Discipline in a Relationship

[SarikOstheim]

All right, here's my story.

Several months ago, I met this very nice young woman while I was attending college. We started out as associates, and over time, we developed a strong friendship. A couple of months ago, I finally got the guts to ask her out, and we've been dating avidly ever since. I just can't properly explain our relationship in words, though I'm certain many of you know what I'm going through due to your advantage over me in experience.

Well, in my opinion, our relationship has moved fast. Not dangerously or uncomfortably fast, just the kind of fast you get from driving on the highway, you know? I have just never been in a relationship like this before. The thought of potential life mate has come up more than once. And this is coming from the guy who refused to get married before 30 because his parents got married 6 months after they started dating and put themselves, their eldest son, born little over 1 year later, and their other three children through one heck of a life. I now have come to understand their sentiments after having experienced these kinds of relationships in this kind of...magnitude.

But, I come to the masses for advice because I have been raised LDS all my life, and have got all of the traditional information. I was not the best member throughout most of my teenage years, and for the past couple, was borderline agnostic. Only this year have I gone through a sort of revival, and am more balanced as a member and individual: not the skeptical anti, nor the religious fanatic I was until I was 13.

But, I need help, advice, per se. I have followed the guidelines to dating, and though we've only been on single dates, nothing inappropriate has happened between us. I mean, we hold hands, we're not afraid to sit close, and we've recently shared quite a number of kisses. Now, when our relationship started(and the short time that lead up to them), 99.9% of the thoughts going through my head involving my partner were completely clean. Now, this was back in the day when she was just another factor in my daily life. Then I found myself thinking about her a lot more. Now, it's to the point that, often to my disdain, my thoughts always end up circling back around to her. And I've noticed that the inappropriate ones are occurring at an increasing frequency, no matter how often I attempt to quell them. And more often then I'd like, they bubble to the surface while we're enjoying our evenings together.

Now, before I share time with this woman, I tell myself, "This is as far as I go," and I stick with it. So far it's worked. But occasionally, I find myself doing this grudgingly. And sometimes, I find myself waning during our time together. I fear this may have something to do with some of the choices I made when I was younger, which may have damaged how I view certain people, or simply initiated something in my brain prior to when I was ready for it.

What is the norm in this, any advice on controlling my thoughts(yes, I hum church hymns, helps when I remember to), and how do you think I should go about preventing instances where we could end up in situations favorable for disaster? We generally stay in public places, or in the others home(where the family is generally around), but there have been a couple instances where the homes were vacated for periods between 15 minutes to hours, and I fear one of us may take advantage of that time one of these days(me, most likely). Should we find elsewhere to hang around during these periods of time?

Take note, the one who I am courting is 21, and shares similar beliefs and sentiments to my own.

[AELK]

I think that the thoughts you are having are completely normal and to be expected. If you find that this person is a potential life or eternity mate, you should be having some physical desires for her. If you were not, she's probably not the one.

I have had too much experience with this type of situation, some of which I would not wish on anyone. But I have come to some good points of understanding that I wish to share with you:

You are doing the right thing going out to public places, and being diligent not to cross the line and do something that should only be done once you are married. But I would recommend that you do talk about that subject. Because nothing is worse than being unevenly yoked when it comes to matters of intimacy. You don't have to go there to find out if you have the same feelings towards the subject. What areas of discussion are based on what is important to you, and your relationship.

Be objective in how you deal with what she says and does. We often misinterpret what our significant other means or feels.

Ask yourself- do you trust her?

Love is a wonderful thing. But what makes a relationship good and it last is friendship. Can you see her as being your best friend forever? Can you see yourself sharing it all with her without reservation?

[Guest missingsomething]

WOW AELK... what great advice in my opinion.

I would say one other thing... corny as it may seem... have you tried having prayer with her? Inviting the spirit on your evening? Or reading scriptures together? This helps me '

[Wingnut]

WOW AELK... what great advice in my opinion.

I would say one other thing... corny as it may seem... have you tried having prayer with her? Inviting the spirit on your evening? Or reading scriptures together? This helps me '

That actually I think is discouraged behavior for couples who are dating. My husband and I didn't pray or read scriptures together until after we were already engaged. The problem can be that you feel the Spirit, and maybe you think that it's tell you "this is right, this is good, get married" when it really might just be confirming the truth of what you're reading.

[SarikOstheim]

I never said she was Mormon as well. And on that matter, I personally am more in line with a couple of groups. The first being Mormon Liberals(they don't cherry pick, they're just not afraid to openly question popular church culture and interpretations) and the LDS Transhumanists. It's not a requirement in my long-term relationships for one to be LDS. Probably one of the reasons I've been such a failure so far. But beyond that, we are both open-minded individuals who already share extremely similar beliefs and lifestyles.

And I have spoken to her on this matter. While she claims to understand my concerns and to do her part in remaining vigilant, her actions indicate otherwise. My partner can be, how should I say this, slightly(no, I'm not just putting that there to be nice) naive at times? Near-sighted? Has as much experience in adult relationships as I do? Our one major difference is that, as I said before, she takes life as it comes to her, while I'm constantly thinking years ahead, running various scenarios, planning for each of those, providing for contingencies, and backups to those. And with the economic situation of the US, progression in our relationship is becoming a little more difficult the further we go along.