Temple Divorce

[stef869]

I was married in the LA Temple in 1992 to a man I have since divorced in 2003. This man was abusive to me and the kids and cheated on me. I have since found a very wonderful man who wants to marry me and help me with my kids. The Ex moved to Holland and is living with a girl there and only sees his 3 kids once a year for a week. I want a temple divorce before I marry the love of my life and need to know...how do I do that?? I heard that you have to write a letter to the President of the church. Is that true? I am inactive now or else I would just ask my Bishop. Could someone please advise me?

[Winnie G]

See your bishop, he will walk you though it. :)

[stef869]

Is that the only way? I don't know who my Bishop is and I would rather not air my dirty laundry to more people. I just want to get it over with.

He will walk you through it, and he wont discuss it to anyone.....I had a friend who went through it, she is now remarried Happily.....

remember to have faith in your bishop

[Guest curvette]

They normally don't grant anullments of temple marriages until the woman is ready to be sealed to another man. Unfortunately, you will definitely have to go through your local leadership to start the process.

[Amillia]

I can't see how being sealed to a man in the temple can keep you from having the love of your life, since you are inactive anyway.

If you want to be sealed to the love of your life, then you have to get active anyway. So why not get active, get the temple divorce and get resealed?

[Guest estump]

Ditto to what everyone said, if you want a temple divorce first. Personally, I'd just marry the love of my life regardless.

I suggest getting out the phone book and calling the church building on a Tuesday or Wednesday night. Someone will know who you need to call. If they have a missionary number listing, call the elders or the sisters. They will give you all the numbers you need so you can make an official appt. to introduce yourself to your bishop and get this process rolling.

It's just part of the priesthood order of things to have it start w/ the bishop, go to the SP and so on. It's possible...but they need to help you construct a letter and tell you what it needs to contain.

[StrawberryFields]

Welcome to LDSTalk!

I can understand your wanting to get all of the past relationship taken care of before entering into another marriage. To start your new marriage with a clean start would be ideal.

Is this new man planning on taking you to the temple to be sealed to him? If you are inactive now I would think that it could take some time before you are ready to go to the temple yourself. Inactiveness has varying degrees and reasons but you will need to at least go to church and pay your tithing if you have not been doing other things that would keep you away from the temple.

If you're worried about airing your dirty laundry to your bishop, don't be. I believe that bishops welcome the opportunity to welcome inactive families into their wards. I would think that your children also need the support that a ward and going to church offers. What do you have to loose?

[stef869]

No me and my new man are not planning on going to the Temple. I just want any ties to my ex undone. And I am not interested in going active again. Thanks for your replies. I will call the Bishop.

[Amillia]

Originally posted by stef869@Feb 25 2005, 11:22 AM

No me and my new man are not planning on going to the Temple. I just want any ties to my ex undone. And I am not interested in going active again. Thanks for your replies. I will call the Bishop.

Honestly, I don't think your bishop will do anything about getting a temple divorce as long as you are inactive and have no plans for being sealed to another man.

[Winnie G]

There is a reason why bishops don’t, if your inactive and your new love is not a member your temple marriage should not stop you from being married.

Temple marriage is kept in place for your children’s sake. So they will be sealed to YOU.

You are not going to be forced to be your ex’s wife in heaven if that what your thinking.

You want your children to be sealed to you right?

It sounds like you maybe inactive but your hart is not.

Think about why this means so much to you?

It sounds like you want this new relationship to have the same blessings that an eternal family has.

When I married my husband now he was just a new member, it gave me hope for an eternal family unlike my last marriage.

Being married to a non- member left a hole in our relationship that you could drive a truck though. It ate away at me every day that I could not share the most important part of me. He never understood the spiritual self.

When we looked at a sunset he saw it different then I did, it never meant the same.

Never settle for second best take your new loved one to church with you.

I’m glade I did.

By the way I was 32 devoiced twice and had four difunctional children two preteens.

It took a few years (ten) till we were sealed as a family.

As the years have passed and the nest emptied and grandchildren are arriving there is a peace in the knowledge we are more then just existing together.

Bishops don’t bite, I know I been there.

[stef869]

Well, it's more my new man has the problem with it. I don't blame him for not wanting me to be sealed to another man. I don't really know what I believe about the gospel anymore, but i do know that I don't want to be sealed to my ex anymore. I had heard that the children will still be with me even if i get the sealing canceled. I was a convert but was active for over 10 years. I had found that the people are hypocrits and I really don't want to be part of that anymore. there are too many rules and too much pressure to be perfect and to "serve".

[Guest curvette]

Originally posted by stef869@Feb 25 2005, 03:28 PM

Well, it's more my new man has the problem with it. I don't blame him for not wanting me to be sealed to another man.

If he doesn't believe LDS doctrine, it shouldn't bother him. Catholic doctrine has me going to hell, but since I don't believe Catholic doctrine, that doesn't bother me!

[Guest TheProudDuck]

I had found that the people are hypocrits and I really don't want to be part of that anymore. there are too many rules and too much pressure to be perfect and to "serve".

I'm going to be unconscionably rude. Humor me. I just spent $300 getting my car un-impounded (long story, has to do with registration, an absent-minded wife and a nasty meter maid) and am going to spend a boatload more getting it some long-overdue maintenance. Plus my last landlord, after having kept our entire $1990 security deposit, is now saying we owe $1300 more for repairs, which she has a chance in Sheol of getting, but I don't want to deal with the hassle of crushing her like a worm in court. PLUS, my daughter just shorted out my car radio and half the dashboard electrical system by playing "bank," inserting coins into the tape deck, AND, I'm still here in the office at 8:45 on a Friday night, finishing a miserable research brief for a partner who's skiing at Whistler right now. Did I mention that I barely have the money to pay for the above surprises?

Long story short, Michael Douglas in "Falling Down" had nothing on me as I am at the moment. Eternalperspectiveeternalperspectiveeternalperspective.

Where was I? Oh -- apologizing in advance for being rude to poor Stef, to whom I say: My impression is that people who complain about others being "hypocrites" are usually simpleminded, thin-skinned bores. Most people aren't cynical enough to be true hypocrites, mainly because most people are too dumb to be properly cynical. Most people are genuinely trying to do right -- and if they act inconsistently with their professed beliefs, it's either because they're doing their best and failing occasionally, like we all do, or because they're just too thick to see the inconsistencies.

Once I realized that everybody else in the world is just as much a jerk as I am, I stopped caring much about whether they were putting "pressure" on me to act a certain way. Having the outlook that everyone else in the world can go to hell as far as I'm concerned is a wonderfully healthy way to go through life -- and ironically, it makes you more charitable. Because it's easier to forgive someone who's done something thoughtless when you're not deeply hurt by the thoughtlessness, and it's hard to be deeply hurt by thoughtlessness when you just don't give a d*** about anything the thoughtless person says or does.

[StrawberryFields]

Originally posted by curvette+Feb 25 2005, 09:10 PM--></span><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td>QUOTE (curvette @ Feb 25 2005, 09:10 PM)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'> <!--QuoteBegin--stef869@Feb 25 2005, 03:28 PM

Well, it's more my new man has the problem with it.  I don't blame him for not wanting me to be sealed to another man.

If he doesn't believe LDS doctrine, it shouldn't bother him. Catholic doctrine has me going to hell, but since I don't believe Catholic doctrine, that doesn't bother me!

Curvette,

What have you done that the Cathloic doctorine would send you to hell? Maybe I am in the same boat.

[Amillia]

Originally posted by stef869@Feb 25 2005, 04:28 PM

Well, it's more my new man has the problem with it. I don't blame him for not wanting me to be sealed to another man. I don't really know what I believe about the gospel anymore, but i do know that I don't want to be sealed to my ex anymore. I had heard that the children will still be with me even if i get the sealing canceled. I was a convert but was active for over 10 years. I had found that the people are hypocrits and I really don't want to be part of that anymore. there are too many rules and too much pressure to be perfect and to "serve".

boy are you nice.

[StrawberryFields]

Originally posted by stef869@Feb 25 2005, 04:28 PM

Well, it's more my new man has the problem with it.  I don't blame him for not wanting me to be sealed to another man.  I don't really know what I believe about the gospel anymore, but i do know that I don't want to be sealed to my ex anymore.  I had heard that the children will still be with me even if i get the sealing canceled.  I was a convert but was active for over 10 years.  I had found that the people are hypocrits and I really don't want to be part of that anymore.  there are too many rules and too much pressure to be perfect and to "serve".

I did not get involved in the hypocrites thread earlier or even read it for that matter. I believe that placing a label such as that is a cop out. How anyone can group so many people together and call them something like that is beyond me.

Yes, there are doctrines to follow and service is a big part of the LDS Church. If you choose not to do these things then you can become very complacent and unhappy. There are rules wherever you go to some degree and that is what keeps us civilized. To serve others keeps us from becoming self centered and enriches our lives as it does the person being served.

I will agree with you to a point about the perfectionism. I believe that there are many members who live in an unrealistic world and have blinders on when it comes to problems occurring in families. I testify that everyone has problems to some degree and that when people are strong enough to admit that they have a tragedy or need support this is what brings people together. Some of my dearest friends are those who I have served with in the ward. When you serve with another person you come to realize that they are also human and make mistakes, have problems etc.

It isn't fair to judge the doctrine based solely on its members because members are not perfect. The doctrine is for perfecting the saints, not perfect saints.

[Winnie G]

Sealed to another man

I’m sorry were did you get that from?

He would never be sealed to your ex only you, after your temple marriage is annulled. It is not annulled until you are ready to be sealed to your new husband.

It isn't fair to judge the doctrine based solely on its members because members are not perfect. The doctrine is for perfecting the saints, not perfect saints.

Boy do you have that right!

I was inactive for years do to some boorish man in the church who made a comment about my hips and birthing lots of missionaries. I was young women 19 at the time and realized he was one of many who are struggling with his own bag of hammers and I should focus on my self not the bores around me.

We had a family we use to home teach years back, their inactivity was blamed on what someone said, not the gospel. Using members as a reason not to believe on your faith is a cop out. We finely got it though to them and they were active for a year or so till their son air cadets was held on mostly Sundays and I told them as parents they had to decide witch was more important?

[Amillia]

Originally posted by Strawberry Fields+Feb 26 2005, 08:05 AM--></span><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td>QUOTE (Strawberry Fields @ Feb 26 2005, 08:05 AM)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'> <!--QuoteBegin--stef869@Feb 25 2005, 04:28 PM

Well, it's more my new man has the problem with it.  I don't blame him for not wanting me to be sealed to another man.  I don't really know what I believe about the gospel anymore, but i do know that I don't want to be sealed to my ex anymore.  I had heard that the children will still be with me even if i get the sealing canceled.  I was a convert but was active for over 10 years.  I had found that the people are hypocrits and I really don't want to be part of that anymore.  there are too many rules and too much pressure to be perfect and to "serve".

I did not get involved in the hypocrites thread earlier or even read it for that matter. I believe that placing a label such as that is a cop out. How anyone can group so many people together and call them something like that is beyond me.

Yes, there are doctrines to follow and service is a big part of the LDS Church. If you choose not to do these things then you can become very complacent and unhappy. There are rules wherever you go to some degree and that is what keeps us civilized. To serve others keeps us from becoming self centered and enriches our lives as it does the person being served.

I will agree with you to a point about the perfectionism. I believe that there are many members who live in an unrealistic world and have blinders on when it comes to problems occurring in families. I testify that everyone has problems to some degree and that when people are strong enough to admit that they have a tragedy or need support this is what brings people together. Some of my dearest friends are those who I have served with in the ward. When you serve with another person you come to realize that they are also human and make mistakes, have problems etc.

It isn't fair to judge the doctrine based solely on its members because members are not perfect. The doctrine is for perfecting the saints, not perfect saints.

Good post Strawberry! :)

[john doe]

Originally posted by TheProudDuck@Feb 25 2005, 09:54 PM

I had found that the people are hypocrits and I really don't want to be part of that anymore. there are too many rules and too much pressure to be perfect and to "serve".

I'm going to be unconscionably rude. Humor me. I just spent $300 getting my car un-impounded (long story, has to do with registration, an absent-minded wife and a nasty meter maid) and am going to spend a boatload more getting it some long-overdue maintenance. Plus my last landlord, after having kept our entire $1990 security deposit, is now saying we owe $1300 more for repairs, which she has a chance in Sheol of getting, but I don't want to deal with the hassle of crushing her like a worm in court. PLUS, my daughter just shorted out my car radio and half the dashboard electrical system by playing "bank," inserting coins into the tape deck, AND, I'm still here in the office at 8:45 on a Friday night, finishing a miserable research brief for a partner who's skiing at Whistler right now. Did I mention that I barely have the money to pay for the above surprises?

Long story short, Michael Douglas in "Falling Down" had nothing on me as I am at the moment. Eternalperspectiveeternalperspectiveeternalperspective.

Where was I? Oh -- apologizing in advance for being rude to poor Stef, to whom I say: My impression is that people who complain about others being "hypocrites" are usually simpleminded, thin-skinned bores. Most people aren't cynical enough to be true hypocrites, mainly because most people are too dumb to be properly cynical. Most people are genuinely trying to do right -- and if they act inconsistently with their professed beliefs, it's either because they're doing their best and failing occasionally, like we all do, or because they're just too thick to see the inconsistencies.

Once I realized that everybody else in the world is just as much a jerk as I am, I stopped caring much about whether they were putting "pressure" on me to act a certain way. Having the outlook that everyone else in the world can go to hell as far as I'm concerned is a wonderfully healthy way to go through life -- and ironically, it makes you more charitable. Because it's easier to forgive someone who's done something thoughtless when you're not deeply hurt by the thoughtlessness, and it's hard to be deeply hurt by thoughtlessness when you just don't give a d*** about anything the thoughtless person says or does.

Let me just pop in and agree with you, PD.

As to this thread, I don't see what the big deal is. If you don't believe the church is true, what do you care what they consider your status is? If the LDS church is wrong, or false, then they have no say in your eternal or spiritual status before God. I suspect that despite your protests to the contrary, you (or your boyfriend) actually DO believe, and so you (or he) want to, in some small way, pay homage to that truth by jumping through hoops that you imagine pertain to you.

[Guest curvette]

Originally posted by Strawberry Fields+Feb 25 2005, 10:05 PM--></span><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td>QUOTE (Strawberry Fields @ Feb 25 2005, 10:05 PM)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'>

Originally posted by -curvette@Feb 25 2005, 09:10 PM

<!--QuoteBegin--stef869@Feb 25 2005, 03:28 PM

Well, it's more my new man has the problem with it.  I don't blame him for not wanting me to be sealed to another man.

If he doesn't believe LDS doctrine, it shouldn't bother him. Catholic doctrine has me going to hell, but since I don't believe Catholic doctrine, that doesn't bother me!

Curvette,

What have you done that the Cathloic doctorine would send you to hell? Maybe I am in the same boat.

Well, I wasn't baptized Catholic. That's a start! The other things, well... I'll save those for confession! :)

[stef869]

Maybe that one post was right - that the people I think are hypocrites are just people who are trying to live righteously but are failing. I didn't mean to sound like I am so perfect because I am not and know it. I have seen a lot of people who preach the gospel but then blatantly chose the wrong. I wasn't trying to say that EVERYONE in the LDS religion was a hypocrite.

I don't have any problems with the Gospel. I still believe in it but am having a hard time dealing with the people in the church and the fact that if you want to NOT give a talk or NOT accept a calling you are made to feel gulity. I am way too busy to accept any callings and I hate talking in front of people and when I am asked I feel as if I can't say no. I do still believe in the Temple marriage and I think if both me and my ex were worthy that it would be honored (but i do not want to be sealed to this man any longer.) My new love, let's call him Joe, is just uncomfortable with the that fact that I am sealed to a man who isn't him. And I can understand that. Joe is not being a jerk about it, it is just something he is having a hard time with and honestly if he were sealed to his ex I would feel the same way. I do not know what the future holds but I do know that I do not want to be sealed to my ex. He has done some pretty rotten things to me and his children. Anyway, I do not mean to offend anyone and I do appreciate your posts. Thank you.

[john doe]

I wouldn't worry too much about it. I don't think God is going to force two people who don't like each other and don't keep their covenants in the temple to be punished by living with each other for eternity. I believe their sealing will be annulled simply because one or both hasn't lived up to what they promised they would do. And unless your current guy is willing to step up and be man enough to live up to and make those covenants as well, I don't know that you would want to be sealed to him either. So consider yourself "unsealed" to anyone for now, whether the church considers it official or not. And if you all die without getting it "right" officially, I think God will make allowances for that and things will be fixed somehow.

As far as that goes, I believe that if you and your ex all of a sudden both decided to live righteously and live up to the covenants you made in the temple, if you still can't stand each other I think God would have the ability to make the appropriate changes even after you die. God is a just God, and also a merciful God. He's not going to force you to be miserable just because you made stupid mistakes in this life if you have truly decided to be righteous. The power of the atonemant will make things right for everyone if they just take advantage of it.

[Amillia]

I do not know what the future holds but I do know that I do not want to be sealed to my ex. He has done some pretty rotten things to me and his children. Anyway, I do not mean to offend anyone and I do appreciate your posts. Thank you.

What kind of rotten things? Maybe he should be exed, then the sealing would be cancelled anyway ~ wouldn't it?

[stef869]

He was basically a “terrorist” in our own home. He has punched holes in numerous walls, thrown our dinning room table through the sliding glass door, broken the car’s drivers side window while I was seating in the driver’s seat, threatened to kill himself, yelled and yelled at me and the kids over dumb stuff and threw things at me. ( There is more but don’t have time to write it all.) After 13 years of that I needed a separation and asked him to go to anger management. After only 3 weeks he found someone else and cheated on me with her. It also came out that he has had a few affairs from early on in our marriage (we already had been sealed) so I divorced him. He has since moved to Holland to live with this new girl. He left behind 3 broken hearted children. This is why I do not want to be sealed to this man any longer.

[stef869]

The last straw was when he got mad because my boys were arguing and hit our 4 year old in the face and gave him the worst bloody nose! He made them to go their room and would not let me go to them when they were screaming in their room. turns out they were screaming because there was blood everywhere!!! This man has no heart at all!!!