator

Limericks: Alien

Earth Science: Predator

Phys Ed: Alien

Plate-Spinning: N/A

Macramé: Predator

Competitive Hot-Dog Eating: Alien

Gardening (Organic): Predator

Lincoln-Douglas Debating: Predator

Tangrams: Predator

Wet T-Shirt Contest: Alien

Mechanical Bull: Alien

Electric Bass: Alien

Pennywhistle: Predator

[Jenda]

Originally posted by Larry Kozlowski@Oct 22 2004, 06:19 PM

This JFK vs. John Kerry duel somewhat reminds me of the epic Alien vs. Predator battles... Results, in case you missed it:

Kickboxing: Alien

Greco-Roman Wrestling: Alien

100-Meter Dash: Alien

Pole Vault: Alien

Backgammon: Predator

Driving: Alien

Baking: Predator

Low-Impact Aerobics: Predator

Break Dancing: Alien

Folk-Music Trivia: Predator

Snowboarding: Alien

Tobogganing: Predator

Doom 3: Alien

MS Excel: Predator

Sestinas: Predator

Limericks: Alien

Earth Science: Predator

Phys Ed: Alien

Plate-Spinning: N/A

Macramé: Predator

Competitive Hot-Dog Eating: Alien

Gardening (Organic): Predator

Lincoln-Douglas Debating: Predator

Tangrams: Predator

Wet T-Shirt Contest: Alien

Mechanical Bull: Alien

Electric Bass: Alien

Pennywhistle: Predator

You forgot the minimally aired clogging contest between Alien and Predator in which Alien won. (It was pre-empted in many places due to the second presidential debate.)

[Snow]

Look Bob, Neal,

I know that we are all Yale educated millionaires, shoot, I'm a Billionaire, but it is essential that we dress up and pretend that we are just average working class stiffs killing Canadian geese. Listen up. People aren't that bright, they eat this stuff up. Later we'll get Cher and Rosie O'Donnell and maybe Babs or Susan Saradon to say that Bush is incompetent, you'll see, trust me. People are idiots, they'll buy it.

Dang, that press corp better be getting pictures of us killing geese or heads will roll.