ldsgurl_2002 Posted November 16, 2005 Report Posted November 16, 2005 Daddy's Rules Daddy's Rules Rule One: If you pull into my driveway and honk you had better be delivering a package, because you are sure not picking anything up. Rule Two: You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off my daughter's body, I will remove them. Rule Three: I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please do not take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose his compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object. However, in order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact, come off during the course of your date with my daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist. Rule Four: I am sure you have been told that in today's world, sex without utilizing a "barrier method" of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate, when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you. Rule Five: It is usually understood that in order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is "early." Rule Six: I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry. Rule Seven: As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process that can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge. Instead of just standing there, why don't you do something useful, like changing the oil in my car? Rule Eight: The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter: Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool. Places where there are no parents, police officers, or nuns within eyesight. Places where there is darkness. Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness. Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka - zipped up to her throat. Movies with a strong romantic or sexual theme are to be avoided; movies that feature chain saws are okay. Hockey games are okay. Old folk’s homes are better. Rule Nine: Donot lie to me. I may appear to be a potbellied, balding, middle-aged, dimwitted has-been. However, on issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless god of your universe. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun, a shovel, and five acres behind the house. Do not trifle with me. Rule Ten: Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in over a rice paddy near Hanoi. When my Agent Orange starts acting up, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home. As soon as you pull into the driveway, you should exit your car with both hands in plain sight. Speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early, then return to your car - there is no need for you to come inside. The camouflaged face at the window is mine. Quote
Guest Member_Deleted Posted November 16, 2005 Report Posted November 16, 2005 There is an old maid in the making... ROFL!! Thanks for the hardy laugh! Quote
Josie Posted November 16, 2005 Report Posted November 16, 2005 Funny. There are some Dads that make the guys feel that way, I am sure, and then there are some Dads that need too. Quote
lisajo Posted November 16, 2005 Report Posted November 16, 2005 WAYYYYYYYYYY To Funny I needed that, I don't have daughters but i can show it to my sons LOL maybe they'll learn something from it LOL Quote
Guest ToasterOfen Posted November 16, 2005 Report Posted November 16, 2005 Originally posted by lisajo@Nov 16 2005, 03:26 PMWAYYYYYYYYYY To Funny I needed that, I don't have daughters but i can show it to my sons LOL maybe they'll learn something from it LOL ←I do have daughters, and although my husband may not act that way (he tends to be more rational) I am not apposed to acting that way, and know how to use a shot-gun... Quote
Guest ToasterOfen Posted November 16, 2005 Report Posted November 16, 2005 I do have daughters, and although my husband may not act that way (he tends to be more rational) I am not apposed to acting that way, and know how to use a shot-gun... My angel picture is a little decieving, don't ya think..... Quote
Guest Member_Deleted Posted November 16, 2005 Report Posted November 16, 2005 Originally posted by ToasterOfen@Nov 16 2005, 04:35 PMI do have daughters, and although my husband may not act that way (he tends to be more rational) I am not apposed to acting that way, and know how to use a shot-gun... My angel picture is a little decieving, don't ya think..... ←LOL... I think even angels have their moments... :) Quote
Guest &lusername> Posted November 16, 2005 Report Posted November 16, 2005 When i have kids, ima just gunan make shure my dughters dates/bf's know that i have a large gun collection (adn i will), im gogin to put up my best shot targets on display when they come over, and "just happen" to be cleanign soem of my guns when they coem over to pick up my daugters for a date Quote
ldsgurl_2002 Posted November 17, 2005 Author Report Posted November 17, 2005 yeah thats my dad for ya..prolly on my first date he will take out his guns....he is so overprotective its crazy..but like my mom says its because he loves me..but i wish he would back off some!!! Quote
Guest Gilvisto Posted November 17, 2005 Report Posted November 17, 2005 Those are from "8 simple rules for dating my teenage daughter"... the book is GREAT. I reccommend it. (even as a teenage guy) Quote
begood2 Posted November 17, 2005 Report Posted November 17, 2005 ldsgurl, Thank you for sharing. I really enjoyed reading it. :) Gilvisto, Thank you for the source. :) Quote
Lindy Posted November 17, 2005 Report Posted November 17, 2005 LOL GURL.....I love it... had to use a few of those lines myself to my daughters b/f's.... PLUS a few of my own! Being the mom/dad was a chore at times....but it was kinda fun to watch them squirm.... Quote
TXRed Posted November 17, 2005 Report Posted November 17, 2005 As a mother, I LOVE those rules!!!! Of course, when I was the young woman of dating age, I thought my father was waaaaaaaaaay too picky, and he did not use all of those rules. Things really do change when you become the parent instead of the child. A friend of mine and her teenage daughter told me what happens when a "new" boyfriend comes to their home. The Dad asks the young man if he would like to see his trophy wall. Of course, the YM says yes. So; the dad takes him over to a blank wall. The YM looks at the blank wall questioning. The Dad explains that he expects his daughter to come home in the same condition she left the house in. If she comes home in any other condition, the young man's balls will be on his trophy wall. He goes on to say, "You don't really want to be my first trophy, do you, son?" This man had three daughters, and he is fairly quiet spoken, but he actually told the boys this each time a new one took out one of his daughters. I thought they were just telling a joke, but the mom and the youngest daughter told me that he had honestly done that. I thought it was hilarious. Must have worked pretty well. When our oldest got to be the age to date, one YM from Church made a few comments about maybe taking her out. We asked where he planned to take "us". Each time he mentioned it in any way, we teased that we would be double dating with them. He never did ask her out which actually suited us at the time. The first guy (that wanted to take my youngest out) came over to meet us before we would even tell her she could go out with him. He was so afraid of us that he brought a friend with him. His friend talked more than he did. Anyway, it was a fairly casual meeting outside near the barn. Several of the kids were there including an older daughter and her husband. Conversation got kind of silly and one of them told this guy that he'd better behave, because mom had a gun and knew how to use it. One thing led to another, and he wound up getting told that mom and the youngest daughter BOTH "qualified" at the range with the gun. It took him quite awhile before he was not really afraid of me. :) Oh, well. Quote
moroni Posted December 12, 2005 Report Posted December 12, 2005 funny but if thhat were true you would never date a boy in your life LOL Quote
glindakc Posted December 18, 2005 Report Posted December 18, 2005 lol!!! that is all the definition of dating! unfortuantely.. Quote
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