susansboneyard Posted November 23, 2009 Report Share Posted November 23, 2009 My husband went before a Church Disciplinary Council in Sept. 2008 for adultery and was disfellowed. He had been having a 2 year affair with a co-worker, whom he baptized into the church in July 2008. (No action was taken against the woman and she went on to steal another woman's husband.) My husband has since gone through an Alma-like repentance, and is a different person. I, on the other hand, am having issues. At the time of the Church Council my Stake President told me to be friends with the other woman, and seemed more concerned with her than with myself and my children. Since that time neither he, nor our Bishop have extended any contact with our family. Our home teacher, who is on the High Council, has not visited us in over a year. During this period of time my husband also had cancer. I have gotten over the devastating pain my husband caused, have forgiven him, and we are doing well, but I am hurt by the absence of support by my church leaders. I am a strong member of the church, but I almost feel as if I have been disfellowed as well. What exactly is the role of a Stake President, Bishop and home teacher after a member has been disfellowed? With this history, I am afraid they have forgotten about our family and my husband will be in limbo for some time yet. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BenRaines Posted November 23, 2009 Report Share Posted November 23, 2009 In most cases that I know of the Bishop stays in regular contact with the person who has been disfellowshiped and meets with them at least monthly. This is to check their progress in the repentance process. The Stake President is not involved, generally, until it is time to reconvene the Council for reinstatement. If you husband is concerned or even you then you should contact the Bishop. As for why your home teacher hasn't visited for over a year that is a problem that he will have to answer for some day. You could call him and ask for a visit. I have in the past. Called home teacher and asked when they were coming. Ben Raines Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest mormonmusic Posted November 23, 2009 Report Share Posted November 23, 2009 (edited) I felt really sad as I read the account of what's happened to you over the last while. I would have hoped that the Bishop would be leaning really heavily on his HPGL or EQ president for a monthly report on that you're being seen by your home teacher, at a minimum. And I would've hoped he'd have also met with you as a couple or individually from time to time to offer support and to monitor when full reinstatement of blessings might be considered. The fact that these things haven't happened is saddening, particularly when it sounds like your family is moving past this, and your husband is in full repentence mode. All I can say is this -- and it may well seem hollow -- these men have a lot on their plate. The Bishops have way too much to do that they can't delegate either. I know it sounds hollow and probably doesn't help your situation much, but it's a reality. There's a possibility the person you think is your home teacher isn't even your home teacher anymore due to reassignment. I had a situation a few years ago when a female Ward leader distributed a very nasty letter about me as a leader to other leaders in the Ward via email. It threw me for a loop and triggered some emotional depression that still hits me when I think of it. I was reprimanded by the Bishop's counselor, without both sides being heard, citing the fact that I was considered to be overbearing (I know realize there was a different underlying issue that no one had recognized). I felt devastated, and spoke to our Stake president, to whom I reported as HPGL about the infighting and lack of support for priesthood leaders. He did nothing. The bishop did nothing, even when it started affecting my peformance visibly. Suffice to say, these people will not always come through as you'd like. I suggest you find out for sure who your home teacher is, and invite him over. Tell him your family needs him and even suggest a topic for a lesson or message. If he doesn't respond, share his non-responsiveness with his priesthood leader and share the need for a strong home teacher who will see you regularly. Consider setting up an appointment with your Bishop through the executive secretary, yourself, or preferably with your husband, and ask what kind of contact they should be having with him as your husband works toward restoration of blessings. Be proactive in solving this, notwithstanding the fact that you're probably hurting and would like to see more caring from the leaders. I hope things improve, and that your feelings changes as you invite the priesthood leaders and home teachers into your life proactively..... Edited November 24, 2009 by mormonmusic Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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